Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
Chapter Ten - Purity
“Nimbus… are you in there?”
The voice disturbed me from my slumber-- the first one in three days that had been without Kiven. Three days of pure solitude. Three days of nirvana. Three days without the being of hypocrisy that had masqueraded as a friend, as one who cared. I struggled in vain to cling to the restful world of sleep-- a lovely world, filled with soft colors and warmth --but felt myself grow more and more awake. The voice robbed me of this nirvana, it did.
Again the voice called to me. It was an unfamiliar, masculine voice that held a slight tone of worry. Had Celsko sent her mate to check on that crazy fuck up on the mountain? I opened my eyes and raised my head.
At the entrance of my cave stood a drake, his form, silhouetted black as the sun rose over the opposite ridge line.
“Yes, I am here.” I growled, then, in a sharp, spiteful tone, “Who are you... and what brings you here?”
“I am Veexer-- You know me, do you not?”
My stomach tied itself in knots as I heard his words. I got to my feet and crept out of my cave with a fair amount of circumspect, wincing in the morning sunlight. It was the first time in years that I had gotten near enough to Veexer to truly get a good look at the drake. He had grown larger, having gone from the adolescent I had once befriended to a lean, sleek looking creature. He was still rather small for a male, being no longer from snout to tail than I, and yet the drake seemed tremendously larger than myself. His scales were a ruddy red no more, instead being a beautiful shade of deep copper.
I regarded him with a cold glare, before asking, “What do you want with me?”
“The Provider wants everyone to come to the meeting grounds. I was instructed to spread the word.” He paused, eyes widening, “Dear Sephive, what happened to you?”
His stare traveled from the gash on my foreleg, which had painfully swollen over the past days, to my head wound.
“Myself.” I growled, flexing my claws.
A look of surprised shock crossed the drakes face, and he took a step back.
“Well,” I snapped, growing more and more annoyed with the drake, “Are we going to this meeting or not?”
Not waiting for an answer, I pushed past the drake and began to walk in the general direction of the of the meeting grounds. I hoped ever-so dearly that he would not follow, but I soon found the drake trotting alongside me.
“We could’ve flown…” He mumbled after an awkward silence.
I eyed him, seeing only the creature I had watched upon that summer day.
“Landing,” I growled, “Landing hurts my leg… makes the cut bleed.” Then, after a pause, “Do you have no other drakes to rouse?”
“No, you’re the only one over here… right?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well, I just thought--”
“You thought what?” I accused, stopping and giving a threatening glare.
“I thought…” He gulped, “I thought you had a mate… most drakes do…”
“Well you thought fucking wrong.” I snarled menacingly.
“It’s just that… Roaz told me that whenever she sees Celsko, you’re always there… I just thought that you and her where--”
“I don’t give a damn what your precious Roaz tells you.” I spat, picking up my pace once more.
The drakes jaw dropped in surprise. Yes, the audacity! The fucking audacity Nimbus has to address you like that, oh Veexer the terrible!
I left the shocked drake standing beneath the maple trees, the sun glinting off his copper scales. The drake was not Veexer. It was an impostor, impostor I say! Just another hypocritical grin scheming against me! It wore a mere mask the resembled my long gone friend, it did! The ugly fucking hypocrite!
---
“Friends, comrades…” The Provider began over that crowd's spasmodic noise, his voice possessing an air of kindness over its coldness.
He sat atop the large boulder in the center of the meeting grounds. Two Trilslet drakes stood proudly at the base of the great stone, with more of the large drakes forming a large circle around our leader, keeping the onlookers back. The morning air was heavy with moisture, causing my scales to itch and prompting premonitions of rain. The mountains above glared down upon me through an opaque veil of haze.
“Friends, comrades…” The drake began again, this time louder, colder, “As you all know, we are equal, we are one in the same. Our colony is a single being-- a single being made up of hundreds of individual drakes and dragonesses.” He paused, tail slowly raising then thumping back down against the hard granite. Raise, thump, raise, thump-- as if a constant, everlasting motion, as regular and periodic as winter and summer.
