The Fabric of Me

Hi Catnip. I just wanted to say that the first second and third stanza were amazing. Nothing makes for good poetry like comparing two opposing ideas and then balancing them out.

I didn't feel like you did balance it, however. You are an interesting thing, kissed by sweet pleasure, but where does that pleasure come from if you are not allowed feelings? I feel like the beginning and end are perfect, but the middle needs to be balanced with more good as it seems to be all negative, all against you. Show me the sunshine too Be the balance.

I do agree with winterbites on the "I murdered all of my imaginary friends and broke the legs of the evil thoughts that danced in my head"

That is hauntingly beautiful, it might be a bit too drawn out

I murdered all of my imaginary friends
broke the legs of the evil thoughts that danced in my head

Your poetry is terrific in its raw form, and I always try to post in my raw form as well, but often i will rewrite it in my own journal just to see what else I can do with those thoughts.

Hey Catnip, June here,

I think it's very brave of you to summarize yourself into a poem and put it on display for the world to see -- I'm not brave enough to do such things. My initial impression of this was that it read very much like an essay with the line breaks of a poem, and for that reason, I would suggest giving this an edit for style, to make it more poetic. Liken yourself to things, use analogies and metaphors. Show us how you're beautiful, show us how you're ugly -- don't tell us these things. The beauty of poetry is that it liberates us to use words that are indirectly direct, and here you're just being direct. How did peace not want you? Did it hide in the corners of your bedroom every night and watch you sleep, or did it chase the sun around the globe as the sun set to get away from you? Why did you begin to seek reality that led you to kill your imaginary friends? Think of these things, think of how you can tell us your story poetically.

Hope this helps a bit,

June

My goodness gracious, this is a beautiful poem! You have such incredible wording, not too much, just enough. Dearie, you should be entering this into some more things. I wish I could give you better feedback than that, but this is a beautiful poem. I look forward to reading more of your things!

It is a really nice poem and i enjoyed reading it. The format of the poem is a bit..unusual, but apart from that it is very good.

It gives me the message that one should love their own self and be proud of who they are, and all other things will automatically fall into place.

Two lines confuse me though:

When even terror refuses to keep you,
Then you know that love hath no place for you.

shouldn't it be that when love has no place for you, it is terror you go to, and then maybe you find that even terror has no place for you.That is what i understood, but if there is some other meaning, please tell me.

Other than that, Great work!!

"when even my own soul is no longer in love with me"

This is one deep poem and that line up there is my favorite part in the whole poem
and also the use of oxymoron and simple understandable sentences bring out the beauty in the poem which to me is the personae that has finally come to terms and peace with who he/she is and is done meandering about.

I loved reading this it's wonderful and it represents so many things and it surfaces so many feelings it's a great poem and I'm glad I had the pleasure of reading it

Alright, just a few things, but first lets focus on your structure. It appears to be an explosion of "OMG, WHAT"S HAPPENING HERE??" I don't know if this is intentional (hopefully not), or just a simple error from the computer. Anyways, I just need an easier way to read this. So, let me suggest a simple form:

I am an interesting thing.
Not terrible, not marvelous-
but an interesting thing.
I am beautiful and ugly,
both complex and insignificant.

I am touched by the sunshine
as well as the rain,
kissed by sweet pleasure
and bitter pain.

I'm not very good at
knowing how to love,
so much so that I thought
Peace never wanted me,
Happiness never needed me,
Patience never cared.

Nor did true friendship
ever give me a second glance.
When even terror refuses to keep you,
Then you know that love
hath no place for you.

And I thought one day,
even sorrow would fall
out of love with me,
and my angels would turn from me
shaking their heads.
How could they not
when even my own soul
is no longer in love with me?

But seeking reality,
I murdered all of my imaginary friends
and broke the legs
of the evil thoughts
that danced in my head.
And now, their ghosts
have left me all alone.
I'm alone.
And now I know,
In the silence inside myself:

I am an interesting thing.
Not terrible, not marvelous-
but an interesting thing.
I am beautiful and ugly,
both complex and insignificant.

I am touched by the sunshine
as well as the rain,
kissed by sweet pleasure
and bitter pain.

Some of these lines just out a bit, and interruptsome flow, so I would either take out some of the little words (unnecessary ands or its). I like how you used some unusual imagery, and it helps make the poem stand out. However I would get rid of some lines, just because they sound a little cliche. For example:

"I am touched by the sunshine
as well as the rain,"

Pretty sure this line has been used time and time again. Just find a different way to say it.

Also (and this is just me) but when I hear the line "that danced in my head" I think of sugarplums dancing in the heads of children in The Night Before Christmas. Since you are using this is a darker conotation, I would find a different word than dance. A thesaurus would help you with that alot, it was invaluable to me. Still is.

This has potential, it just needs some work. Good luck!
~Kay

The poem jumps from one picture to another. One moment you are talking about something and then you shift onto something else. Is that a bad thing? Not really, I don't think so. LOL I don't know why your poems always have a weird structure. But let's not talk about that. Content wise the poem is rich and it's oozing with imagination. It's a pretty fine job I must say. Some really deep stuff which makes you think while you're going through the poem. Fantastic job. Cheers

I've never been good at poems, but this was wonderful. I really enjoyed it.

"I murdered all of my imaginary friends and broke the legs of the evil thoughts that danced in my head"

I really liked this, it flows great and just really drags me in. And makes my feel at the emotions flowing from this beautiful piece of writing.

"I murdered all of my imaginary friends"

This part is what made me go back to read it all over again, just so I could read that part again. Its so so so good.

"I am an interesting thing. Not terrible, not marvelous—but an interesting thing. I am beautiful and ugly, both complex and insignificant. I am touched by the sunshine as well as the rain, kissed by sweet pleasure and bitter pain. "


I like how you wrote that at the start, then repeated in at the end. I was just wondeful.
This poem was marvelous to read and I really enjoyed it. Thanks for putting it up!
Keep up the really great work, and post some more!

~Winter

its wonderful you should be proud I understand what it means the definition might not be completely clear but the understanding is there and I'm glad I had the opportunity to read this today