Hi! Cricket here for a review!
Oh dear... it's going to be hard getting up in the morning and not instantly going to review this. No more Asenath and Joseph for me. 
Hopefully though, I'll be able to get some other reviewers for this, for you.
Alright, for this review I'm going to mainly focus on the storyline and ignore general nitpicking. Please forgive me if I mess up on anything, as it has been a while since I started this novel.
So I did like how the story started with her running around with her brother. One thing I really wasn't quite sure about is how fast everything went by, in her early years. I think I might have preferred if you had dragged it out just a tiny bit more with her early years. Even just one or two more chapters would be nice. It would also help ground how she began to have that issue of pride. Give a few examples throughout these chapters, of how she raised to be so proud. Even if she treats someone that is reportedly dear to her in a offhand way or something like that. Perhaps even a servant would be a good idea, although I think someone of a higher rank would be a better choice. Just a thought. The change from her being a sweet tomboyish sort of girl, into a proud woman who would never think of anybody else but herself, was a bit too sudden for my taste. Just a bit more of a slide into the different type's of Asenath, is all I can suggest.
Now what happens next is something that cannot be ignored whatsoever. Now please forgive that I don't remember the name of the man that she had ordered to beg on his knees before her (I remember it starting with an 'F'!) but that part I really quite enjoyed actually, because it showed that afterwards her heart had turned so cold that she really didn't quite care that he refused to beg and left her. True, she cried over it for a little while... but after some time, she moved on. I don't really think that he meant that much to her, in the long run. And that's something that I was never sure about. Did he mean a lot to her? What exactly were her exact feelings on that? It seems that after he left her, she basically just ignored the fact that he was alive and moved on towards her goal of becoming the most powerful woman in all of Egypt. Your thoughts on it? Was it merely a crush of sorts, or was it indeed love? Sorry, if this seems like I'm pressing you or something, but I'd really like to know. Her every action will be judged by your future readers so everything in that regards has to be just right, and make perfect sense.
Next is got refused by the Pharaoh to be his son's wife. And omigosh, you did it well in my opinion. She appeared at first to them, as if she just wanted to serve and please, but the Pharaoh saw something in her. And it's a good thing too! I mean, Asenath would have been absolutely ruined if she had been chosen! Idk, after reading this entire thing I can imagine Asenath and her character pretty darn well, but I cannot imagine seeing her as the Queen of Egypt. One thing that I did recall was that there was some slight confusion with who exactly was narrating that scene. Asenath was gone from the room at that particular moment, so she wasn't narrating the part when the Pharaoh was warning his son. I just remember thinking that there was some misups in who's point of view it was from at that moment, and would suggest running through it just to make sure. 
And now we see how she was refused by the Pharaoh, and gets sent with her mother to the concubine houses? Is that correct? I believe it is, I think. xD This part, was by itself well done, because we see that she grows there. She matures through all of her hardships and actually thinks for herself. She doesn't exactly follow what her mother's dreams for her where then, and I don't think that she really ever had the intention of doing so. More like I follow wherever the wind blows kind of person. But later she improves. It seemed to me, that was she matured she learned to make her own decisions and to think for herself.
One thing I didn't like however is the relationship between Oni and Asenath. After spending so long with Oni, you would think that she would have formed some sort of affection for her, right? I mean, women have their moments when they are being emotional and cold, but I honestly don't think that Asenath, even at that moment, would be so distant towards someone that she had been with for months. Get what I mean at all? I'd map out this relationship in detail if I were you, and try and see what you can do to make it seem smoother. Later on, I understand their relationship because they are friends, but in this part... not so much. So yeah, try and see what you can do to make it seem smoother and more realistic.
Next is when she see's Joseph for the first time. Now that part I don't really have much to comment on, other than good work. Although... I don't quite recall why he was there. Would you mind enlightening me on that? I either forgot or it was never really specified. Probably the former, as I don't think you would forget such a big detail. But one thing, is that she really fell for him just a bit too quick. From the very moment she saw him, it seemed that she liked him. In fairytales maybe that happens, but not in real life I don't think. It just didn't seem at all that real to me is all. I'd suggest maybe having a few thoughts here and there during their little conversation there that maybe suggested that perhaps she might think him handsome or something, but nothing to where she thought about him so much later on. Get what I mean?
