Young Writers Society

Does this poem have a double meaning? Because two messages are palpable to me here . One is that melanie coli is a metaphor for melancholie. I feel lucky about this one. The second is that melanie coli is a love interest, possibly the cause of your ahnedonia, although ite possible you wouldnt remember a highschool event. It seems to be about existential despair. But what do I really know about you. The poem is simple and effecrive, the paragraphs connected by the use of the frases incorporating the idea of the soothing lullaby and not wanting to exist. This allows for a proper flow. I would suggest that you change "put me asleep" to "put me to sleep" or something of the like, as this is the one grammatical fallcy that I could find. Good writing.

For a moment, I got very excited by the fact that you used the name "Melanie," because I thought I remembered reading that the name "Melanie" means honey or something and your poem uses a bee metaphor (or at least, that's how I took it), but...no. No, I was wrong. I was thinking of "Melissa."

The name Melissa is a Greek baby name. In Greek the meaning of the name Melissa is: Bee. Famous bearer: Melissa, Mythological princess of Crete transformed to a bee after learning to collect honey.

Hey bard! Thewriter13 here to give a review!
Poetry is my specialty, so I'm glad you linked me to this!
Sp first I'll start with nitpicks, then praise, and then what could be worked on.

Nitpicks!

The things aren't right

Steal my mind while you're there

Put me asleep.