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Young Writers Society



Asenath:Tears on the Sand Chapter 32

by Aravis10


XXXII

Asenath watched Joseph mount his chariot from behind the red and white curtains of her litter.

Back where all this mess started.

From Joseph’s tone earlier that morning, either all this mess would be fixed or something serious would happen. Someone’s life was at stake. But who? Joseph’s, one of the brothers, hers? She didn’t know. And this fact scared her like nothing else.

Joseph intensely watched the gates. She watched them too. Nothing. Then…something. The doors swung wide. There were the brothers just like Joseph said. They were surrounded by guards, and the dark giant from Punt held Benjamin’s wrists tightly behind him. Benjamin’s face was pale; he looked like a cornered rabbit. Joseph stepped out of his chariot, his face grave. Msrah, who had been leading the procession, came forward and presented a silver cup to Joseph.

His royal cup! How did Msrah get it?

Joseph took it and turned it in his hand, feeling the intricate designs. In the meantime, the brothers totally prostrated themselves on the ground.

His dreams come true again.

Joseph scowled then said sternly, “What have you done? Did you not know that men like me can see the future?”

Judah replied in a hoarse voice, “What can we say? Elohim has found the guilt of your servants; now we are my lord’s servants, both we and he also whose sack the cup was found in.”

Benjamin! Benjamin stole Joseph’s cup!

“No, that is unjust,” Joseph answered. “Only this boy shall be my slave. The rest of you may go in peace and my blessings to your father.”

In that moment, everything clicked for Asenath. Everything Joseph had done with his brothers made sense.

He’s setting them up!

Benjamin was favored above them all; he had been given the best food, the best accommodations-just like Joseph so many years back. Now the brothers had a choice of whether or not to get rid of another nuisance once and for all. They would not be guilty; Benjamin had “stolen” the cup.

She held her breath as Judah slowly rose and took a step forward. His eyes were downcast, and his brow glistened with sweat. Msrah interpreted as he began to speak. “Oh my lord, please let your servant speak a word in my lord’s ear, and do not be angry with me though you are as great as Pharaoh and I will still speak openly to you.”

Very bold.

He reminded the vizier that they had been commanded to bring Benjamin down to Egypt though it might kill their father.

Joseph’s father! His life is on the line!

“We went home and told your servant my father all that my lord had said. And when our father wanted us to return to buy grain, we told him we could not unless our youngest brother came as well. My father told us that his beloved wife had borne him only two sons, one had left and never been seen again. If the other goes and he is harmed, he told us that it would be our fault that he died. If this boy does not return with us, your servant my father will die of sorrow. And I promised before I left that if the boy did not return, I would bear the guilt forever.”

Joseph listened with his arms crossed. His eyes asked, “What are you going to do about it?”

“So…”Judah paused. “Please let me be your slave instead, and let this boy return to his father. For how could I go back to my father without him?” Judah finished, still looking at the ground.

Now Joseph had a choice. He could keep Judah as a slave to repay all the evil that had been done or send them all home in mercy.

Elohim! Shine through all this confusion.

Joseph turned to his attendants, the guards, and Asenath’s litter bearers. “All of you-go.” His face was tense, trying to hold back strong emotions. She sighed as her servants carried her out of the courtyard. Msrah cast Joseph a strange look.

But he must need to be alone with them for whatever reason.

All the Egyptians went into the house together as commanded. Once inside, they flocked to the windows. Asenath pushed through to a perfect spot to see what would happen.

Joseph covered his face with his hands as tears poured down. He then began to shake and sob. All Asenath could do was smile as Joseph took his wig off, letting his curly, sweaty hair out. She heard him faintly tell his brothers, “Yowceph hayah.” She wasn’t exactly sure what had been said; it was obviously Hebrew. But she knew that Joseph had told his brothers who he was!

Finally!

The slaves who were watching began to point at his hair and whisper among themselves. She whipped around. “Do you think he had you leave so you could continue gawking? No! Now, shoo! Off with you! Back to your duties,” she said with a firm tone. Then she gave the some of the female slaves a playful wink just to make sure they knew she wasn’t angry. She also walked away from the window, feeling a bit disappointed to be left out. Of course, she wouldn’t have known what they were saying anyway.

I wonder if my boys watched all that.

She followed the hall in the left wing to Amnon’s room, which also served as his study and the boy’s schoolroom. The room was dark and muggy. The walls were lined with crisscrossed shelves for scrolls, parchments, extra papyrus, jars of ink, reed brushes, clay tablets, and small chisels. A simple bed and a few chests were pushed into the corner. The main piece of furniture was a high backed wooden chair where Amnon read and taught from. But it was empty. And there were the two worn spots on the reed rug where her boys sat to copy their hieroglyphics.

