They say that before the beginning of life, the void was absolute. Everything was cold and dark. Only the Original Being existed: the Almighty.
The Almighty decided to fill his empty space with something. He created four equally powerful beings, that he called Gods. Those Gods would be the emissaries of creation, the ones who would, under his command, create everything he desired. Together, they were as powerful as the Being, but alone, they were powerless compared to him.
One fateful day, the Original Being disappeared, leaving the four imperfect Gods on their own, free to create whatever they wanted. The Gods decided to create something out of their power, to fill the void with light and happiness, as their master wanted. Their combined might gave birth to a world, filled with their Energy of Creation. The Gods managed to shape their world like they wanted it to be: shiny, full of life and happiness.
However even though they shared their common world in harmony, they wanted to match their beings with their respective characteristics and features, in a separate manner. They thought that this way, they could all have an internal control of their world using their creations. The Gods gave their beings the name of «Almighty Civilizations», because they were the representatives of the four Gods on the world, the new Almighty beings.
During a long period of time, the world was peaceful and prosperous. But alas, the Gods finally had to understand how imperfect they were.
One of them grew obsessed by his power and became certain that he needed to create more beings, more life, more useless elements to the world. But in order to do it, he needed more power, and only the Energy of Creation could provide him the necessary might to fulfill his so-called mission. But in reality he had developped a natural fear towards his compagnons. The fear that they could use the energy source they created together in order to become a unique being, a true Almighty, just like the Original Being was .
The other Gods soon began to think like him.
But they were wise enough to not fight by themselves.
Instead, they would send their Civilizations to fight against one another in an attempt to retrieve the Energy Source and bring it back to their respective ruler.
The war lasted many centuries, and the Civilizations grew tired of their God's madness. Therefore, to prevent their people for suffering anymore, they decided to secretly unite against their superior creators and use the Energy of Creation in order to defeat them. But the Gods discovered what their creations were up to, and openly attacked them.
A new war began, but this time the creations were together against their creators. Sadly, the creators made a terrible mistake: instead of attacking their creations with their combined might, they attacked separatly, thus allowing to the Civilizations to defeat them one by one.
At the verge of death, the Gods decided to unite once again and launch a final blow against their world, destroying their energy source in the process. A massive explosion occured, utterly annihilating everything in its path.
The explosion shattered the Energy of Creation, allowing it to spread all over the void, and thus dispersing life at every corner of the empty space.
The irreparable mistake of the Gods created life itself, which in a way means that they fulfilled their original mission.
And as the past story of their downfall faded into the void, their world's legacy was about to rebirth, somewhere, in a new form, following an eternal cycle that would last probably forever.
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140,121 Literary Works • 673,028 Reviews
Hmm....I taste, great writing, a pinch a mystery, a little bit of Morgan freeman...(lol god complex on the max), and a sprinkle of a good plot......taste pretty good, but I think it could taste better.....I think I know what is messing with your writing flavor. I think its because we don't have no direct action. I understand why though, its the prologue, and usually in the prologue, there is someone telling the story so we don't get to see direct interaction with the characters. Overall though this has peak my interest, I will continue to read this and see how far this story truly goes.
@Holiday30... You're reviwing a piece from June 29, 2013 that has not been rewarked in 4 years, and that does not represent my current writing style. Also, the story isn't finished and is on an unlimited hiatus, so you'd probably get a better grasp at my "taste" if you read something that I'm actually still working on - that would be Muster Heroes.
Thanks for bothering putting a review here, however, it's just that since I already had enough reviews on this piece already and that it hasn't been touched in years, I'm surprised.
Cheers, anyway!
@Tortwag, I understand, but I just love to read, so regardless weather something is old or new, I am willing to read it and as long as I like it I will continue to read it, thank you for saving me from a academic break down though, lol cuase if I get into the story and you never upload it anymore it would truly hurt my soul, like when I found out that there was no more episodes being made for the original Teen titans, or the fact that dead man wonderland had gotten cancelled because not enough people watched....lol I am a HUGE anime fan. But yeah, I see what you are saying, so I will start mustard hero today.
