Young Writers Society

This would be a lovley story if you continue it.

i would love to read a full version.

Also a very reveiling truthful story.

Maddie.

Chances and Changes,

This is a really moving, simple piece to me. Exactly the kind of thing I love to write, much more than fiction or anything else really. Just getting right down to the core. In fact, this is really the way I would love to be speaking to people all the time as well. It's not exactly a realistic idea, cause I will need to listen to others and relate with what they talk about, not just express myself. So I would more say that my intention in life is to be there for others, making it as clear as I can that I am open to this kind of expression, that it's what I'm looking for.
So far, its been tough at times, but overall, I am happy at how surprised I have been in life, by how open others can be to this kind of genuine expression. In fact, I am beginning to suspect.... underneath all the flim-flam.... that one or two of these other human beings want the same thing I do... or a lot of them. Maybe even all of them, if you can somehow get past the barriers they put up.
For now, I am focusing on the people around me, and your piece has really encouraged me to stay centered on why I even interact with people in the first place-- to learn who they REALLY are, and share who I really am, and find mutual realization of God's true intention for us from this.
So thank you, its a beautiful little piece that, rather than giving me something new, affirms to me an age-old and long-held beleif, that we all have gone through this, and that we want something more. Human beings are shape-shifters, and perhaps they always will be. But once you find that place where you belong inside you, you'v got to find a way to reveal it to others, no matter what shape it takes. Otherwise, you'll just spend your whole life thinking "When? Is today the day?"
Thats what this piece reminded me of.

Peace be with you,
Chrysalia

Hello Chancesnchanges, Wolf here to review your work!

On the technical side of writing, your grammar and spelling and whatnot looks fine.

I think you did good at portraying emotion. I could really feel that how you/the character felt as if s/he where slipping away. I think you did quite well in this area.

As for subject matter I've actually done a lot of thinking on why people are always acting like someone else. I think it's partly instinct. I mean, why else would babies start to walk instead of continuing to crawl all of their lives? How is it you learn your first language? Isn't most of what you do in your first few years of life just imitating the people around you?
But I do think it also comes from peer-pressure. But you've probably already thought about that.
I think on this a lot, and thats the best reasons I've been able to come up with.

You did extremely well on this piece of writing. And I hope you continue to write so wonderfully.

~WW

Hi chancesnchanges!

This is a really nice sentiment, and I think it's awesome that you're sharing it with the YWS! I think we could benefit from a bit more from you though! I'm not sure if you want this to be a story or just a persuasive piece. In either case we need more to work on. I like your tone and I definitely like what you're saying and what you're asking but I feel like a lot of people can't help but think these insecurities.

So what we need are some examples. You give a couple about dress and movement, but why not show us some more events, maybe a particular event or a couple of kinds of dress. Maybe the kinds of things you, or your narrator, do to avoid being the other person, or what you did when you were that other person. This introduction of some more examples will help your readers to understand exactly where you're coming from and what you want to tell them not to be like. Of course every individual is different, so you might also want to talk about how it's hard to work out what kind of person you are, compared to others - though you should never compare yourself to others!

Thanks for writing this, it is a good little look at a motivational piece! It does need to be bigger to really hook a reader. But it works very well as a short piece, maybe consider using a blog for this kind of thing if you don't intent to write more on it - only because then you won't have people like me whinging about what you're missing!

I hope to see more writing from you in the future! Hit me up if you have any questions, queries or just want to chat!

~ Pen

(I do things that are not really me) not (that isn't really me) maybe.
Thanks I can feel like what you do..