Where are they?

She the remembered that on hot days, which was almost every day the past year or so, they started lessons on the roof.

To the roof I suppose.

She climbed the stairs at the end of the hall. Manasseh sat up there with his back toward her and a papyrus in front of him. Amnon leaned over him, trying to help his nephew copy the hieroglyphic for “mysterious.” Manasseh bit his lip to focus intently on his clumsy hand. Ephraim’s papyrus and brush lay close by, but he was peeking through empty blocks on the roof wall, built to let cool breezes in.

Amnon looked up from his teaching. “Asenath! What brings you to our lesson?”

Ephraim turned around, a wide grin on his face. “Mother! Did you see what happened? The shepherds came back and poppa was going to make the youngest one a slave and then the one with the dark beard talked for a long time and now father is crying and speaking to them all in Hebrew and they are hugging and crying like they know each other! Are they…could they be poppa’s…”

Manasseh broke in on his brother’s rant. “That is ridiculous. Let father do what he wants. You are just trying to get out of lessons.”

“He finished his lessons for the morning. That is why I allowed him to watch,” Amnon said with a stern eye.

Ephraim grabbed Asenath’s hand. “Look!”

She peeked over the ledge. The brothers were still talking among themselves, obviously still bewildered by their sudden change in situation. Criminals on trial to beloved brothers of Egypt’s second in command! But joseph was nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly, he burst onto the roof, smiling from ear to ear, but with tear stains on his cheeks. “Boys! Did you watch that?”

Ephraim ran up. “I did!”

Manasseh eagerly dropped his papyrus. “I watched the beginning…”

“And Asenath! Did you see?”

“I watched until you set me out, my lord,” she answered meekly.

“Elohim has worked wonders! Just amazing! They really have changed.” He swung Manasseh onto his shoulders and scooped Ephraim into his arms. “Sons, remember the story I told you about my wicked brothers, your uncles, who sent me here?”

They nodded.

“Those men down there are your uncles!”

Ephraim frowned. “Kick them out! They did bad things to you and I don’t want them here.”

“Me neither,” Manasseh agreed.

“No, no, things are different now. They have repented and changed and Elohim has forgiven them. So we will too. Won’t we, dearest?” he said, extending his free hand to her.

“We will.”

“And now they are moving here with their families!”

“Here? We won’t have room!”

Joseph let out a clear laugh, something he had not done for months. “No, not here. Pharaoh has invited them to live in Egypt and I will ask him for the land of Goshen. It still has some grass for their sheep and good land to live on after this famine.”

Ephraim clapped his hands. “More uncles and some aunts! And grandfather? Will he come too?”

“Yes, my boy. You will finally meet your grandfather. But now, let’s go meet your uncles!”

Manasseh tapped his father’s head. “May I walk with momma?”

Joseph agreed, lifting him off his shoulders. Once he reached the ground, Manasseh clutched her hand. She sensed that he was apprehensive about meeting the new shepherd uncles. On the other hand, Ephraim clambered to the top of Joseph’s shoulders and cried, “Let’s go!”

Like her sons, part of Asenath wanted to laugh and rejoice.

So many new brothers who also worship Elohim! And Joseph’s wise father! I can’t wait to meet him!

But the other part held back.

What if his father doesn’t like me? Or what if they look down on me as a heathen? And what will Simeon think?

She did not have much time to worry as Joseph giddily pulled her down the stairs towards her family.

Family? Simeon, Judah, and the rest…family?

The men stood instinctively when they saw Joseph coming, their faces bright with relief at his wide smile. Each one then turned his gaze on her and the boys, probably surprised by her change in dress, Manasseh’s long ponytail on the side of his head, and Ephraim’s uncanny resemblance to his father and no doubt their late stepmother Rachel. She smiled warmly and bowed with her arms spread wide to welcome them. As she stood back up, she glanced at Simeon.

He caught her eye, and recognition dawned on his face. “Eliora?” he whispered.

Joseph affectionately introduced them in Hebrew. “Acenath, Menashsheh, Ephrayim.”

Simeon stared at her the whole time, trying to figure it all out, while she avoided his gaze.

Joseph also introduced the brothers to her and the boys, though she already knew their names. “Reuben, Simeon, Levi, Judah, Dan, Naphtali, Gad, Asher, Issachar, Zebulun, and Benjamin.” When he finished, he turned to her. “How about a dinner for everyone tonight, Msrah’s family, your mother and Amnon, my brothers, and us? It doesn’t have to be too big, considering the famine.”

“How will we speak? I know very little Hebrew.”

“We are a family now. We can make it work. Are you willing to try?”

