Wages: Chapter Two

by Cirute

Published January 4, 2014

18+ Language Violence Mature Content

In Wages

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Chapter Two: Louis, Collin, and Mike

“Yesterday, at 10:47 AM, May twelfth, 1974, three men walked into the Bank Of New York on fifty-first street in Manhattan. They were in the bank for seven minutes, killed three people, and made off with roughly half a million dollars. While exiting the building an off duty police officer attempted to stop the brigands. The men cut him down in the street.

“Police have issued a statement urging anyone with any information about the robbery to come forward…” the radio droned on monotonously.

“Can you turn that shit off!” Micky ‘just call me Mike’ Royce yelled angrily from the back seat of the van.

“Goddamit Mike, we need to hear this shit! Gotta know where the cops are searchin’!” Collin Debois muttered from the drivers seat. Still, he reached over and switched the radio to a channel that was blasting The Ramones. "Damn, we really made the news! We're bigger than that disease that's killin' those queers out in California!"

“Well if you had’nt killed those people and that cop maybe we wouldn’t be here! By the way, where the fuck are we?” Louis Bekker said over the music, resting his feet on the dashboard. Louis just wished he back in his dorm room at NYU, he wished he had never agreed to try to rob the bank. Fuck, he wished he had never even met the other two men in the fraternity. And yet here he was, a twenty-year-old murderer and fugitive sitting in a van that was speeding up I-93.

“We’re in New Hampshire-- and that fucking pig was asking for it!” Collin growled, flicking his cigarette out the window.

“New Hampshire?! Why the fuck are we in New Hampshire? We should be on our way to Mexico!” said Mike, the distress in his voice quite apparent.

“They’d catch us before we got to Mexico.” Collin muttered, lighting another cigarette. “See, after lake Winnipesaukee New Hampshire ends. There’s a giant swath of land that stretches from Maine to the Adirondacks and all the way up to the Hudson Bay. It’s some huge nature preserve or something-- ain’t even America! No one lives there either, ‘cause people aren't allowed to even enter the place. We go there and they’ll never find us, cause even the fucking army isn’t allowed in there! Trust me, this is way better than Mexico.”

Louis looked at his former schoolmate and current partner in crime questioningly. He didn’t know what to think of this proposition in the least. Yes, he knew of the place, but never had he been anywhere near it or knew what lay beyond it’s border. Though he would rather enter unknown lands than be caught, or worse yet, shot down by the suit of the law.

“Do you know what’s in there?” a disgruntled Mike questioned.

“Nah, man, nobody does!” Collin paused, “But we’re sure as hell gonna find out! Here’s what we’ll do, we hike in there, camp out for the summer, and by the time we come back the pigs woulda stopped lookin’ for us all together!”

“That’s a fuckin’ stupid idea!” Louis challenged, sitting up, “How the hell are we gonna live there for an entire fucking summer?”

“Easy,” replied Collin, “We buy some supplies and shit! How hard could it be livin’ in the wild for a summer? I know how to hunt, and we got the guns!”

“Like hell you do!” Louis retorted.

“Oi, I was in the fuckin’ Chinese war, man! We had to march through the Himalaya’s to fight those yellow communist fucks!” Collin drummed his hands nervously on the steering wheel. “If only Oswalt had missed,” he added, quietly, “Kennedy woulda never sent us over there! That fuck Johnson oughta been lobotomized!”

---

Louis walked up the aisle slowly, trying to remain as calm and inconspicuous as possible. He had good reason to, for upon entering the small general store he had seen a flier with an artist’s rendition of his face staring back at him. The flier read “Wanted: NYC robber and murderer!” in large, red letters.

It felt strange seeing himself on one of those posters. He didn’t look at himself as a cold-blooded killer. Hell no! He was Louis Bekker, a nice college student from New York, not some murderer!

But you did kill that woman in the bank!

The cunt was asking for it! He told her to be quiet! He told her that if she shut up nobody would get hurt! It was Collin’s fault, really. Collin shot the clerk and that set the woman off. She tried to attack him! What choice did he have?

Could’ve just hit her!

Yes, indeed he could’ve, but he didn’t. He shot the cunt right between the eyes. Even as he pulled the trigger he knew he was making a mistake, and yet even that didn’t stop him. Ruthlessness was needed to survive.

And if you get caught?!

From what he figured, if they caught him he would spend the rest of his life behind bars. Collin most likely would get the death penalty, price you gotta pay when you kill a cop. Mike had killed no one, for Mike was the safe cracker. Louis had killed the woman and Collin killed the clerk, the security guard, and the cop. If Mike was lucky he might get twenty years or so. Not bad.