And now! She is sent for by the Pharaoh. And OMG, this is like a hugeish major scene. Cause it just seals her fate, in just about everything. I mean, alright... she's a woman. But really? The Pharaoh signs her rights away without a second thought on it, as if she somehow didn't have some sort of say in it. Granted, this is a totally different time period so I understand why you did that, but still... I'm really glad I wasn't born in that time period. I'd be like, "Bring it on men!" xD
But anyway, how you first had Joseph looking at her was also very well done. I mean, right off she noticed that Joseph wasn't looking at her with lust, but with true admiration for her face and not her body. I liked that, because it showed that he was different from most men and wasn't out to just stare at her body with lust. Very nice.
Now we have the wedding and the fact that Joseph had her dress modestly for it. Seeing as he went to her slave for the task to be done, I can only suppose that Oni dressed modestly herself? But anyway, here I had a slight issue. It seemed to me that she fell for him too quick, and that after spending so many years living in the harem houses, she would resent her parents for it still and try and show that. I mean, wouldn't you? You come out of the harem houses, and boom, you're married to some man that you don't even know, wouldn't that make you resent your parents or at least Joseph? At the very least, her parents. I don't quite remember the scene in detail, but I do think that she should show her resentment towards her parents a bit more. Just to show that the hate was alive in her, and she wasn't going to ever forgive them.
And now I wanted to address the issue of her not loving him for some time and then gradually falling for him. Except it wasn't quite as gradually as you might have expected. Rather it seemed very jumpy to me. It seems to me that she was jumping back and forth with the discussion to love or to hate Joseph, each day and she didn't seem to have any firmness to what her discussion would be. Like she loves him one day, and the next somebody steps on her toes and she decides to hate him. Not exactly what I would like. I was thinking that perhaps it might be best if you start it off, at the wedding with her looking at him, thinking thoughts of love (because any girl that has been thrown into a harem house, is bound to want to love still) and then as the wedding goes on she see's that man in the garden with Joseph, and she decides that she doesn't want to love anymore, because all it did was bring her pain previously. But it stays that way. No jumping around afterwards her discussion. Maybe once or twice she might differently a little, like in a thought or slight mannerism of hers, but never in something else. And when it draws near to the time that she is supposed to ask for his forgiveness for shoving him out and not loving and all that, you start to have it to where she is beginning to love him, but is strongly fighting it.
Alright, and now we get to one of the most important parts of the book, I think. When Joseph saves her and they finally start acting like a couple. I'm just going to be honest here. The fact and the way that Joseph saved her was the most cliche way of having her fall for him, ever. Like ever. Guy falls for girl, girl wont have anything to do with him, guy saves girl, and they live happily ever after. Happens in a million stories, and it's not going to work here with this one. I mean, how stupid is it, that she falls into a river and he jumps in to save her, he saves her and she loves him. Instead of my heart beating and all that, I was most likely laughing instead. No offense, but it was rather silly the whole deal. I'd really suggest some new alternative to having her fall for him. Some other scenario that isn't generally used so often. I don't know exactly what that would be, but I think you'd be able to come up with something.
Next is how her brother arrives and begins to live with them and the like. That is something that I think I should really just skip over as I don't think there's much wrong with it in terms of plot and stuff. Seems to me that Ammon is one of those side characters that has a purpose to fufill in the end. And I think he did. He told Asenath what to do and instructed her in that, and in the end his purpose was fufilled. I liked Ammon for mainly the reason that he was Asenath's brother, not really any merit of his own. I mean, I he has a good personality I think and he did actually do something in this story, but I still wasn't sure I liked him that much. Just a so so character.
