Young Writers Society

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Hello! Ari with you review today. For starters, I certainly do have to commend you. The language that you used here really added to the feeling of a marionette doll. I don't think I can say enough how well you worded this. With the use of the wording you used, you made this memorable.

Of course, there is always room for improvement. For example, your grammar and punctuation could, at times use a bit of a touch up. You write the word "I", lowercased, which technically is incorrect. Work on capitalization in the proper spot.

Lastly, although well written and made memorable using strong imagery, certain parts could use a bit of work, such as the ending. The main problem is only the line, "after all, I was just a marionette doll".

Could you think of something else to put there to perhaps, spice it up a bit?

Hello there infinity! Dogs here with your review. My goodness gracious how rapidly your writing is improving. Reading this wonderful piece of work in comparison to your first poem and observing the difference, the improvement is astounding. With out a doubt this is the best poem of yours I have ever read. Simply brilliant idea of using the Marionette doll as a writing topic. You take it down a really clever path. I almost never for the repetition of lines, but the use of the last two lines in every stanza really works well for your poem. Well done in that regard. Although this piece is wonderful, I do still have a few quick notes, really all minor nit picky things. Lets dive in now shall we?

"Does that mean i have no choice,/ at all?"

I would say make this one line, but then it would be a little bit too long in comparison to the rest of the poem. I don't like the short line of just "at all." Perhaps just cut off the "at all" bit in this line an put a question mark after "choice."

"comes with constriction as i'm restricted/ to move independently"

Ok, two notes about this line. Firstly, if you are ever using "i" or "i'm" as a in reference to yourself, it must be capitalize. Reason being is because it's a personal noun like a name or a place or a group. So then it should be capitalized. Furthermore, the wording of this sentence is saying that the doll is restricted to only being able to move independently, which I don't think is the point you're trying to get across. So I think you're trying to say something more like: "I'm restricted/ from moving independently."

"I am a whimsical tragedy,"

Personally, whimsical is one of my favorite words and this is certainly my favorite line in the entire poem. I just love the thought of it, my goodness it flows so smoothly and just sounds great. Nice job there.

"and i sink into the ground."

If the puppeteer is tugging your strings, you wouldn't be sinking to the ground. Your arms would prop up into place as he moved you around to his will. Revise this line.

Well that's really all I have to say. Lovely lovely piece of writing Infinity. I really enjoyed reading this piece, let me know if you ever need a review! Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh

I think my favorite part of this poem was the language in the first and second stanza - it feels very mechanical and jerky in places, makes me imagine being tugged on by those same strings, so for that I give many props.

I'm not a big fan of the repeated lines though (Does my opinion even matter at all? / After all, I'm just a marionette doll). Rather than getting at something deeper, it just points out the obvious. You've already said what the poem is about in the title, so why repeat it in the poem itself?

I felt like the last stanza was weak. It requires courage for the doll to cut the strings, but why? Is this a metaphor for something (a parent holding the strings of a teenager trying to break free?) or just a story of a doll? I don't really have any proof that it's hard to cut the strings - it could be very easy - so I have trouble really ... getting "into" that aspect of the poem. It's very easy to relate to and feel for the doll with no power over it's motions - but if it has the ability to cut the strings and the only thing keeping it from doing that is fear, well, then why haven't I heard more about this fear?

Capture the freedom i've been,
hopelessly longing for.