She cast another look over the men in front of her, then at her sons. Simeon’s eyes met hers again, reminding her of her deception.

Elohim, you have forgiven me. Now I can move on.

“I’ll try.”


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Sat Oct 18, 2014 1:47 pm
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ThereseCricket wrote a review...



Hi! Cricket here for a review!

Whoah, I'm going to miss reviewing this when I get to the next chapter! Wow, I think I've formed quite an attachment to this story. I'll be sure to give an overall of the final impression that this story gave me in my final review for you (hopefully in about two days or so).

Well this was what I had expected to happen, but one thing I particularly enjoyed were the small details that you put in there. Such as, he pulling off his wig, he saying words in Hebrew, him talking to Asenath later. It all came together I think. One thing I don't like, are the way the children address their parents. Poppa? Surely there is a more formal way of addressing one's parents back then! Now I understand that if you want Joseph and Asenath to appear different as parents than the rest, but still... the parents should expect some sort of formal address from the parents. It was common back then for parents to expect the utmost and profound respect from their children. Looking at this right here, I'd say that the children respected and loved their parents, but didn't exactly show it as well as I thought children from back then would. Understand what I mean...? :D

One more thing before I go into nitpicks. Why did Asenath go to find her sons, if such an important moment was taking place in the courtyard? I mean, duhh, she's a mother. Mother's are naturally concerned over the well being of their children, but I think she would have known that her children were perfectly fine at the moment. I mean, I think so at least. Wouldn't she had known before, when she was setting out the day or something? Maybe, I'm stressing this out a little, but I don't think she'd leave the scene to just find her children. If you did that to show that she was concerned or something, then good work. But to be on the safe side... I'd make sure that's the reason. If I were Asenath, I'd be refusing to budge while that scene took place! ;)

Someone’s life was at stake. But who? Joseph’s, one of the brothers, hers?


How is someone's life at risk? Joseph is the vizier. I don't think he would hurt any of his brothers. And he most certainly wouldn't hurt Asenath. Sooo who's life is in danger? Maybe clear that up with me? :D Thanksss

Benjamin! Benjamin stole Joseph’s cup!


Whoahhh, how on earth did she figure that out so fast? It could have been any one of them! It could have been Simeon for all we know! Now I'm not saying she shouldn't say this outright in her thought process, but something leading up to that, that mentions that it was indeed Benjamin would be very helpful. Also, her just saying it outright like that, with nothing leading up to it, is a type of telling and not showing. There needs to be explanation of everything, or else somebody will get confused. (like me :P)

now father is crying and speaking to them all in Hebrew


Hmm, how old is this kid? If you want... you can make him seem somehow more childish, by having him replace the speaking to them all in Hebrew with speaking to them all in some strange language. That way we might get the feel more that the Hebrew language is foreign to the children, and it will be new having aunts and uncles that are Hebrew.

Typo


But joseph was nowhere to be seen.


Forgot capitalization here is all. xD

“I watched until you set me out, my lord,” she answered meekly.


Idk, I'm just going to be honest. I really don't like Asenath right now. Now she is reminding me of somebody who wants to succumb to every person who happens to be a man. She's meek, and obedient and that's awesome! Truly it is, but I don't like the way you're portraying it. Right now, I'm feeling like she's somehow beneath him. Like a child or servant. I don't think that's technically what you're going for, right? I mean, before she reminded me of a strong willed woman, who was humble and loyal. After the fight with Joseph though... I keep getting the impression that they aren't equals. Maybe work out that a bit? Husband and wife should treat each other like equals, not as one on the bottom and the below. Hope that sorta made sense.

Alright, so I lovelovelovelove the way you ended this chapter. Shows that she's ready to move on and put the past behind her. God forgave her, and that's all she needs. She's just going to move forward and ignore what she's done in the past. That's the kind of person I like, really. Isn't stopped by what they've done in the past. xD More than that, I do like how you had her introduced to his family. Seems that they will get along well most likely. Although, I'm sorta wondering what's going to happen in the next chapter when it all ends(:) ) and Simeon and her maybe talk? Maybe. I haven't read it yet, but sorta halfway expecting some sort of confrontation or at least a couple of phrases that will explain everything. Can't wait to read the next chapter! Hopefully I'll be able to get the last one in by the end of tomorrow, but I'm really not sure. Sorry, this one took so long, but I've been super busy these past few days, so I hope you don't mind the wait! :D

Keep writing! ^_-^

~Cricket




Aravis10 says...


I didn't mind too much.... I was just checking my computer every 30 minutes the past few days I am soooooo excited to see what you think of the end!!!!!!!!



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Tue Sep 23, 2014 12:42 am
Wolfi wrote a review...