If I'm going to review all the chapters I have to start with one! Happy review day
Instead of "their beings" I think you should say "each being" just because this particular part has a lot of "their"s in it, so just to vary. And then saying characteristics and features sounds redundant. It might be better to either take one out or to change it to something specifying physical and mental, or not, whatever you want
Wouldn't beings imply like humans or animals. This says civilizations which applies more to actual structure. So you should maybe say "their communities" or "their life forms", those are bad examples but do you get what I'm sorta babbling about?
Should this be "companions?"
I feel like this part doesn't fit. It was previously said they weren't as powerful unless they all combined power which they wouldn't be able to do without him so he shouldn't have any fear. I was also wondering why a God would make beings able to become as strong as him. Isn't that stupid of him because he could be overthrown. This might be intentional.
From your previous narration I was not clear that this Source was a physical thing that there was only one of. I'm not quite sure what I thought it was, but if you could just be a little more clear early on.
This is really anticlimactic. You shouldn't precede the event with the outcome like you do here. Just tell us the story as it happens and you can put in this bit after you tell us what the actual mistake is.
I like that the thing exploded and dispersed life, that's cool and creative.
End lines are meant to be impactful so I think this small change would make take it from okay, to great. "..would last forever, probably."
SO! Overall I like the idea. You use a unique sort of narration that fits with the mood and setting of the story well since it's dealing with Gods. Your grammar and diction are really great and I'm interested to see where this goes. It was a good prologue, length wise, and content wise. It was a good lead in but not telling me too much information. I do think you use too many cliche transitions words. Some of them fit with the mood but things like: therefore, during, however, can sometimes seem to stiff. So just be a ware of that. I didn't get strong imagery, but that wasn't a huge deal with what was happening in this particular part.
Anyway, off to the next part.
Change out.
Team Rouge.
Why thank you for the review CTW
I'm not really surprised I still have that much things to correct though, I'll be sure to correct it all.
Also, glad you liked the idea: that's the main goal after all
Hey! Sushi here to do a review as promised ^_^
The first sentence kind of sent me around in circles because it felt like you said the same thing several times in different ways so that I wasn't sure if I was understanding you or not. The second sentence on the other hand just didn't make any sense. Make sure to read over things and think, will the reader understand what I'm trying to tell them?Shiny: You keep describing this world that these four gods are going to create as shiny and light. Normally you only use the word "shiny" to describe something that really does shine. Instead I would just describe it without saying the same thing over and over again about how good this new world is going to be.
Predictability: Okay, so the words that you use to begin each of your paragraphs, they seem a little over dramatic to me. I only say this because I already can tell where this is going, but when you use words such as "alas" and "fateful" it over dramatizes things making it kind of awkward to read.
Confusion: There were some parts that I noticed you tended to go into a circle saying the same thing over and over again. This is a pretty common thing and is pretty difficult to cure without proper attention. It's not some disease or anything, but let's call it scribitis. Where you want to say something using a lot of words to make you feel like you have accomplished something with every sentence. I used to have this too, but thankfully I developed a blunt personality and cured that. With some proofreading it should be pretty easy to spy, but you're gonna have to remain more aware than ever. Here are some examples.
Repetition: You tend to repeat a lot of words over and over again throughout this story that you either don't need or you could find a better flowing word. Personally, whenever I find myself stuck I use thesaurus.com and it really helps me find words that work. Read your story or line out loud if you are ever unsure of the flow. Normally if it sounds weird out loud then it will sound weird to the reader.
Words: There were some words here that you didn't use right, like once you used for instead of from. Saving people from something is different from saving people for something. The for needs a reason, the from needs a thing to save them FROM.
