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The Worm Goblin

by Blackwood


the worm goblin
sits in the garden,
kneading his fists into the soft flesh
of the dirt.

he clings to the writhing mess
that he has unearthed
from their underground
sanctuary.

the boneless limbs
reflect in his eyes,
as I watch him explore their curving shape
with his tongue.

the worm goblin
has yet to learn
as he tosses the catch, from his palms, into
the shallow soil.

the worm goblin
eyes my face
before I watch him retreat back to where
he came from.


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Thu Jul 25, 2013 2:25 am
Sheeparewooly says...



This is a nice poem! I liked how you described the goblin and the garden, like "the boneless limbs reflect in his eyes," and "he clings to the writhing mess that he has unearthed from their underground sanctuary" and "kneading his fists into the soft flesh
of the dirt" ! Again, really nice poem! You are really good at writing poems!




Blackwood says...


I know ;)



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Mon Jul 01, 2013 12:48 am
Pamplemousse wrote a review...



Hey! This is funny, because in a book I recently finished reading, there was a worm demon thingy in it! (Infernal Devices series, Book #3 , Clockwork Princess, Written by Cassandra Clare)
Well, I should get started on this review.
First off: Line #6 , I'm guessing that is supposed to say "That he has unearthed", or am I mistaken?
Next: I think you grouped the lines in a weird way. If you were to read this as a regular thing, it sounds as if you are stopping in the middle of a sentence, and then making the rest of the sentence as if it were it's own sentence, which would in that case be grammatically incorrect.
Also: I liked the poem in general, but it was all the itty bitty errors that really caught my attention. In my mind, you could possibly add a little bit more excitement to more efficiently draw people into the poem and more attached to it.
Finally: I like all the interesting words you used, but sometimes the poem got a little bit confusing.
Summary: I love the poem, but there were a few things that stood out to me, mentioned above. You should keep writing poetry, because this is indeed a wonderful piece of work.

~~ Lillie <3




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Sun Jun 30, 2013 8:02 pm
mystogan wrote a review...



This is a strange poem but a fun one. It has a very unique feel to it. This is probably because I am used to reading poems about some historical event so it is quite refreshing and different to read something that appears to be about something else. To me this seems like the figment of a child's imagination. The idea of a mysterious creature living in the garden. This is all part of the complex that forms a child's mind where they make up non existing creatures. I am not sure if is what the poem is trying to convey but to me that is what occurred.

I am not too sure if there is a deeper message I am missing. If I am, then I would like to be told about it. But otherwise this is a nice read.




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Sun Jun 30, 2013 6:59 pm
Hanorah wrote a review...



Hello Blackwood!
Im Hanorah and I'll be reviewing your poem today!
I loved how short and simple this poem is,yet it's so effective.
I think that when you said;
'that he is uneathed'

That you meant to say:
'That he is unearthed'
I know you said that you meant all of this but I didn't really get why you didn't put it into stanzas, or the first letters capitalised.
But since you said you meant it,I won't critise, so well done.
~keep writing




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Sun Jun 30, 2013 10:36 am
Juniper wrote a review...



Hi, Blackwood! June here,

Well, this was quite an interesting change of pace from all of the literature I've been wading through this morning. I'm not sure how I feel about this one-- you've got some good images working for you here, but the delivery as a whole is a little weak and I have a few tips to help you straighten it out!

• To begin, always, always, always proofread. Read your story aloud, and if you don't have a wordprocessor on your computer, get a google acoount and use google drive for a free spell check.

that he has uneathed

Here, this should be unearthed, dearie.

• Let's talk about your images. You have some good ones here like boneless limbs and writhing mess, but sometimes such images need something for support. If you said something like, the worms wave their boneless limbs, it adds character to the poem, whereas having "flat" images doesn't bring much to life. You can add descriptiveness by elaborating on points to illustrate the feeling behind a moment; does the goblin eye the narrator's face hungrily, greedily, or smugly? Let us know. :)

Thumbs up,

June




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Sun Jun 30, 2013 10:24 am
NightWalker wrote a review...



