Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.
Well , there really is no intro to this story . You will find out what you look in the story . Oh yea , and this is a ( Your Name ) story . &&'d in case you dont know what that means , I means that this story involves you ! But i'm not going to tell you anything that is going to happen in this story . Sorry ! But I Hope You Enjoy !
Princeton ~ Jacob
Prodigy ~ Craig
Ray Ray ~ Ray
Roc Royal ~ Santo
Yani ~ BestFriend
Mari ~ Crazy Ex
Rayni ~ Twinn Sister
Fights
Sex
Death
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Am I correct in assuming that this is a work in progress? Anyway, on with the review, which may or may not be that helpful.
I think you'll appeal to more readers if you included a short summary in this... article? Also, you made quite a lot of mistakes in spelling and where you chose to place your punctuation, so maybe edit your work and try to correct the mistakes.
You tend to add a space between the two words surrounding the punctuation mark, which, although acceptable on Facebook and the like, is probably not accepted when writing in the real world. Did I make sense?
The theme has really sparked my interest, though if it will be written in the same way this particular piece was, then I don't think I'll be reading it anytime soon :/
That's it! Hoping see more from you
Hey Little Author here,
So this isn't really review since this isn't a story but I do see some problems.
1. I'm just plain old confused. Some of your word choices are horrible and you need to revise your spelling.
2. If you want people to want to read this story, you have to write maybe a summary of the story, not just the characters.
3. Use read words. Not just those short cuts like & and yea. Only use words that you would use in maybe a essay.
Keep writing
So, here to review, although this won't be an actual review, because this isn't an actual story. This will be more of a grammatical short review with a bit about the names.
My name is Quest, and I will be reviewing/commenting on this piece for you today, because it is Review Day and that this piece is in the Green Room. So, I will try my best to review this without it being ridiculous.
For one, ',I ' is supposed to be ', I' and 'means' is supposed to be 'mean'. I am doing this while reading, so if I skip around a lot it is not my intention to do so.
'yea' is supposed to be 'yeah'.
You have a huge problem with spacing in the first paragraph, and throughout the entire piece.
So, the only problem with this piece is the naming. All three of these names end in 'i', two have the same basic layout, and one only has one extra letter. These are both unoriginal and repetitive. I recommend that you change them, even if a little.
Hope this short review helped.
Quest
I'm slightly confused, I'm not sure if this is just a work in progress or something open ended. but I think your readers would benefit from explanation. If you better explained what this piece was I think it could be really cool. I've never seen a work like this so I think you could have something good if there was more to it.
There Is More To . You Just Have To Wait Until I Get Into The Story ! It's Kind Of Just A Fun Story To Do In My Free Time ! But Thanks Anyways .