Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!
First Impression: Well...I imagined a very different story when I started reading, and it was a very different story when it ended...and well...its an interesting different, I won't quite go to say its a good different because I didn't quite think it fit with the whole hospital atmosphere the way its described, just in my opinion but alright...more details on all that down below.
Anyway let's get right to it,
The hallway was white. So white, in fact, that he nearly couldn’t distinguish where the floor ended and the walls began, save for a faint, yellow line in the crack where the two met. His gaze sought that line, desperately seeking the abnormality in an otherwise pristine place. This… perfection was torture. How could something stand to be so perfect when his life was anything but?
Okay....well that's a very interesting start...hmm...seeking the abnormality in a wall that's somehow supposed to be perfection, okay...that's not a start that I have seen on any other story before this...so that's something that catches my attention here...aaand the description here makes it seem like it could be some sort of torture room considering its all white so that is also really interesting..let's see where its going I suppose.
Breathe; in and out, a tiny voice in the back of his mind urged him, and eventually he listened. He tore is gaze away from the small imperfection and carried on down the white hallway. The flickering lights overhead only shed more white into the space, except for where it cast his shadow wildly about. His shadow splotched large black holes in the hallway, yet another imperfection. He could find solace in that. Maybe this white utopia wasn’t as perfect as he thought. Of course it wasn't, he had to remind himself. She was locked here.
Hmm....well doesn't quite look like a torture room if he's walking down a hallway there with flickering lights. Flickering lights certainly sound like its going to be pretty interesting considering that's always a sign something mysterious and fun is set to happen. And that last line is definitely very interesting...
He exited through a set of double doors in the hallway, entering yet another white corridor. Perfect oaken doors lined each side of the hall in perfect symmetry. One door stood out from the rest, though. That door lacked all of the perfection of the others, sitting right across from him at the end of the hallway. In appearance, the door was perfect, like the rest, yet he knew what it held. That was the door he began to walk towards.
Okay...well...the word perfection is definitely being very much nailed into our heads at this point from how often this is being used but...okay...given that is also the title, I will cut this a little bit of slack here...aaand this seems like a pretty cool prison of sorts from what I'm seeing at any rate...which is also pretty interesting.
His hand gripped the cold metal of the door handle, his fingers turning white as he squeezed. Slowly, he turned it open, stepping into the dark room. The door shut behind him, blocking out the light of the hallway. Only one light remained: a small table lamp beside her pale face.
Well that door is either designed to be suuper tough or it hasn't been opened in quite a while cause there's no way its going to be that hard to open otherwise. To get your knuckles to turn white opening a door, that has to be a pretty tight mechanism.
She was no longer perfect. Just six months ago, she had been beautiful. Her face was smooth and buoyant. The liquid amber eyes settled in that lovely face seem to come alive with the smallest of grins. They were framed by dark, long eyelashes, natural, of course. She didn’t believe in makeup. She didn’t need it. Her nose was just a little crooked, but it added to her beauty. That one, small imperfection did nothing to hinder the perfection that she was. Her long blonde hair used to be a shiny mane of curls that cascaded down her back. She radiated happiness and energy; perfect.
Okay...the word perfection is kinda starting to get a bit too much now, you really need to moderate the use of that a little bit more or its just going to get repetitive and a bit annoying to see, but setting that aside, this is certainly an intriguing description.
Now, she lay there, eyes closed, strapped in a web of tubes. Her face was pale and clammy, her hair stringy and damp. She couldn’t move anymore, trapped in this imperfect body. It was failing her. Her spirit was perfect, but not the mortal vessel she was trapped in. The doctors warned him that she would never leave the coma, but he didn’t believe that. She was perfect… She couldn’t leave him like that.
Okay...so now its a bit of a hospital, alright, that's an interesting reveal there considering the whole thing was really giving me serious prison vibes from how everything was at this point....and well this seems a little sad, probably some that's fairly close to our protagonist here appears to be in a coma that looks to be fatal, and it looks like she's been in that coma for quite a while.
He sat down beside her bed, watching the light flicker over her once-perfect face. A small part of him knew the doctors were right. The world just wasn’t perfect. He traced her face with his gaze, remembering all of the perfect memories they’d had together. Slowly, a well of tears bubbled in his eyes, and try as he might to dry it, they began to trickle down his cheeks. Before long, the sobs shook his body. He stayed like that for what seemed like hours, crying at his wife’s bedside, before he finally stood and walked to the door of the dark room. He grabbed onto the handle and pulled the door open, flooding the room with light again. With one last look at her, he left, turning his back on perfection.
Oh dear...well when you say close...finding out its this man's wife certainly makes this story get you in the feels a lot more soundly...oh dear..well that is a horrible situation to be in and the emotions he shows there at the end as he continues his denial before realizing the truth nagging at the back of his mind and breaking down....very realistic depiction of what might happen in a situation like that. Well...pretty sad end to this story here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, it was a pretty decent story, its got some interesting descriptions, and then that final reveal there and the emotions that went along with it was done pretty well here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 265614
Reviews: 4145
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