Young Writers Society

A/N: Attention, everyone! I’m sorry I never posted anything for the past few weeks! I was absorbed in these really good books I got from the library. It took me two days to finish one of the books, and that’s a record for me. :) Anyways, I am going to try to post as much as I can during the rest of my Spring Break. The Disappearance is still being edited and fixed carefully so it can be as great as can be, no worries. Enjoy. (Madalynn’s POV)

Part 4:

“Are you going to the Mega Rink? Everyone is going there,”Mollie exclaims as I write in my notebook with one hand and bite the apple in my other.

I shrug, not looking at her. I can’t bring myself to look into her eyes after realizing last night how much she has taken away from me. “I don’t know. Maybe,” I say. She nods. From my peripheral vision I catch her mouth twitching upward oh so slightly. Huh. Turns out she doesn’t want me there. Maybe she was planning to do something with Jay, and I won’t be there to witness it.

Yeah. I shouldn’t come.

We sit there in silence, me writing intently in my notebook about a paper on Shakespeare, and Mollie drumming her fingers on her knees and looking around the lunchroom.

“Ooh! There’s Jay! See you later Madalynn!” I don’t answer or move. I just watch her run up to Jay and throw her arms around his neck. He picks her up and spins her around, oblivious to his friends snickering and nudging each other near him. When he puts her down, they both look serious, whispering fiercely to each other while Jay stares ahead, scanning the lunchroom with his chocolate brown eyes.

Then Jay lays his eyes on me for what seems like forever.

I stare back, frozen and wide eyed with my pencil still positioned in my hand. Mollie seems to stop whispering to him and follow his gaze. Her cold blue eyes stop on me, and I immediately look back down, at the notebook I’ve been writing in. I pretend to write, but her cold glare makes me shiver. I stand up and throw away my trash and walk out of there as fast I can.

I don’t look back; I just look forward. I don’t want to deal with these weird and overwhelming feelings right now. I don’t to deal with a reminder of how far away Jay is now and how my “best friend” made it all happen.

But still. He was staring at me. Does he still remember me? Does that mean anything? I hope he does remember me. I hope.

While I walk to the library to write in a safer and quieter place, I am struck with a strong and bitter voice in my head: Jay likes Mollie. He never loved you. He just used you to get to her. Did you see the way he picked her up? That’s why he was staring at me. He just remembered I was the one he used to get to Mollie. Just a tool.

But… it all seemed so real. I think about his laughs at my jokes and his smirk when he finally defeated me in a debate for the first time. And his words: I love you. It all seemed like it was genuine.

I shake my head, too overwhelmed to think about it anymore. You know what? Just forget about it. Just live your life. Anger stirs inside of me, anger for not being smart and strong enough to figure all this out and solve it.

I shake my head again, deciding I will forget them. All of them. Despite all of the feelings, the confusion, the almost need to love them and be loved. Despite everything. I will refuse. I will refuse the tears blurring my vision. I will refuse them as easily as I rub them away, my anger strengthening my resolve. I refuse. I will have no feelings as he has no feelings; he doesn't care. Doesn't care about me. He doesn't care and Mollie isn't my best friend, not anymore. I refuse them. But they keep on coming, flooding my head with their images, their feelings. I rub them from my eyes.

I collide with something sharp and broad. The impact disorients me for a moment before I realize I bumped into someone.

Where did that come from? I didn’t see anything in front of me. He just appeared out of nowhere. I wipe my tears away, this time managing to keep them in. I still feel the presence of someone in front of me; I don’t look at the person and duck down my head. I mumble “sorry” before hurrying off to the library around the corner.

“Wait! Madalynn! What’s wrong?” Spencer’s voice calls out after me. Spencer. Oh my gosh. I bumped into Spencer, of all people. I don’t want him to see me like this. Vulnerable and crying. This isn’t a side of me anyone has seen before.

Besides Jay. God, do my thoughts always have to go back to him?

All of this goes through my head in a flash.

I stop walking, but I don’t turn around. He can’t see my face so I blink away my tears and hope to God I don’t look like a weak little girl who just wants to cry more. She’s only inside of me, not out. When I finally compose myself, I turn around, half-expecting and half-hoping for him to be gone. But no, he’s still there.

“No, nothing’s wrong. Just… some dust in my eyes…” I say, unintentionally making it look like I made that up on the spot. He narrows his eyes, unconvinced. Again.

“That sure was a lot of dust, then,” he says while raising one eyebrow.

I nod. “Yeah.” I laugh humorlessly. I don’t try to make it real; he would just see right through it anyways. I realize, at this moment, I can trust him. Hopefully I’m right. Ugh; the tears are coming up again. But why? This should actually be relieving to know I can trust him because he can see me. But it isn’t relieving, for some reason. And I can’t stop myself anymore. He already saw me.

So I cry in front of him.

He walks across the hall and pulls me into his arms. I drop my notebook and pencil and lean my head against his shoulder, sobbing, not caring if anyone sees us. It hurts so much. The embarrassment won’t hurt as much as this does.

I’m tired of hiding. Pretending. Pretending everything is okay when it isn’t anymore.

While I sob, I think about starting over. This guy, who’s holding me tight in his arms, could refresh me. Start me over. With those hopeful thoughts, I gradually stop crying. I move out of his arms and spot his drenched t-shirt.

“Oh. Sorry,” I say. He looks down at his shirt and waves his hand.

“That’s okay. It’ll dry.”

I know he doesn’t know what happened, but he still comforts me like he does know. I look up at him, with wide eyes full of hope and ask, “Will you help refresh me?” He looks puzzled for a moment before he realizes what I mean. His warm blue eyes-not like Mollie’s cold blue eyes, I notice-fill with understanding. But you know what I don’t see?

Pity.

He doesn’t know how much it means to me to know he doesn’t pity me for any of this. He nods, making a wave of relief and true happiness wash through me, wiping out almost all of my empty feelings. He is agreeing to help me recover and talk through things with me. It means he is aware of us possibly falling in love, I realize.

“But first, will you tell me what’s going on?” He asks.

We go into the library and sit down at a table away from everyone else. I tell him everything, about Mollie and Jay-he doesn’t look too happy when I talk about him and him using me-, and what happened at lunch today.

By the time I finish, he looks as sad as I do, but he has the determination to help me recover. I can see it in his eyes and in the way he carries himself. He has a straighter posture, gentler hands.

But I’m not finished with everything. I still have a lot to be worried about, this time not about my love life.

That has to wait before I tell him.

The first bell rings, signaling us to get ready for our next class. He promises to meet me at the school’s front doors at the end of the day. Even though I am not fully refreshed yet, I know I can be, with the help of Spencer.

And my own strength.

A/N: I’m sorry if it was too cheesy or sad or anything! I just wanted to get the point across that she is hurting about Jay and Mollie and all of the other mysterious things she won’t quite tell Spencer about yet. Review please! See you next time! *dramatic exit*