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Craquements

by Auxiira


Craquements subites
Sous mes pieds.
Marée de feu
Tombant des arbres.
Seulement Automne
Ammène la gloire
Embrasement
Avant la Mort.
Rouge, oranges, jaunes
Ternes.
S'emmiètent, rendent
La Vie en
Craquements subites
Sous mes pieds.

And the translation for those who want to read it:
Subtle crackling.
Under my feet
Tide of fire.
Falling from the trees
Only Autumn
Brings this glory.
Burning
before Death
Red, orange, yellow,
Faded.
Crumble, leave
Life in
Subtle crackling 
Under my feet.


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20 Reviews


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Reviews: 20

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Sun Jun 30, 2013 11:48 pm
Pamplemousse says...



Aw, Aux, this is beautiful! The fact that you wrote it in French gives it a warm and fuzzy feeling! I can't find any errors in this poem! I absolutely love it, and you should keep doing this!

~~Lillie




Auxiira says...


Awww, thanks Kit!



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Sun Jun 30, 2013 2:52 pm
rishabh wrote a review...



sorry i cant review this coz, i don't know this language. it is german, or russian? i am confussed. use english with proper language. i hope u will understand. albeit convert this into english or write another one in english but here this doesn't work. sorry for my harsh review but still this is actuality!




Auxiira says...


It's in French. And it's translated further down.



Auxiira says...


and learn to write proper English before anything else.



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Sat Jun 08, 2013 3:51 am
Hannah wrote a review...



I think the idea is interesting. I like quiet small ideas, that life could be just the sound of leaves under your feet, but I think it would be beneficial to, rather than go the large way and evoke the name of death, try keeping the entire poem small and crackling -- mention something else that is unmistakeably death but also brings out the feeling of smallness, immediately scenery, like the one road in the small town where you know the shape of the stop sign.

Of course that might be completely off the track that you wanted to go, but you might try and have two versions of the same poem.

What made you want to write in French to the audience here? I think what makes it better in French than in English for me is the sound of the word "subite". It's got a lot more bite than "sudden". You might, if you try a second version, be more focused on the sound that words make. Give every word the chance to crackle with consonants instead of hissing or gurgling through like rouge and orange and jaune -- they've all got that same sound that sounds nothing like dried leaves.

Hope this was helpful! Lemme know if you have questions or comments.

Good luck and keep writing~




Auxiira says...


Thanks Hannah!
Basically, my French teacher asked us to write a poem about an object and I decided to write about autumn leaves. Therefore the French and the object of the poem.
^^



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Fri Jun 07, 2013 7:58 pm
racket says...



No, I'm sorry, I don't want to review a French poem. You might get better reviews and more of them if you translated it at the bottom of the poem, after the French poem. You know, translate in English after writing in French.




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Thu Jun 06, 2013 3:04 pm
KnightTeen wrote a review...



Hey, HT here. Now, before I say anything else let me just point out that my French is very rusty (I voluntarily took a course a few years back) I manage to read most of it, but there were some parts beyond my comprehension. Then again, I could have totally read it wrong. Is this what you wrote? Or at the very least the gist?

crunches sudden
Under my feet.
Tide fire
Falling trees.
Selement Fall
Ammene glory
kindling
Before Death.
Red, orange, yellow
Ternes.
Emmi├Ętent is, make
La Vie en
crunches sudden
Under my feet.

I think that's what it said, and I even ran it through Google translate just to make sure, and this was the result. Apparently Google is about as smart as I am when it comes to French.

But anyway, my poor translation skills aside, from what I could understand of the poem (which could be totally wrong, truth be told, and if it is I apologize) it was very beautiful and well written. Hey, this is French, one of the Romance languages, how could it not be beautiful?

I hope you post more like this soon.

Happy Writing (And if I got the translation wrong and just made a fool o' myself, again I apologize)

HT




Auxiira says...


Thanks HT!
Google doesn't like poetic french, I've tried before. XD
So here's an approximate translation (because there are some words that don't have an equivalent)^^

Subtle crackling.
Under my feet
Tide of fire.
Falling from the trees
Only Autumn
Brings this glory.
Burning
before Death
Red, orange, yellow,
Faded.
Crumble, leave
Life in
Subtle crackling
Under my feet.

(I've done a bit of adapting so that it means more what I wanted to say than what I actually said^^)




Death is only the end if you assume the story is about you.
— Welcome to Night Vale