It was only then that I noticed something peculiar. Something subtle-- a mere trifle to the untrained eye-- yet something so queer and out of the ordinary unto me that it made me tense up suddenly. Cobalt, the high commander of the Trilslet, was absent. He who stood beside our dear leader was gone! I scanned all about the crowd and yet still, the midnight-blue drake I saw naught. When had I not seen the drake at a meeting? Never once could I remember.
“You see, dear friends,” The Provider churred excitedly, “in the night, I had a vision! Great Sephive himself came to me-- in a dream, he did! Yes, friends, Sephive came to me…”
All throughout the crowd sets of ears perked up with great vigor, mine included. Great Sephive, the drake who had all but abandoned the drake who loved him so, had chosen our dearest of leaders to speak to. Only the brightest drakes does our Sephive chooses to speak with. Only the greatest of leaders does he choose to come to.
“...And friends, Sephive spoke to me!” Our leader was now visibly excited, sitting back on his haunches with his silver, frill-tipped tail lashing two and fro behind him. “He told me that our colony shall prevail! That it shall prevail if we do but one simple act…” His voice suddenly grew much calmer, “He told me that, in order to prevail, we must be as pure of a species as possible.”
Three hundred-odd-some sets of ears strained in suspense-- waiting for the drake to continue.
“Now, as you all know, the great Sephive works in mysterious ways. But I believe his message is oh-so clear! I believe that our great Sephive-- much like I-- has seen the faults within this great colony. He has seen that we are are nothing of the once-great species that drove back he who tried to destroy our very existence-- Cortez the Wicked.”
A whelp, who stood, perched atop a boulder next to me, sucked in a sharp breath at the name of the tyrant who had slew our kind so.
“Yes, my fellow comrades, if Sephive was here would he not admonish us for our impureness? Our uncleanliness? I say of course! Of course the mighty drake would! It is through him that I have come to the conclusion that our species must become pure-- for the good of the colony! That is what his greatness would surely want, a pure species.” He sighed, looking down, “A species free of half-bred drakes. That is what our great Sephive would truly want, friends. A species of but the purest drakes.”
All was silent in the crowd. Above, a woodpecker jabbed at long-dead wood with its beak. A breeze rustled the trees. For some unknown reason, I thought about the strange little man, Louis Bekker, for a moment.
“...And I have decided that, for the good of the colony, we must stop this… this sheer insult to his Greatness.” The silver drake’s tail was now lashing, his voice, trembling with excitement, his wings, strained and tense-- as if ready to take flight. “Yes, my dear friends, my loving comrades, it has been far too long that we have ignored such problems!”
He suddenly leapt down from the boulder, with such grace he did.
Pacing about in front of us, the drake, voice at its most excited, tail lashing at its fastest, trilled, “And friends, do you want to know what our great leader wants us to do? Do you know what would truly be for the good of the colony? Great Sephive wants us to end the crossbreeding between drakes! Yes friends, was it not decreed that, in the beginning, there were only but the purest of breeds? The days when forest drakes were with forest drakes? When mountain drakes mated with mountain drakes? No, friends, it seems not that we have grown careless. We have become impure, we have! There is but one solution, and one solution only to such a problem-- We must put an end to crossbreeding!”
My eyes widened at this. End crossbreeding? How would one do th-
“And where better to start…” The Provider roared, preventing me from finishing my very thoughts, “Then to destroy the newest generation-- that that is yet unborn. Yes friends, crossbreeds are a disgrace and a threat unto our colony! As dangerous as traitors!”
From behind the boulder shriek suddenly rose up. It was shrill, feminine, and possessed such an animalistic fear to it that it sounded more akin to that of a cornered beast than a dragon.
A sky smile spread across The Provider’s face.
“Yes friends, I present to you, the final solution to our hardships! The final solution-- that which will allow our colony to prevail!”
It was then that a great brute of a drake appeared from behind the boulder. His powerful jaw, holding firm to the neck of a much smaller, bluish dragoness. A bluish dragoness that seemed oddly familiar.
“Eve!” A roar erupted from amidst the crowd. My brother’s maroon scales flashed in the sunlight as he charged forth towards his mate. Before he had made it within ten paces of her though, two Trilset drakes had thrown him to the ground, pinning the creature beneath their weight. Still he struggled, still he roared her name-- all of which in vain.