Plot: Your plot seems pretty interesting because it's original and it's not all vampire and werewolves and such. It follows no popular trend which I like, because that also means that the plot follows no real trend until you finish it. This was a pretty good beginning and it left me with quite a few questions as to how you're going to start on chapter one.
Information: You seemed to have packed a ton of info in just this one little intro. I agree with Sierra that it all depends on how you deliver it. I feel like you did a pretty okay job, but you could improve upon it a bit. The way that you did it got things into the story without being too overwhelming, but it also made it seem like everything that you mentioned was random. Maybe if you could organize that a bit more then your delivery would be perfect!
Narration: There were some parts where it felt like someone different was telling the story even though it was in the same sentence. I can't quite explain it because I don't know how to word it, but I would read over this again and try to spot those where you seem inconsistent. Again, reading out loud really does help.
Overall: This was pretty good! It could use some tweaking, but I'm pretty interested in seeing where you'll go with this story. Keep up the good work!
Well thank you for this amazing review
I hope you'll also be interesting in reading the first 3 chapters( who are already uploaded), I'll be glad to hear your opinion on those too.
Most of the bad things/problems you've described have already been discussed in the previous reviews, which is not bad since it shows that my mitakes can actually be obvious to others.
I'm also glad you were so precise on what you had to say, it makes everything easier to understand
Thank you again and I hope you'll be able to review my other works soon
Hi there, Torty! Sea here as requested.
I think the content is solid and, for the most part, well-developed. While you may not have given your readers all of the details we would like, I get the sense that you have a really good grasp of your idea. As long as you are certain of your concept, I trust you to clue your reader in. I do have a few suggestions, though. I'll try to keep it as organized as possible. 
You have a lot of potential here.
Technical Suggestions
Skins already pointed out the comma situation, so I won't go into it. But I do agree that the commas need attention.
Spelling:
I'm pretty sure some words were simple typos, but just to be sure....
"developed" has one "p", "compagnons" should be "companions", "separatly" should be "separately," and "occured" has two "r"s.
Of course, if you spell things differently in your native country, feel free to write me off as an ignorant foreigner.
Other Points:
This is a pet peeve of mine, so this is purely my own opinion, and you are completely free to skip to the next paragraph to avoid the rant
You also have a fragment or two running around in there. You seem like you know a bit about sentence structure, so I'll assume that they're just minor editing issues and leave you to it.
Voice
Your voice is a little inconsistent. For the majority of the piece, you have a very formal, almost old-sounding tone. Then you suddenly throw in a few more informal phrases such as the following:
It's difficult to explain, so let me know if I need to try to elaborate on this at all.
Info-Dumping
I'm usually not a fan of prologues, because when authors try to give the reader a whole bunch of ancient background information, they can't help but info-dump because they're trying to fit a large amount into a small space. But an info-dump doesn't have to be boring; it's all in your delivery. If you write it like a history report or encyclopedia entry, your reader will lose interest and quit reading. Try a few different approaches. You could write is as an inscription on an ancient scroll. Ooh! What if you wrote is as a piece of ancient mythology? Let us get to know all of these characters and relate to them instead of seeing them as just a bunch of gods made by some other dude.
Repetition
Readers hate repetition. They tend to skip over things they feel they've read before, taking the risk of missing new information.
The two bolded phrases are very similar. Since we already know what the gods wanted for the world, you don't need to tell us again when they accomplish it.
Repetition is not limited to content, but applies to reused phrases, words, and sentence structures. Try varying your sentence beginnings a little more. Go through and underline the first five words of every sentence, and then read them consecutively without reading any words that aren't underlined. If you notice a pattern of multiple sentences starting with the subject or with and adverb or some other part of speech, consider changing it up a bit. There are so many ways to begin a sentence! Just experiment a bit. It'll be fun!
That's really all I have for now on this piece. Yes, there are a few plot holes, but I think my fellow reviewers have already called your attention to them. Easy fixes!