Wolfie is finalllyyyy heeerrreee!

Asenath watched Joseph mount his chariot from behind the red and white curtains of her litter.

Nice job on this beginning sentence! Just one thing. Do you really mount a chariot, or do you just climb in? You probably know a lot more about chariots than I do, so what do you think?
“What can we say? Elohim has found the guilt of your servants; now we are my lord’s servants, both we and he also whose sack the cup was found in.”

Woah. I read this through a few times, but I still don't understand it very well. Could you rephrase this and break up the sentence, possibly, for it to make more sense? If it is an exact quote, then never mind, but I doubt it.
To the roof I suppose.

All you need is a little comma after "roof."
Manasseh sat up there

Meh. "Manasseh was sitting up there" or something like that sounds much better.
But joseph was nowhere to be seen

Eeeep!!
“More uncles and some aunts!

I don't like that "some." :P
“May I walk with momma?”

Capitalize "momma."
“How will we speak? I know very little Hebrew.”

Wait... Joseph's brothers speak only Hebrew? I know that can't be true; Asenath was able to talk to Simeon.

Wow, this chapter.... this chapter, this chapter, this chapter!!!! I am in love with this chapter! <3 This is an incredibly monumental part in the story, and you wrote it all so wonderfully and perfectly and amazingly (those nitpicks were nothing)!!!! It was absolutely wonderful to see Joseph's emotions come out with his brothers, and gosh, you set it up like a professional! The reader feels so bad for the brothers, who would have to return to their father without Benjamin.

The only thing I think you could work on is about Benjamin and when he "steals" the cup, since I think that's the main point in the Bible story. To someone who doesn't know the story before, I can see that it might be a little confusing.

Great job, Aravis!!! The emotion and setup and everything was just so wonderfully done, and I loved how you seemed to have everyone in this chapter: Asenath, her sons, Amnon, Msrah, Joseph, his brothers, even the mention of Asenath's mother.

YOU ARE AMAZING!

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Aravis10 says...


I'm so glad you liked it! I wanted to bring the Bible story to life by giving it emotions. I was really worried about this chapter would not do that. Thanks for the encouragement! :)



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Mon Sep 22, 2014 1:45 am
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r4p17 wrote a review...



Knight r4 here to review this work at long last, Aravis... I am so sorry that it took me so long. I need to get back into the swing of reviewing regularly. :P I have been pretty busy with school starting up again. Anyways, I guess I better get reviewing. I certainly hope this helps!

His dreams come true again.
Do you think that she would have remembered that? It seems like most of the time when people are living out an important event in history they don't even realize it.

“Yowceph hayah.”
I'm a little confused... Hebrew doesn't have any vowels, so I don't think this can be Hebrew... idk.

I wonder if my boys watched all that.
If they were with the slaves she should have seen them and shooed them off, right?

She followed the hall in the left wing to Amnon’s room, which also served as his study and the boy’s schoolroom.
If I were her, I would keep watching Joseph and his brothers. I am not quite sure why she is so consumed with where her children are when there is an important event unfolding.

You are just trying to get out of lessons.”
Hahaha! I can just imagine a kid in my church acting that way! :P This just really amused me. :)

“I watched until you set me out, my lord,” she answered meekly.
There is a minor typo here. You said "set" istead of "sent"

Pharaoh has invited them to live in Egypt and I will ask him for the land of Goshen.
it would have taken longer than that to get aproval from Pharaoh.

Acenath, Menashsheh, Ephrayim.”
More typos... :( Sorry... but these ones were big.

Aside from that, great chapter! I can't wait to read the end! I am so excited to finish this! Not to mention the fact fact that I will no longer have to do all these reviews! I'm just kidding. I enjoyed reading it! Happy writing!!! :D

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Aravis10 says...


I looked up the Hebrew on a Bible app so I'm hoping it's accurate. ??? It has no vowels! I'm not sure about that.... Those "typos" are actual the Hebrew spellings so I did it on purpose. Thanks for fitting me in! :)



r4p17 says...


Ok. The way I know that Hebrew has no vowels is from my dad who knows Hebrew. I'm not sure if they should be in the translated version or not though... And I totally didn't realize those typos were intentional!



Aravis10 says...


He knows Hebrew! That is so cool! Sorry I doubted. I can look into that more.



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"The trouble with Borrowing another mind was, you always felt out of place when you got back to your own body, and Granny was the first person ever to read the mind of a building. Now she was feeling big and gritty and full of passages. 'Are you all right?' Granny nodded, and opened her windows. She extended her east and west wings and tried to concentrate on the tiny cup held in her pillars."
— Terry Pratchett, Discworld: Equal Rites