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Forget-Me-Nots

by Adriana12Alexis


Forget-Me-Nots
 
Forget-me-nots
Are often neglected for the roses.
The roses that have
Vivid colors and pretty petals.
The roses that have
Sharp thorns that cut and bleed.
No matter that the forget-me-nots have named themselves,
For their desperate attempts to get
Someone…Anyone to remember them.
Beauty surpasses compassion,
Prettiness is worth the pain,
But nothing beat the loyal
and ever-remaining loneliness of the
 
Forget-me-nots.


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Fri Mar 01, 2013 10:31 pm
dogs wrote a review...



Hello there Alexis! Dogs here with your review. Firstly I love your avi, it makes me think of your poem. You have great imagery and excellent comparissons in this poem that really made it enjoyable to read. I love the use of "forget me nots" just such a great word all around. Let's dive into your review now shall we?

"Sharp thorns that cut and bleed."

Everything in your poem is pretty stellar up to this point. I think you can certainly use stronger descriptive words instead of "cut and bleed." My advice to you is two look up these two overused and boring words in a thesaurus and replace them with some stronger more image invoking words. I use a thesaurus every single time I write any form of literature.

"No matter that the forget-me-nots have named themselves,"

This is a marvelous line, although the only issue I have with it is that it's a little too long in comparisson to the rest of the poem. Try breaking it into two different lines, saying something more like: "No matter that the forget me nots/ have named themselves," Or something else along those lines.

"Someone…Anyone to remember them."

Try to avoid using "..." in writing, especially poetry. This can just as easily be replaced with a comma and the same pause will be conveyed to the reader. Try saying: "Someone, anyone to remember them."

"But nothing beat the loyal"

Tiny grammar thing here, this should be "nothing beats" instead of "nothing beat." minor note but important. All and all a lovely poem you have here, I really enjoyed reading it. You have some truely excellent imagery. Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh :smt032




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Fri Mar 01, 2013 8:07 pm
InfinityAndBeyond wrote a review...



Hi! i'll be reviewing your poem today:)
Firstly i love the whole idea of your poem, its a beautiful topic. It's a really excellent poem, but there are some things i'd like to addres which will hopefully help out a bit.

At the beginning of your poem you describe the appearance of the roses more than the actual forget-me-nots, which are more suited to be the focus of your poem, i like how you describe the colours of the petals but why not describe the forget-me-nots and show their unique beauty that is overlooked due the roses?

In this line;

"For their desperate attempts to get
Someone…Anyone to remember them."

This line is good, i'd just change the second line to just anyone, the "someone..." part seems kinda unecessary, you could just put the word anyone in italics for emphasis.

jst a minor thing but, for the very last sentence you don't need to leave a space.

ut nothing beat the loyal
and ever-remaining loneliness of the
Forget-me-nots."




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Fri Mar 01, 2013 2:47 pm
KylaThompson wrote a review...



Hello Kyla here to give you a review. I really enjoy the poem, it is really nice. I would like to break it down though and tell you what I think. If I say something misleading, or you disagree please don't hesitate to tell me.

First off I want to say I enjoyed how you capitalized the words. (You missed one though; "and".) I think that you did great from the beginning until "No matter that...". I love how you explain what the roses look like. I think that you should've put the word "Someone" after "For their desperate attempts to get" so that you could end with a comma. I think I would've done" Beauty surpasses compassion. Prettiness is worth the pain. Nothing beats the loyal, and ever remaining loneliness, of the forget-me-nots. I think I would've not spaced out the last line as far though. It does need to be spaced but I think it should've been probably right under "and ever-remaining loneliness of the".

Even when those pointers, I really liked it and I hope I helped some. :)




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Fri Mar 01, 2013 2:40 pm
Hannah wrote a review...



I think the awesomeness of the sentiment of the first two lines was lost in a very straight-forward, not so crafted rest of the poem. Yes, we know roses are bright and have thorns and stuff. And the explanation you give of the situation seems very lecturing. There's a way to bring out the virtue of the forget-me-nots without also putting down the roses. It doesn't have to be just "us" against "them".

So I'd like to see you, instead of talking about the roses, get into the forget me nots. Do what your poem says no one does and give them the focus. Give me their quiet blue purple, tell me about the darker portions of their petals, their thin stems that are smooth (or maybe they have those little hairs on them, I don't know). Tell me what their seeds look like and how long they take to grow and what it is about their nature that made them so loyal, that made them beg not to be forgotten. You can use research to really pump this up, or lie your way to a mythology behind them, but make me believe that there is personality in these flower just by the way they exist in the world and I will leave your poem changed, and you will have taken my hand and helped me to inject feeling into flowers.

I hope this makes sense to you~ I'd also lose the random repetition of the name of the flower at the beginning and end of the poem. You can make your poem full without needing bookends.

PM me if you have any questions, and good luck~ Keep writing!





“Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”
— L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables