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Young Writers Society


18+ Language

A Lesson In Life From an A******

by Aliyah


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

I would've given up my whole life for you,
but you couldn't spare me one second.
I would've crossed oceans for you,
but you can't even jump over a damn puddle for me.
I would've learned to fly for you,
but you couldn't even give me a simple fucking step.

I gave you so much and you gave me nothing.

I gave you my umbrella to guard you from the rain,
And you caught a cab and left me drenched on the side of the road.
I gave you my heart and said "Treat it well. It's fragile."
And you crushed it between your hands and threw it on the ground.

But that's okay.

Because I've learned to not get too attached.
I've learned to swim farther than you ever could.
I've learned to fly to places in which you've never seen.

I thought you gave me nothing but realized that despite the piece of shit you were,
you taught me things that I would've never known.

I learned to not only love the rain but to dance in it
And I learned to protect my heart and value it,
Instead of giving it to anyone who filled it with something other than loneliness.

So fuck you,
But also, thank you.

***This is more of a spoken-word poem***


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47 Reviews


Points: 1131
Reviews: 47

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Sun Jun 29, 2014 2:37 am
RoxieRain wrote a review...



I love it. I also know that feeling from experience and I couldn't have said it better myself. There isn't anything I would fix, it is really great. And the message you learn from this experience is really good despite all the hardships and heartbreak you have to go through before you realize the true thing that you are being taught. Great job. Can't wait to read more of your pieces.
Keep up the great writing! :-)
-Roxie Rain




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Sat Jun 28, 2014 12:37 pm
MargoSeuss wrote a review...



Hello, Aliyah. This is Margo, here for a review. You have portrayed two emotions very well with this poem. The first was a clear frustration and anger toward the subject (that would be the asshole) and the second is a feeling of acceptance and gratitude. I like the examples you gave as well. You gave him your umbrella; he caught a cab and left you in the rain...they paint a good picture of what this relationship was like in the reader's mind.

I would reword a few of your lines just to increase the flow with this. For example:
"Because I've learned to not get too attached." <--Because I've learned not to get too attached" placing 'to' after 'not' sounds nicer in my opinion.


"I thought you gave me nothing but realized that despite the piece of shit you were," <-- I would keep this in the present tense. "Despite the piece of shit you are" for some reason when I read this line in the past tense I feel like the guy is dead or that he was a piece of shit and now he's morphed into a beautiful butterfly!

Overall, a very expressive poem! The last two lines amuse me :)
Keep writing and rewriting! A good work is never done!



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Aliyah says...


Hello Margo, I almost called you Regina. Whoops. Anyways, thank you for all the positive feedback and I agree with the wording changes you suggested so thank you for those. :)



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351 Reviews


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Sat Jun 28, 2014 9:57 am
Kanome wrote a review...



Hello.
Kanome here with a review.

Maaaan, you spoke out openly with this poem. Spoken-word or not, you speak the truth.
I was in the same situation, and I have learned not to get to attached to something who won't give the same treatment as you give them. So totes for that.

Also, I am glad you didn't overdo it with the cursing (This place is more of a cursing-free zone kind of...)

Your poem gives out a true lesson. Your poem can actually help others who are in the same situation, or people in the near future.
One of the best poems I read all night, as I do say so myself.

I don't see any grammar or content errors, so keep up the great work. I can't wait to read more c:

P.S - I noticed that you are new here, so welcome to YWS c: If you have any questions, you can just PM me, or ask anyone, or ask the Mods (the members that have the green on their names.) I am glad to see new faces around here. c:





Homo sum, humani nihil a me alienum puto (I am a man, I don't consider anything human foreign to me)
— Terence