Young Writers Society

Hi Rishabh!
I am here again after reviewing your other poem!
okay , its a good poem and it conveys how angry you are about the Indian politics XD.
Even I am an Indian , and to be honest seriously there is no point in writing poem on Indian politics because its never going to improve! but anyway I like the poem the way you have showed the dirty politics being played in the Indian democracy.
there are again few grammatical errors in the poem
'Why young crowd is sitting idle'
there should be a question mark at the end of the line above and some editing work is required, you can also frame it like this
"why is the young crowd sitting idle?'

I just loved this line the most:
'We are the power, We don't have the power'
its very sarcastic XD! that's actually true..... India says we have full rights being the citizens because we follow democracy but actually we are restricted for everything!

one more thing,
"oh my bully Politicians"
since you are taking against and behalf of the country it will be good if you change the sentence like this
"oh our bully politicians"

This sentence especially shows how furious you are about the Indian politics and I loved it!
"my words never end, my pen never stops"

''When everyone get proper ration?''
some editing work required again.
you can change it like this:
''when will everyone get proper ration?'' (Or something like that).

Otherwise I think its fine not bad just make sure you edit all the changes mentioned in this review.
its a good work and overall layout is good!
Anyway, keep up the good work!
and keep writing!!:D

I really liked how you made the title of the poem seem so casual and made it to be about something so serious. I allows the meaning to have a far greater impact on the reader.

They have not learned anything from CWG and 2G,
All the youths’ need is 3G,

When everyone get proper ration,

“We have something to talk about”,

hi i am indian so i quite understand how you felt while writing this piece. i really liked the way you criticized the politicians and their ways. By saying every time that "We have something to talk about.” you justified the point that people just talk about things and seldom do things.

"We are the power, but we do not have the power"

i totally like this line of yours because it's just so satirical stating that we dont make use of the power we have in the right ways.

i also liked how you stressed on the youth's power that can bring a change.

"My words never end, my pen never stop"

this line was yet another good one, but it has a little mistake, instead of stop it should be STOPS. and ofcourse you ended inevitably but effectively.

really nice work!

hoping to see more of it!

cheers,

Shiksha

I like how you have worded this and I like how you have repeated the words " We have something to talk about". I also like how you have made some parts rhyme. Its a very good piece of work Its very interesting and Imaginative

I like how you used rhetorical questions and speeches

This is a great piece of work, you have literally spoken for the majority of a lot of people including myself. Everything you wrote is completely true and as a young person i am feeling like this towards politicians.
This almost had a little bit of a Dr Seuss in it. (apologies if you dont like Dr Suess)
This poem made me think and relate and i love how you have mentioned the '3G', very witty! Thoroughly enjoyed this i give it a 4 out 5.

This is a very amazing , awesome , great , good , unique , and interesting poem:) I like the way you used the fact us stupid people spend so much money on electronics instead of using that money for poor children everywhere in the world who are starving in this world. I know that might not be the exact way you intended people to comprehend this poem , but this is the way I did It was really great Message me if you have any questions :_

Hey Rishab

I love political poems and politically slanted poems, however I felt this could use a bit of work. It sort of glosses over a lot of different political issues without any particular focus. It opens with lazy politicians and wasted money, and then sort of touches upon youth culture and education -- so you can see, how it's a bit disorganized, which I think is what keeps this piece from striking at our heart. When you cover a broad sweep of a topic quickly, it doesn't have the same effect as if you were to cover a small topic and beat us to tears with concentrated precision. There's a fine line to cross between ranting, and inspiring others.

I do enjoy a few of your lines, particularly your title and repetitive "something to talk about" , there is power in those words and a sharpness in those repetitive t's. Probably what would help this piece most is to focus on one particular issue, and spend time to extrapolate an image out of it. Use your figurative devices!

I hope this helps,

Audy

Hi there, I am here to review this piece for you so I hope you find this of some help.

What I liked:

1. The message. I give you kudos for getting the message you want heard, heard loud and clear. There is no doubt about what you feel. Great job

2. The line "We are the power, but we do not have the power" a lot of emotion in a few words.

What I didn't like:

1. Your rhyme scheme. While for the beginning portion it was good you started to stray which wasn't so nice. Consider revising and finding the lines that don't rhyme or making it so it doesn't rhyme altogether.

2. There are a few lines in particular that stood out. "In the parliament politicians sleep/
All our money they sweep" this line broke the flow of the poem and it isn't good considering how close it is to the start of the poem. Another is, "My words never end, my pen never stop" it should be "My words never end my pen never stops." Having good grammar is key even in poetry.

Overall:
To be honest, it needs some work, while the idea is there, you aren't able to get your words to strike a chord with me. Great start though. Keep writing.