Now. I know you spent a few weeks working on your writing style, but understand that your writing voice and style is constantly evolving until it doesn't.
Anyway, good start with this! I think you'll have a lot of fun writing it. Please feel free to PM me with any questions about this review. I know I ramble a lot.
Good luck, and happy writing!
-Sea-
Thanks for this review Sea, I was eagerly waiting for that
But don't worry: I'll tae note of all this. Reviews and comments are always interesting to read, especially when they're detailed 
Your technical suggestions are definitly helpful, and I'll have to consider most of your advices like the rest.
You were indeed exaggerating for the mythological part of your suggestions, however I'll definitly keep that in mind.
I would like you however to keep in mind that this is only the beginning and that I still have a lot to think about for my Chapter one
Repetition, you're however the first one to talk about it, and I really considered my piece of work flawless on that aspect. And once again: I was wrong ^_^" Gotta keep an eye on this. I am glad you're talking about it too.
"experiment". That is your keyword in there, and definitly part of my list of most important advices. I do experiment a lot, but... You gave me some good ideas in order for me to experiment in various other ways, such as inspiration without copying, writting short stories, etc.
Writting style is indeed constantly evolving, yeah, need to think on that one too. However, I migth add something about it: I haven't introduced my so-called "writting style" YET. I always thought that the prologue was kind of separated of the rest of a story when I read books, and my first step was to create a legend-like beginning.
Chapter One however will definitly introduce what I've been planning for this whole time, and that isn't avalaible for Young Writters to read yet.
In any case, thank you very much for this review! New elements, new advices and new keywords that I can now add to my collection. I hope you'll stay tuned for more entertainment
~Shell Master Tortwag~
OK, so this was really interesting!
I like your idea! The plot of this story was really detailed, which is good! I enjoy this kinds of stories! The fact that the gods were created by the
"Almighty" I didn't quite like... This is my opinion, please don't feel sad or mad at me. I think that if the "Almighty" could create gods, they could've as well create what they wanted... Why did they waste their time creating gods, when they could just create what they desired?
In other terms the prologue was really interesting, intriguing and entertaining! It called my attention for sure! Count with my vote!
"At the verge of death, the Gods decided to unite once again and launch a final blow against their world, destroying their energy source in the process. A massive explosion occured, utterly annihilating everything in its path."
This is a great paragraph to start the ending! I'm impressed with your writing skills! I never really noticed any grammatical errors! Go on! I would read anything you post! Keep it up!
Keep up the good work!
~Marde!
Wow! Full of energy would be a perfect description for this comment ^_^
As for your personal opinion I kind of understand it, and I certainly won't get mad or anything else about it lol, it's in fact interesting to read what other people think of my story.
Glad it caugh your attention so much.
Well I'm glad it entertained you so much, one more reason for me to continue
Oh yes, I was very proud of that one, thx for reminding ^_^
wow, but I'll definitly go on anyway, I certainly won't stop after this.
~Shell Master Tortwag~
Well - what an interesting idea! I've not read anything like this on here and I'm intrigued to read more - I hope there is more???
I want to know more about the Gods and there creations! I want to know what their powers are and what the differences are between each sector.
You could go so many places with this!
There are a few spelling errors here and there. I'm not going to sit here and list them all. You'll be able to see them if you pick apart your own work with careful eyes.
Good luck! I hope I read more soon.
Feel free to take a look at my own work when/if you have the time.
BYE!
Glad you liked it OliveDreams
Yes there will be more, this prologue is only an introduction to the world I'm going to make my characters evolve in, but you'll definilty get more clues and infos throughout the story.
Thanks^^
I'll try and drop by your profile as soon as I can, I hope it'll entertain me as well.
~Shell Master Tortwag~
Besides what the person below said to me, I in fact think that you're actually going somewhere and that this idea isn't bad at all. It's interesting, unique, and you definitely have something going on here with characters and their development/progression. Description should be more though so it gives the reader to intake and use their imagination. I don't think this awful, I think you're going on to a great start. After all this is a prologue. Keep going! This definitely came from a person who has a great imagination and creativity. Good Job!