Hi Blackwood,have a good day!
This is Nightwalker going to make a review on your poem.

Okay,I see that you are not really care about capital letters here.See, you did't use it after the full stop .Maybe does not really matter,but it'd affect the entire poem for sure.In addition,when I read your poem,it's seems like I lost the rythm that you maybe can add some more comas in every lines just to make it flow smoothly here.

Not just mentioned the things you have to do,I would like to tell you the things I like here:

1.I love your idea that you wrote about the worm goblin.(Its unique and wonderfull but you will do better that this to describe the worm goblin in poetic way).

2.I noticed the sense of humors here.(It's really amused me a lot.):

' eyes my face
before I watch him retreat back to where
he came from.'
It's a good poem where you can improve it just a little bit to make it work as a perfect poem.Keep writing and good job to you!




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Sun Jun 30, 2013 7:10 am
ImHero wrote a review...



Hey imhero here to review !

okay so I don't quite know why everyone does this because a line break naturally breaks what you say, much like punctuation, so when people read your work they are reading:

the worm goblin [pause]
sits in the garden, [pause]
kneading his fists into the soft flesh [pause]
of the dirt. [pause]

The way you structured your poem to me doesn't seem like the best way to do it because of this. I mean yeah it isn't bad like this but it could be so much better!

the worm goblin sits in the garden,
kneading his fists into the soft flesh
he clings to the writhing mess that he has uneathed
from their underground sancturary.

the boneless limbs reflect in his eyes,
as I watch him explore their curving shape
with his tongue.

the worm goblin has yet to learn
as he tosses the catch, from his palms,
and into the shallow soil.


I mean it is not perfect because you wrote it so satify that line break but it could have positive effects if you take the time reword it a tiny bit :)

thanks for submitting I love this poem, and... creepy crawly!

*its too late right now, logging of ;p*




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Sun Jun 30, 2013 12:00 am
tiggpanda145 wrote a review...



Wow! This is a really interesting poem...what inspired you to write this? One thing, I'm guessing you meant 'unearthed' instead of 'uneathed'(probably just a typo).

The imagery is good and so is the spelling. The structure is really good too (syllables) so well done!

The descriptions are good too; I especially liked 'kneading his fists into the soft flesh of the dirt.' and 'he clings to the writhing mess that he has unearthed from their underground sancturary.'

Well done!

tiggpanda145 :D

(sorry it's a short review but I can't really think of much to say...)




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Sat Jun 29, 2013 11:59 pm
Hannah wrote a review...



Oh, god, that was a strong image to start us with. I know it's not every day I think about someone licking worms fresh from the ground. Disgusting and powerful, and you knew that, which is why you picked it.

But after the word "tongue", the poem get significantly weaker! My first question is, "What does he have yet to learn?" I know he's tossing his catch back into the ground, but I was never under the impression that he was doing this toward a purpose, like we'd catch fish to eat. It seemed recreational to me from the first line, so tossing them back seems logical to me, not a mark of low intelligence. In that case, what is his purpose? What does he dig up worms for? And outside of this moment of digging up worms, how does the worm goblin spend his days? Does he have intelligence comparable to a human, just skewed slightly, or is he more like an upright animal? All of these questions could easily take the place of the weak second half, and your answers would almost definitely be more vivid than the last four lines -- you watch him go back to where he came from without even giving an image of what that might be.

Does he pop back into the ground? Hunker down in a cave? Wander away down the suburban street where you saw him walk up from? Saunter into your house and back into your closet? Any image you choose defines this creature more, and I'd love to see him come to life.

But I'd also like to see if you can slip some emotion in this poem. Right now it's really narrative. Is there any emotion you want the reader to feel after they complete "The Worm Goblin"? Slip it in through vocabulary appropriately evocative of that emotion, and maybe set up a situation in the narrative for us to watch. If you want a pure narrative, that's fine. I just like emotion. haha.

Well, please PM me if you have any questions or comments about my review.

Good luck and keep writing!





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