The preacher asked us to give up something before we took communion. I knew there was no God or higher power, but my parents didn’t. They loved me even though I denied their faith. But that night, I wanted to make them happy. Giving up my beliefs, I took communion and chained myself to this role I was an actress for life playing their perfect, christian daughter.
“Mom. Dad. I wanted to let you know that I committed myself to Christ in church today.”
“I’m so proud of you,” my dad blubbered. He looked as proud as he would if I saved the world.
“I’m glad you came around,” my mom told me holding my hands. We were all crying. It was easy for me to play along. I didn’t have to force myself to cry.
From that day on, I had to pray every night with them. I joined a bible study to keep the lie believable and commit myself more. I had to convince everyone in the church that my love for Jesus Christ was strong as anyone else’s in the church.
Everyone in church started to love me. They loved me when I covered myself in my veil of lies. When I wore my veil, the white-haired old ladies would tell me I was a beautiful, young lady. I’d wear my veil and hold my bible, and the elders would pat me on the back. I’d wear my veil and my parents would take me out for ice cream. I wore this veil so much, I worried I would never be able to take it off.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well...this was quite an intriguing story this one, it definitely has some very intriguing undercurrents to it among the main story itself, and the main story itself is pointing out what must be quite a stressful environment for this girl to have to subject herself to just to be treated like a normal person.
Anyway let's get right to it,
OKay...well that sounds like a lovely supporting family there to start with at least, them continuing to love them despite her wanting to choose her own path, and well, its upto her at any rate..but hmm...well it certainly is a very interesting decision by her there to want to play a part for the rest of her life, that's a pretty life changing decision to take at any rate, well let's see where this is headed here.
Well...that last line is certainly powerful and you can't really blame her for that one at all, I didn't expect parents that were supposed to be supportive to react like that, that definitely seems like the parents were doing some acting of their own when they said they still loved her and accepted here...hmm...well let's see how this charade ends up going at any rate.
Well...she's going all out there to try and convince everyone, she's certainly very focused on trying to appear as the perfect daughter that she is supposed to be, well acting like that for your whole life is something that just generally doesn't work out great for most people, so this is not looking very good at the moment, at any rate it appears to be building towards something here.
Oh dear, well, we're ending by mentioning the true danger of such and act here. It is quite painful to see how everyone seems to care about her and treat here really well only once she tries to act in the way that they want her to, and then her having to retreat behind a veil of lies as you put in order for her to be treated like any child should be...well...this is certainly capturing a dark side to how these things sometimes tend to pan out.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall this is certainly a very intriguing story this one. Its conveying what must be quite a difficult situation to be stuck in and bringing to light some very interesting points here. At any rate, that's all I gotta say here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey there,
Dennis here with a review for you!
I think you perfectly reflect some of the dangerous enviroments of general religion in this piece. If this is a true story then I can not begin to comprehend the stress and pain you must be feeling right now. I am sorry.
Christians should care for everyone, not just their own. I think this piece really tells a great story and could be built upon. I feel a very personal connection to the character and I feel sorry for her.
I think this shows how christians will only accept you if you believe exactly what they believe, which I think is horrible. If you can only love people in the same church or from the same religion as you I think you are a low human-being.
Really well written, as I have said, a strong connection to the main character and I can feel her pain. Would love to read more from you!
- Dennis
Welcome to YWS kells! This was quite a dramatic piece. I hope this isn't autobiographical because the love from the people of your church is incomparable to the love one can experience from Jesus Christ who died for our sins to save us! But this isn't the debate forums so on to the review!!
I think you need to put "... if I had saved the world".I like the metaphor about being "chained" to your role of a Christian, it really captures the tone of being trapped in a cycle and is good imagery for this poem.
This was edited really well so I see only a few mistakes.
In this sentence:
Also "bible" should be capitalized I think because it's a book title.
This reads like a small part of a short story/novel, it's fast paced but interesting. Although the story doesn't quite seem finished maybe because the ending is sort of depressing.
Good luck in your future work and have a great day!
~alliyah
Hello.
Kanome here with a review for you.
Okay, it is nice of a story. It really is.
I love how the main character sacrificed her beliefs for her parents for a day.
Sometimes, though, parents need to understand that we are free to believe what we want to believe.
This character showed how much she cared and loved her family, and I respect that, all the way.
I wish you can continue this. This would make a great novel if you think about it c:
All I can say is to keep up the great work.
I can't wait to read more c:
Hello kelsmore!
This short is kind of sad. Sometimes, you can't help but fall into a pit dug by lies. I try my best not to, but sometimes we can't help ourselves. Sometimes, I wish that there was a way that the human race would have the inability to lie. But, if we couldn't lie, there would be a whole lot more people out of work.
~Kelpies