-Marrissa
"Description should be more though so it gives the reader to intake and use their imagination."
I'll definitly remember that advice of yours, it IS very important to me!
And I'm glad you've enjoyed my piece of writting so far, I'll be sure to continue without so much flaws. Difficult, but I'll handle it!
Hey Tortwag, I noticed your prologue lurking in the Green Room and as it's Review Day, I figured I come and check it out. I won't get into nit-picks because they're only minor issues, and I think it's a lot more beneficial for you if I give a more detailed opinion instead. I'm going to begin the review by pointing out what I liked about your prologue here, which I'm sure will be an easy job to do, and I'll then move on to give you critiques and suggestions that can hopefully help you edit and tweak what you have right now.
Jumping straight into the positives, I'm liking the beginning of this, specifically the first sentence. It's very intriguing and I love the mystery of it all because it makes me want to read to find out more about what you're saying. The opening of a novel is vital in my eyes, and you've done an awesome job by grabbing my attention. I also really love the general mood and atmosphere of this prologue because it feels so... big, and powerful, and dramatic, and just generally pretty epic. It's not the most common mood and atmosphere, so that is really awesome because you create a sense of originality through that. That's something else you have a lot of here overall: originality. A really good job overall, if you ask me.
As for critiques and suggestions, I'll start with a suggestion regarding grammar. Now commas are really tricky buggers, and many writers have a tendency to either overuse them or not use them enough at all. What I've found with you is that while it certainly isn't extremely noticeable, you do use a rather large amount of commas in your writing. Commas are great because they allow your readers to take breathers while reading, but you have to be careful not to dash them everywhere because they can start to become a little tedious and distracting. The fact that I noticed you using a lot of commas shows that you are maybe using too many because they caught my eye and did distract me a little. My advice is to basically only use commas when you really know they're necessary. Take your very last sentence:
The bit I've bolded here is an example of where I don't necessarily think you need as many commas. In fairness, I do sort of live by the theory that commas are kind of relative and so it's generally up to the writer how they use them (to a certain extent, you wouldn't' want a comma after every single word). At the same time though, I do think writers should be careful with them. The bit I've bolded here, for example, would honestly work fine without any of the commas you've included, in my opinion. It is up to you in the end, but it is something I'd recommend considering.
With regards to content, one thing I found that sort of bugged me was the way the Original Being literally just disappeared. What caused him to disappear? Were there any signs that he was going to disappear? Did the Gods wake up one day to find the Original Being just gone? It just seems odd to me how he randomly disappeared. It's almost too easy. It's like you thought, okay, I'm done with this dude now so I'll just make him disappear. Heck, maybe he was just there one day and then gone the next, but it just seems a little unlikely considering he was meant to be so powerful and whatnot. Power like that can't simply disappear with the click of a finger, surely? I don't know, I guess I just want more of an explanation behind this Original Being and his disappearance.
Oh, I almost forgot to mention! Something rather small I picked up on whilst reading this was the fact that you had some sneaky typos hidden in the piece here and there. Nothing major, and I don't think many of them are spelling mistakes, merely accidental slips of the keyboard. This is a very easy issue to fix because there are a few ways of fixing those darn typos. You can read over this in immense detail and carefulness so that you can pinpoint each typo yourself, or you can just use a spellchecker of some kind. If you don't have a programme such as Microsoft Word that can spot typos for you, there are plenty of online spellcheckers you can use, so just go ahead and use them.