The Provider regarded him with a look similar to that that a mother might give to a misbehaving hatchling, but said nothing.
No, The Provider said nothing to my brother, nor to Eve, nor to the onlookers. He simply pawed over to the dragoness, who was sobbing and calling to her mate. Eve, the beautiful hypocrite I so despised, was shrieking and oh-so desperately trying to get to him. In that moment I felt something, something that rarely came to me. Sorrow.
Our leader nodded at the drake that held her, who dropped little Eve at his paws and stepped back. It was then and only then that I noticed something that made me gasp. Something that, when I had spoken to (screamed at!) the dragoness nary more than a week ago. Eve was carrying a clutch of eggs. As I saw her egg-heavy underbelly something clicked in my mind, and the veil was cast down.
I felt as if I was going to vomit. And, a second later, when our (horrid, egg crushing, tyrannical leader’s?) dearest of leader’s tail whipped around and slammed into Eve’s soft underbelly, and I heard her shriek in pain, and Selkut roar in rage, and the sickening sound of ribs cracking, and the burning sensation of bile in my throat, I felt not the hatred for her I had felt for oh-so long. No, that hatred went elsewhere, having been replaced with a sorrow and a sadness that brought a tear to my eye. Young Eve doesn't deserve to be hated.
“You see, my friends,” The Provider roared at us, “You see what we must do! For the good of the colony! For the good of dragon-kind itself!”
Eve’s cry had been reduced to a slow, wheezing sob of pain. No, not pain, I thought as I felt a single tear run down my cheek to one of the small spikes that adorn my jawline, where it would hang, suspended in a strange peace for a moment, before falling into the grass. Eve’s cries were not of physical pain, but rather a sheer, heart-wrought pain that only a mother can feel at the death of her own whelps. Eve’s eggs, something that most precious to every female, were gone. Robbed they were, smashed within her by the very leader that said he loved us.
No, Eve, creature of my torment, you do not deserve to be hated. Whelp killing, malign, tyrannical leaders are but the sub-beings that deserve my seething hate.
They are but the creatures that deserve death.
~Post Chapter Notes~
Well, there's an explanation for why this chapter took waaayyy longer than it should have. I'm going to make it clear, originally when I wrote this one I crossed the line. You see, there are certain things even I think are too violent and disturbing to write about. Killing a baby dragon in a very violent way is included in the list of the few things I don't feel comfortable writing about. So, I went back in and got rid of some stuff, bringing the chapter down to a level I felt comfortable with.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Blah, blah, blah, I’m here to review, blah, blah, blah, let’s save us all some time and get this review rolling shall we?
I really cannot say I have met a character such as Nimbus. Indeed I have seen characters with small traits similar to Nimbus but he is just so strange that at times I cannot help but have strange feelings towards him. Before I actually called him a ‘bad boy’, I take that all back. Nimbus has no title nor does he fit into some kind of archetype. He is just pure complexity wrapped into one character: Nimbus. He is the definition of a complex character. At times I hate him, other times I adore him and then there are times were I just want to tell him ‘everything will be fine.’ With just a few short chapters you’ve been able to do what many writers struggle with. I remember you saying that you haven’t been writing fiction for very long. I can’t believe that sometimes. You write as if you do this for a living. You should be proud of this character you’ve been able to create. He is something which almost no one has ever seen before. He might not be the most relatable character in the world but he is definitely one of the most fleshed out characters. Nimbus alone is one of the reasons I keep reading this story.
I really like how in a way you’ve made The Provider seem like Stalin in a sense. He himself used the word ‘comrades’ an awful lot much like how The Provider does. The way he talks is also a lot like how the most evil man ever spoke (Hitler). He was a smart man who was known for his epic speeches. It reminded me an awful lot like The Provider.
You used the word ‘that’ twice when I believe you meant ‘of’.
I really liked how subtle – in a way – you described this scene. It couldn’t have been easy. I myself have actually written a chapter where some like this happens. It really pushes boundaries into what readers can handle. You’ve achieved this pretty well. You wrote it in such a way that many readers will continue the chapter behind their fingers.
