z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Perilous Technology

by Master_Yoda


Your iPhone is now flying
on iCloud number nine,
all the while, whispering - 
sweet nothings into Lex Luther's ear.
 
I'm sorry, my dear Superman,
but when you're in a cave,
you must watch out where you step, my love,
for stalagmites abound.
 
The problem is that kryptonite
resembles crystal spikes
but while you can trample stalagmites...
Well, you understand, right?
 
He looks at me and says to me, a concerned look in his eyes
You know that I treasure you
my love, 
more than life itself.
but my dear, 
my Louis Lane
those cuddly frozen porcupines 
are fun to toss around - 
 
and without an iPhone running loose
into Lex Luther's arms,
well...
To go on safari once in a while,
or to ice skate down a slippery slope,
is just that --
kryptonite.

A/N: I'm interested to hear how you understand the poem. :)

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
117 Reviews

Points: 896
Reviews: 117

Donate
Tue Jun 25, 2013 9:32 pm
rishabh wrote a review...



ur piece of work is trendy! it's of neolithic age! in ur writing , u hv defined a new age of writing! it is very interesting. ur writing is unique and cool! most importantly ur rhyming scheme is good! somewhere u used ababa...pattern which give ur work a sort of height! where nobody can reach easily! ur poem sounds strongly connected with words! u hv a master degree in poetry or wat? i think u hv........ jokes apart overall ur work is nice! keep it up! mate!




Master_Yoda says...


Glad you liked it rishabh. Thanks :)



User avatar
9 Reviews

Points: 506
Reviews: 9

Donate
Tue Jun 25, 2013 8:21 am
louisfielding wrote a review...



That was really cool! at first i thought this might be a wee bit corny but is actually really individual! I love how you have written this in a way where it feels like i'm watching a quick film, or you are talking right to me. This is the poem I have read so far!
9/10 yewww




Master_Yoda says...


Thanks :) I'm glad you liked it.



User avatar
696 Reviews

Points: 5533
Reviews: 696

Donate
Mon Jun 24, 2013 7:33 pm
Audy wrote a review...



Yoda,

any poem with superman is awesome 8) And also points out how the comic creators made all those alliterative character names /#WE'RE ONTO THEM

I'm a sucker for your opening lines, and the many interchanging I sounds present throughout this. Kryptonite/stalagmite/porcupine/ice.

Your #0000FF ">iPhone #FF4000 ">is now #0000FF ">fly#FF4000 ">ing
on #0000FF ">iCloud number #0000FF ">nine,
all the #0000FF ">while, #FF4000 ">whisper#FF4000 ">ing -
sw#FF4000 ">eet noth#FF4000 ">ings into Lex Luther's ear.


^ I'm just highlighting long and short I sounds here, cause I wanna see it :o EDIT: it looks like you start: long short long short -- and then go into short short short -- that's gotta be the secret as to why it sounds so cool -- it alternates the sounds at first, and then transitions into faster/higherpitch sounds which is how it's creating such a cool effect :o

The kind of funny part about this is that as soon as you mention Lex Luther, it's like a halt-uttering-stop to both the I-sounds/flow pattern...as well as a stop to the concept of phones/technology. Lex Luther just enters in with a bang, both figuratively and literally, how cool is that?!

Image
^ That is what is in my head :)

My suggestion, which I think would be really, super cool -- and if you ever have the desire and the patience to be super anally perfectionist -- is to give all the superman parts of the poem their own sound motifs, and then keep all the nonsuperman partsthe Isounds you crafted in the beginning. How cool and OCD-wonderfulness would that be? :o //#CRAZYreviewsuggestions

My main idea/understanding of this is twofold. 1) that technology is supposed to be all of our weakness/kryptonite. I'm assuming all of the ice imagery is supposed to refer to something iphoneapp/game related, if not to some kind of apocalypse...but I'm not too sure. Frozen porcupines seems to refer to something, but the reference in lost on me.
and 2) that superman's only weakness is that he HAS NO WEAKNESS. At least, not really. That seems to be the dialogue exchange in stanzas 2-4. Maybe? No?
EDIT: 3) was technology Lex Luthor's kryptonite? Hmm.

Well, regardless if I've completely missed the mark, this has been a really fun piece to read and mull over! =^___^=

&nomnomnoms sounds <3

~ as always, Audy

-- and yus. I realize this review was mostly silliness and hashtags as opposed to helpful xD #Imsorry #sugarcrazed




Master_Yoda says...


Hey Audy, thanks for the great review! Regarding the interpretation, you're not far off:

The tale is an exchange between Superman and Louis Lane. Louis Lane narrates her fears that Superman is playing with fire by exposing his secrets to technology, which Lex Luther can easily use to bring him down.

Superman replies, that although he is aware of the risks involved in exposing himself, he is addicted to the thrill will do so nonetheless. He muses, admitting that technology is his kryptonite.

The imagery of the ice, although not adequately framed, represents when Superman tosses his kryptonite into the North Pole, and a fortress of icicles is formed. It is in this fortress that Lex Luther discovers his weaknesses, and can endanger him.

In hindsight, you're right that the sounds are rather haphazard and inconsistent especially as the piece progresses. I was running out of time and hurried too quickly for my own good. ;)



User avatar
83 Reviews

Points: 619
Reviews: 83

Donate
Mon Jun 24, 2013 7:00 am
Andrea2676Marie wrote a review...



Pretty good! I think it's definitely unique, and I'm honestly not really sure how to react to it?
I don't know why but I think it's really interesting. Louis Lane and Lex Luther? Who are they? I want more! Keep up the good work, I really enjoyed the read. And as always, good luck to you and your writing! Expand!




Master_Yoda says...


Thanks Andrea. Louis Lane is Superman's girlfriend, and Lex Luther is his evil nemesis.




A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
— Unknown