z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

with imPUNiTEA

by Kale


Killer jokes fly over
head like the candles at Maestros' tea.

Mom has
slain twenty men—she's set to slay
twenty more by the end
of this event. Too elegant for lowly
puns, she slays with wit and
verve, and as I downed a raucous fool with a combination
punt,
Mom used me as a shield against a
devestating
barrage of
tipsy staff.

I barely survived. I don't think Mom noticed
(or cared).

It's come to the point where the jokes are so thick
in the air overhead, you can see the words. I
don't think any of the other guests will be surviving
Maestro's tea. As for me,
I'm playing dead and staying well-
grounded.

Sorry, Mom. That's what you get for attempting to
divest me of my life.

---

A sort-of sequel to this.

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Points: 3068
Reviews: 161

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Thu Apr 17, 2014 11:33 pm
kayfortnight wrote a review...



I will admit I couldn't quite "get" this, though I reread it a couple of times and tried.

Mom used me as a shield against a
devestating
barrage of
tipsy staff.

I couldn't understand what this part meant, with or without the pun. For one thing, "devestating" isn't a word, as far as I know. Perhaps you meant devasting? The pun wouldn't work with this, but then again, I'm not sure how the pun works in the original. "vest" doesn't seem to have anything to do with these lines. I think the "barrage of tipsy staff" line made more sense, and the bar pun communicates place. The tip pun is related to the poem, but still doesn't feel like it fits.

The bare, ground, and second vest puns also don't feel fitting to me... Maybe I'm missing some layer of this, but your poem was just plain confusing to me.




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557 Reviews

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Sat Apr 12, 2014 4:20 pm
Ventomology wrote a review...



Alrighty then...
Out of all the poems I've read, this is definitely something unique. Pun battles are some of the best things in the world, but you don't see poems about them, do you?
Now then, my biggest problem was that you repeated the 'vest' joke near the end. Granted, the one at the end made more sense, but it's a little weird seeing it again. Both have to do with taking people's vests, no?
Also, I honestly think that the 'bar' and 'tip' puns needed more context. I thought this was tea, not a bar, and had to really think before I found them funny. Unless that was your aim, to make us all squint and randomly laugh after the third read-through. Or I'm not even seeing the right meanings. That's a possibility too.
Nonetheless, I must applaud your vocabulary. It's been a while since I had to use context clues to understand a word.
Well... That's all I have to say. This was quite enjoyable to read, and I'm very glad I gave it a chance. (Poems without rhyme don't get along with everyone...)
Ciao!
P.S. For the jokes, it might have been my age that makes them seem weird to me. What really matters is if they're funny to you.





Sometimes I'm terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts.
— Poe