Hey there Reader!
I'm a fan of Greek mythology so I really liked this.
Its a well detailed piece which is written very well, however I find your first paragraph a bit odd. Its confusing and doesn't very well pull in the reader. This has nothing to do with the content. The content is good, but it is in the way it is put.
When you're seven, you haveusually had done a lot of things. Learn to ride your bike, learn some more about math. For me? I met a goddess. Nothing to celebrate. What? Why are you staring at me like that. [ OW! I know, geez, just trying to have a conservation..] Sorry I just got kicked by-well, you'll meet them later... Any wayAnyway I need to back track a little bit. HHMMHmmm... [Don't you dare kick me!] It was a normal day, or normal for me any way. I saw people come out of streams and trees. Bloody TREES! Do you know how confused I was? My life sucked (What is the significance of this sentence? It looks out of place)[OW! WHAT DID I SAY EARLIER?] Right, I was home from school and, findingfound my mom taking a booze snooze, was outside. Going to my favorite houseYou seem to have shifted from the tense you were following before. Maybe you could put it as - I made my way to my favorite house. Nobody lived there, but I loved it nonetheless. The backyard was overgrown, but today I found it filled with different flowers, fruits and herbs. I stared at it in wonder. Who did this? I thought. Millions of others followed. I placed my hands on the fence, finding it had new wood and coat of paint?. Creak. I jumped at the sound of the back door opening. I turn to see a young woman leaving her house with couple of books under her arms. "Why hello, dear. Do you like my garden?" She gestures with her free arm. I nod. She smiles. She's really pretty. Is my first though about her. But it was true. She had warm brown eyes and a natural tan. She wore a white dress with a necklace.
The later part of the story is interesting, with the necklace and all. I see a lot of potential in your writing.
Word of advice- Stick to one tense.
Hope I helped.
-manisha
Points: 398
Reviews: 189
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