This has been one of my favorite chapters. I liked how The Provider addresses the colony and how ruthless he seemingly is. I long for more.
Thanks! I'm glad you noticed the similarities between The Provider and Stalin, I definitely have Hitler and Stalin in mind when I write his character. I find figures from history can certainly help create characters in fiction.
Hi again!
This is really such an original, unique, clever (forgive the redundancy) storyline that it's a bit mind-blowing. I've certainly never read anything quite like it, and that's saying something.
Your pacing is perfect, as per usual. I love that this chapter showed a more softer, sympathetic side to Nimbus. The killing of Eve's eggs was written quite well, not too graphic or disturbing but enough to give readers a good chill. Very nice.
Your descriptions in this were beyond lovely. They were fantastic, to put it simply. Like this:
My God, do you have any idea how amazing that is? You paint a clear image and feel in the reader's mind effortlessly, seamlessly, and your choice of wording is utterly spot-on. Just delicious.
So, great imagery. Great character development. Great plot twists and turns. Great pacing. There's a lot of greatness in this chapter and novel, basically.
Dumb nitpicks:
That Y should be lowercase.
That A should be lowercase. I explained a lot of the capitalize-this-don't-capitalize-that rules in my review of your last chapter. I have a headache now and really don't want to deal with explaining it all again, so just look at my last review for explanations/examples, 'kay?
H should be lowercase.
Switch out the comma following "growled" to a period.
Same issue as the above. The comma after "gulped" should be a period.
I think you meant "were"?
I think you meant "that"?
T in "the" should be lowercase.
This is a common mistake. Over time, the expression "one and the same" has gotten mangled into "one in the same." The latter is definitely incorrect. Just switch out the "in" for "and."
W should be lowercase. Whenever you put hyphens/dashes, the thought that follows them shouldn't begin with a capitalized letter. Because the dashes aren't periods/question marks/exclamation points.
T in "then" should be lowercase.
"Something that" what? You don't seem to finish the thought. You go off into the little "when I had spoken to..." thing and then never return to what your point was. It's confusing.
Okay! Done with nitpicks. Breathe easier.
I totally understand what you mean. I think it's good you brought it back down, especially since you're posting this story here and you never know how young someone is that might read it (despite the rating). I'm writing a story right now that crosses every line I have, and therefore will not be posting it here. Crossing lines can be good to expand our writing skills, but they can also be difficult and disturbing pains in the neck... >_<
Anyway. This novel is progressing beautifully. Everything flows together super well, your wording is superb, and your details/descriptions are just enough in ratio to dialogue. Everything you should be doing, you are doing. Wonderful work.
Keep it up!
Once again, thank you for another awesome review! I'm so glad you're enjoying my story, I can not express how grateful I am!
Noooo! How could you! Eve's eggs, they are gone, gone!
Ok, now that I got that out of the way, let's review!
Let's start with the nitpicks.
The only one I saw was
- Ok, since 's either means possession or is, or has, I am pretty sure it should be leaders
Ok, past the nitpicks. How dare the leader crush Eve's eggs! I don't care if they are half-breeds, baby dragon killers are evil and should be killed! Evil, hatchling killing **.
I'm curious, what will happen to Celsko? Since in the last chapter they are sending for her and then in this one they announce that half breeds are to be killed, Celsko is probably on that kill list. Will Nimbus attack the leader and help Celsko escape, possibly go to the humans (you don't have someone just there,there is a purpose for everyone in a story) or are they going to kill Celsko, have Nimbus in a flying rage, and then the humans somehow get brought into the story?
I wonder how violent you wrote when killing baby dragons. What did you do? Originally rip open Eve's stomach, take out the eggs, and then kill them? You have to admit, it's hard to get worst than that.
Well, we have an old friend back. I'll keep reading!
-lost
Thank you for the review! In good time you'll see what has become of Celsko, for I have a clear view of where I want to take the book.
And trust me, you have no clue what levels of violence I am capable of writing about. In short, originally it was not going to be her eggs, but rather three hatchlings that got killed in front of everyone. Yeah, only as I was writing about the little creatures screaming for their mother as they were killed one by one did I say to myself "Okay, crossed the line."