As we move on we get to the feast and how her parents try to dedicate her son to the service of the gods. Not something that I thought Joseph would go for, and I was right. BUT I wasn't expecting it to turn out quite like that. Well not what I mean. I mean, that I thought that Joseph was going to stand up and shout and yell at them first thing off the bat. Instead Ammon gets exposed and Joseph gets up and forbids it anyway. It was a good way of bringing out Ammon I believe.
After that, I think we get to where she has children and then when she also converts. Alright, I love how you have it to where they go and pray together after she converts. That's truly amazing, a pure strike of genius I think.
The next big thing is the death of her father and the conversion of her mother. Both not so nice to even think about, as her father died still believing in the pagan gods, and her mother was ill with some sort of disease (I can't place the name right now xD). But I'm glad you had it to where the mother accepted the faith and not the father. I mean, the mother started the whole thing with her being the most powerful woman in Egypt, right? It' seems only fitting that she came to Asenath's new faith and saw how happy she was and that the things of this world really don't mean much in the end. All the wealth that Asenath's father had, meant nothing in the end. Just a mere flip and turn in the wind, is all it really was I think. And you showed that well.
Now instead of focusing on the next major event, which would be the return of Joseph's brothers, I'm going to focus on a major nitpick of mine.
There seems to be a lot of scattered thought throughout. Like there is no special grounding to it. Such as out of the blue, she'll think something about how Joseph isn't doing it right, and so on. Not to mention that Asenath seems horribly immature at times, her thought process doesn't seem to have any real grounding to it. Like it's thrown throughout in the wind, and doesn't have any root. Now in order to fix that, you need to examine each line of thought and determine what it's purpose is. Its purpose is what exactly? Make sure each thought is perfectly grounded into what's happening at that moment and make sure it's rooting is firm into the setting. Or else it won't hold, and it will come off as flippant to most.
Now next I've noticed that you've dramatically improved in description. Now that is good, but by the end I still wasn't getting the visual that I should have been. More like it was so so. Try to first imagine the room as you go into the scene, and then as it goes along you describe the feel and touch of everything in the room, while bringing together a vivid picture. ( Description) That article should help you, better than I ever dreamed of doing. So let's hope it does!
1). I want to change the title. I'm thinking about Asenath:The Vision of Egypt. Any other ideas?
Hmm, I don't have any ideas, but I would like to say that I like Vision of Egypt title a lot better than Tears on Sand. It seems to fit the book more, and it also sounds more Egyptian!
2) What was the main nitpick you felt you like were always having to point out?
That would be scattered thought process, description, and also there were too many details that needed expanding on more. For instance in this chapter, I think her conversation with Simeon could have been expanded on more and made more dramatic. If you get what I mean. Also, the romance chapters are something that I particularly didn't like. That's something that I couldn't bear I don't think. I also cannot bear Asenath's way of talking. I went into this before, but I think I'll do it now again. She really just sounds like a child half the time. Not like a mature 27 or 30 (?) year old. xD Sorry, if that sounds a bit harsh. Those are the main things I think you could work on.
3) What one plot element that should be expanded? What is one element that should be minimized?
I think the part with his brothers need to be expanded on just a bit more. Even by just a chapter or two. To be minimized though... I don't think I can remember a time when I thought something was too out there. I will let you know if I do remember though. 
4). What age are you? you don't have to give me a specific age, but a range would be nice or a description that gives me an idea (such as pre-teen, junior high, high school, young adult, adult)
I am in 12th grade, but I'm 15.
5) On a scale of 1-10 (One being this needs to be lit on fire and 10 being this is worthy to be a bestseller), what would you rate this novel? If it is under 5, please explain.
I would give it around a six or seven. The idea is awesome, and it's presented well in most cases, but the writing style still needs to be developed. Just needs a bit more of a filler I guess.
Alright, that's it from me! Hope this helps you out and be sure to PM me if you have any questions, or need another review! You got this Aravis.
Keep writing!
~Cricket
I am so thankful for all your insightful reviews! I suppose I should actually thank my sister for forcing you to do this.....................
Yeah, thank your sis, she made me do this, but honestly I'm glad I did. This story is awesome. 
It's over.... I think I'm going to cry!!!! Literally!
Points: 1658
Reviews: 401
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