And now finally, another brief critique regarding content. Something that niggled me a bit was when the God's creations were planning to retaliate against the Gods. It's not the fact that they retaliated, but the fact that the God's found out. This is the only real description of this situation, and this is how it stands at the moment:
Okay, so the God's found out about their creations plans, but how did they find out? That's the question I'm asking. As they're the creators of these creature thingy things, perhaps the Gods can read their minds or something? But then that makes the creations look stupid because surely, they'd know the Gods can read their minds, and so they'd be more careful with their planning? Perhaps the Gods merely caught on to what they were doing, but if that is the case, I kind of want to know what made them catch on to it. Now admittedly, this is really picky, but it is something that crossed my mind so I figured I better mention it. It's hardly a major issue, but it is something worth considering, methinks.
Negatives aside, I think you've got a really solid prologue here overall. You've got action, a bit of mystery, some foreshadowing, and a generally very well written piece of prose. A great job overall, I must say. With some tweaking and editing here and there, you'll be on the path to greatness! If you have any questions or comments regarding this review, let me know via a private message, via my wall, or as a reply to this review. I will be more than happy to help explain anything I've mentioned here.
Keep writing,
xoxo Skins
I'm even more impressed with this revie, although Ego's one was pleasent as well
Thanks for that too, I need to understand how to use them properly without too much overuses. It's up to me you say? So be it! I'll eventually find out the right trick 
I've chosen a Fairy Tale style (NOT the anime, an actual fairy tale style) for this prologue, meaning telling a story without giving too much names and information for now.
But after reading this second review I definitly think I should give more details about what happened to the Original Being for example (but if I do it now I am DEFINITLY going to spoil everything, so I'll answer via PM perhaps?).
And since too much descriptions used to be my main weakness, I believe I became naturally afraid to make too much, and I believe althought those ones where balanced (at least at my eyes), I should've do more.
As for the commas this is the second time I have trouble with those nasty fellows
That is again hte problem of the style I've chosen and that I apparently don't master perfectly: not enough information. I've read right above this review that "description should be more though so it gives the reader to intake and use their imagination" (by Chinkstuhhh), and I feel like I haven't entirely completed this task in my prologue, reason why some parts are confusing.
Overall I'm still glad because it seems that you've enjoyed reading my piece of writting, and I'm also glad you took the time to detail your review as much as possibe
Thank you very much for your advices, I'll be sure to follow them as much as possible
~Shell Master Tortwag~
I'm glad I was of help!
As for the descriptions, they certainly weren't a major issue or anything in this, so don't stress too much over them. Just make sure you describe enough to satisfy your readers while being careful not too go over the top.
I do think you could give more details about the Original Being, and it won't spoile everything, so don't worry! Just be careful not to reveal too much and it'll work in your favour, trust me.
Yeah, commas are real pains in the butt! I'm awful at explaining how to use them correctly because to be honest, I'm not so sure myself. Try Googling some articles, perhaps, there are bound to be some helpful ones online.
With the whole information thing, the best advice I can give you is to sort of mess around about. Edit here and there, see how you like it, and if you don't like it then try something different. You're bound to reach a good balance that way eventually, even if it does take a while.
But anyways, n'awww, it was my pleasure. I definitely did find your piece intriguing, and I hope that you can make it even better with the guidance of my advice. Good luck!
Solid, but flat.
We need more. It's all very...generic. No names, no descriptions, no labels. People need labels to be able to identify with what's going on, especially if you're trying to grab their attention with a prologue. To me, this was nothing but an info dump. A precursor to a real tale.
And that's no good. You don't want people to read your prologue and get bored, you want them to read it and get psyched. Be interested. Want to learn more.
Right now, this falls way flat.
Questions that NEED to be answered.
What is their energy source?
What is the Energy of Creation?
How did the Civilisations manage to get ahold of it, let alone harness it?
Give us more about the disappearance of the Almighty.
This is awful. It completely takes the reader out of the fantasy you're writing by using modern day style language and killing the tone of your storyteller. It's like a guy at a campfire telling a story, then faltering when he can't remember what comes next - it kills the tale. Your tone throughout is solid. Clean it up in the places it needs it.
-D