Hi Noelle! Now you might be wondering why I’m posting a review on such an old work of yours >.> To answer that question, I’m completing some challenges for the RevMo checklist :) Also, maybe you’ll come back if you get a review ;) Let’s hop into it!
So, you've got a very deliberate style for this work, and I think it works well. It has an almost ebb and flow, an answer of call of sorts where the speaker, Misery, is narrating how the reader, the you, reacts to them and how they react back, either with disinterest or malice. It's clear the blunt, choppy sentences are intentional, since it's repeated throughout the work, and it all blends together to give a strong voice to the idea of Misery. It's really effective in putting you on edge and keeping you there.
The only line that I think didn't fit with the rest of the piece was this one:
You can't see me coming, but you love to watch me go, shouting expletives until I'm out of sight.
The sentence starts off in the same answer and call, of "you don't see me coming, but you love to watch me go", so it feels like this section has already concluded. But then taking on the shouting feels like it interrupts the flow that the rest of the piece has set up. It also doesn't feel super necessary, because it gives a bit more agency to the reader than the rest of the piece does. At no other point does the reader "act" like they do by shouting at Misery, which I think works by giving Misery all the power that the reader cannot react to. I honestly feel the piece would be stronger without it, or maybe even something else more blunt. Like "you try to shoo me off, but i'm leaving of my own according. the neighbors look more appealing anyway" which could be another transition.
As it stands, I think it does what you try to accomplish. However, if you were ever looking to revist this or expand this piece, I think there's a lot of ways you can take it. You could take a bit of a horror approach and try to evoke a more, creeping, sinister emotion in the reader. You could play up the hopeless by giving more some more imagery through Misery's actions.
Another possible suggestion for this piece could have an element of escalation. You could almost frame it like a story by starting off small. You can put the reader in the action (again, without agency, because I think that's a strong part of the work), and start with them noticing the little things. The chip in their favorite mug, the pothole on the way to work, the last parking space being taken, etc. And then it starts to build and grow like a tsunami wave until it overtakes the whole piece and Misery takes over, truly "wins". It's an interesting idea to play around with and take this piece to another level ^^
Otherwise, this an interesting legacy piece
Maybe it will inspire you with another thought bubble.Happy writing!
~ Wolfe
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