Oooooooooooooooooh, a Haiku! You don't get many of them on YWS!
I like the first line:
"Out here in dark space"
it introduces the subject matter like a haiku is meant to, so conventional so far. I wonder if you might use another word to dark. There's so much more to space than it just being dark. This seems like a slightly boring aspect of space to choose to focus on...
I also like the:
"Life is forlorn - far."
You've got some interesting things about space here.
I don't like the way you have a word which is part of the next line on this line and then the last line doesn't make sense.
This is OK, but because it is such a short poem all your words should be amazing, and they're not really...
Points: 11017
Reviews: 179
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