(Note; I wrote this when I was about 12 or 13 lol)
I ask,
What's not to love?
What fish was not meant to swim through the vast waters of the earth?
What bird was not meant to sail through the endless cloudbanks of heaven?
Are blood-red roses all that more appealing than wind blustered daisies?
Are shimmering gothic-black stone of the deepest rivers not as lovely as polished diamonds of rich men's pockets?
Are wintery mountaintops clothed in ancient trees secondary to summery beaches kissed by the ocean's waves?
Are not
all things beautiful?
A raven is beautiful: its silky sleek feathers, its round watchful eyes . . . .
Is a dove not beautiful too, though?
The dove is perhaps more pleasing to the eye, but in the end are they not both divine miracles?
Are they not both sensational phenomenon to gaze upon in wonderment?
They are both, without a second thought's doubt, assets to be marveled.
Do not advise one to flee but the other to linger.
Do not harm one while creating a tonic for its brother.
What little flower is too weathered to be placed on a tomb?
What lock was not meant to have its own key?
What loyal angel who saw his quest to the end should be denied his wings after such an enduring trial?
And what man that has repented is too shameful to deserve respect from others?
Even after midnight, I have not found one sympathetic essence that is not deserving of forgiveness. One tolerant spirit that should not obtain its reward of patience from others.
Not a single organism that God has placed on this earth should go without being cherished,
Or should it?
What heart that beats like crashes of thunder,
What spirit that blazes brighter than heavenly flames,
What mind that consoles firmer than ice of the arctic tundra,
What soul that harmonizes with others like the drafting winds of the forest trees--
What man should be surrounded from the sunlight hours of his birth, to the quake of his midnight, by an unyielding sorrow and terror because of you? Should this creature not be allowed a shielded love,
Should he not have the right to his own armored affection just as we do?
Or are we the only ones who are special enough to merit such a freely given gift?
For which of your motivations should permit a friendless seeker to find no companion here or anywhere? If he has strived to learn how to handle the hardships of love, how could we not think him deserving of finding his mate?
Every broken-down life-form should be justified for refurbishment, and all lonesome individuals should gain company, Shouldn't they?
What is drowning that should not have the license to swim? What is deaf that should not have the right to perceive sound?
What is sightless that should not warrant observation? What is voiceless and mute that shouldn't verbalize words?
Why must we set sky-scraping standards for one another when all are too short to reach them?
No, not one creature that God has placed on this earth was meant to be an extra.
And again I ask,
What's not to love?
This is brilliant :O "Are blood-red roses all that more appealing than wind blustered daisies?
I can't get enough of this poem, I read it thrice. YOU WROTE THIS AS A PRETEEN?!?! are you kidding me? I wish I had written something this brilliant :/ You make me so jealous. I love your work Kristy : ) xxxx, Claire
Are shimmering gothic-black stone of the deepest rivers not as lovely as polished diamonds of rich men's pockets?
Are wintery mountaintops clothed in ancient trees secondary to summery beaches kissed by the ocean's waves?" this is my favorite part. You're so descriptive
Awww thanks so much, Claire ^-^ What a build up, I'm so flattered to hear that from 'you' after reading how wonderful 'your' work is. And it made me smile when you called me by my real name lol thanks so much c:
While this is a nice concept, if not a long one, I have some things to say.
The chicken was not meant to fly. I think Kiwi's are another one, and there are plenty more.
The flying fish was not meant only to swim, along with eels. Some eels also have the ability to escape their watery prison.
Diamonds are worth more than river rocks because they are the hardest substance on Earth. Also some people make jewelry out of river rocks. It's a common thing.
With the fairness comment, if everyone was always treated 'fairly,' then we might grow to lack the uniqueness this poem praises. Also people aren't treated fairly because the world is not fair from some majority perspectives. That is kind of like one of those 'God Exists vs. God Doesn't Exist' arguments.
On to the review ^^
I feel like this poem could really use some more line breaks. Line breaks are supposed to create interest in individual phrases. You can use enjambment to create interest that you did not originally intend, but that the poem itself requests. This can be something like breaking off your negative phrases and having things like "one creature that God has placed on this earth was meant to be an extra." hidden in your lines. This type of thing will create another layer of interest in your poem. The other useful thing with line breaks is they make a poem quicker to read. That being said, people typically won't mind the length too much as long as it is quick. The shorter lines are, and this is serious, the less time it takes the eye to travel back across the page, thus reading is faster. I am not sure how much faster, but it is something to think about.
Next, most of this poem is negative. Not, can't, no, shouldn't, etc. You might consider changing that so that the poem has a more optimistic feel.
As for the poems length, I would like to see it shorter. Cut out examples that people could contradict depending on perspective. Then with the ones you have still, expand on them and create actual images, scenery, etc.
Overall, I thought the poem was interesting to read. It has some flaws with the arguments, but it was nice.
Hi, Aley ^-^ thanks for the review. As far as editing goes, I wrote this as a preteen and don't have any intention of editing it. But thanks for the advice c; and the lines are stuck there lol it wasn't a choice at 'creativity' haha ;p I can't make them leave--long story. And the thing that most people miss is that it's talking about something deeper than literal birds and fish and things, it's all metaphorical. It isn't about plants or animals or anything like that at all lol Thanks for the helpful review c; and I hope to hear from you again some time
Catnip`
Hi, I am here to review this wonderful work of art that you wrote!
First, I don't think those lines are necessary, or is that only a glitch? Second, "Is a dove not beautiful, too though?" I think you should leave out either the "too" or "though" and just make it into, "Is a dove not beautiful though?" Or "Is a dove not beautiful, too?" Anyway, I think the line breaks are not needed, seeing as it is quite long. I suggest you edit this and change the format, but it's only a suggestion.
I think you should edit some bits and pieces, because some part in the middle I began to lose interest. I don't think that's advisable. Anyway, apart from these errors, I extremely liked it! I loved how much emotion you put into this. Keep on working and writing!
GrapeNerd
Thank for the review, GrapeNerd ^-^ and the lines won't go away, it's a longgg story lol Anyhoo, thanks again