Louis grimaced at the thoughts. He was going to college to be a lawyer, and he knew the legal system all too well. He knew he would stand no chance against the courts, he knew his fate if he was to get apprehended by the law.

But they wouldn’t get caught! That is, if Collin’s plan went accordingly. Yes, his entire life rested in the hands of some frat boy he had met at NYU! Lovely.

With sweaty palms and a nauseous feeling in the pit of his stomach, Louis approached the checkout.

“Going camping?” the young woman behind the counter inquired with a coy smile upon noticing all the supplies he was purchasing.

“You could say that, yes.” Louis replied, trying his best to disguise his New York accent. It certainly looked like he was going on an expedition of one sort or another; he had bought a large hunting knife, a hatchet, lighter fluid, a large sheet of canvas, and other various odds and ends, the likes of which he paid for with money from a bank in New York.

“Oh, one more thing!” the cashier said quickly, just as he turned to leave, “Do take a flier, I really hope they catch these pigs!”

She handed him a flier, luckily not of him, but of Collin.

Again he put on a faux smile.

“As do I.”

Arms filled with cumbersome supplies, Louis walked quickly along the sidewalk under the warm, May sun. The same sun that, thirty miles to the north, a storyteller was being tried under.

Quite pretty, both the girl and the town! thought he as he made his way to the van. Indeed, the town was very quaint and idyllic; a classic New England town in the lakes region it was.

He rounded a large, abandoned mill building to where the van was parked. Collin, kneeling at the front of it, seemed to be working on something.

“Shit, don’t tell me we got engine problems!” Louis called.

Collin stood up and stretched, his knees popping like firecrackers.

“Nah, man, just changin’ the plates.” He stepped back to reveal his handiwork. Gone were the New York plates, having been replaced with New Hampshire ones.

“How did you get those?” Louis said after taking a closer look.

“Stole em’ from the high school parking lot.” Collin proclaimed proudly, leaning against the hood.

“Hmm... we should get goin’, I got the supplies. Where’s Mike?”

“Over there, starin’ at Beverly Johnson’s tits.” he cocked his thumb to where Mike sat on a pile of rubble flipping through a Playboy magazine nonchalantly, then slapped the hood of the van and called to him.

“Oi, fatass, time to go!”

In ten minutes time they had loaded the van with supplies and were off. More time, thought Louis, than it took to rob a bank.

~Post Chapter Notes~

So... Louis, Collin, and Mike aren't exactly the nicest characters. I kinda based their characters off of people I know.

You may notice something about a "Chinese War" in there. It's alternate history, so I can do whatever the hell I want!

Also, this may have the most F-bombs dropped out of anything I've ever written. That, along with the violence, prolific use of the word 'cunt', and Collin's subtle racist remarks is why I think this earns it's 18+ rating quite well.

If you haven't read the previous chapter, GO DO IT!! I know, I know, the first chapter is about dragons and whatnot, but stay tuned....

~Cirute 2013 2014

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Niraco
Review
Niraco wrote a review Review · May 14, 2014

Let’s skip with the introduction…I’m here to review and blah blah blah. Let’s just dive right in.

“Yesterday, at 10:47 AM, May twelfth, 1974, three men walked into the Bank Of New York on fifty-first street in Manhattan. They were in the bank for seven minutes, killed three people, and made off with roughly half a million dollars. While exiting the building an off duty police officer attempted to stop the brigands. The men cut him down in the street.
“Police have issued a statement urging anyone with any information about the robbery to come forward…” the radio droned on monotonously.

I’ll admit I wondered if I was reading the right story at first. I was rather disappointed. I liked how humans seemed more like a mythical creature and that the dragons were dominant in a way. Then I read this opening and I felt a little let down.
“Can you turn that shit off!” Micky ‘just call me Mike’ Royce yelled angrily from the back seat of the van.

Your humour is definitely one of your biggest strengths. This part had me giggling like a little girl. Add more of that sarcastic humour; it will add a refreshing lift to your story.
“Oi, I was in the fuckin’ Chinese war, man! We had to march through the Himalaya’s to fight those yellow communist fucks!” Collin drummed his hands nervously on the steering wheel. “If only Oswalt had missed,” he added, quietly, “Kennedy woulda never sent us over there! That fuck Johnson oughta been lobotomized!”

I’d like to talk about your humour again. Before I saw you as being a rather snide and sarcastic writer which is good, that type of humour is some of the best and my own personal favourite. The type of humour (or what I like to call then ‘I-really-shouldn’t-be-laughing-at-this-humour) is what I think you’re actually better at. You seem to be pushing the edge a little, which is what I like to see.
It felt strange seeing himself on one of those posters. He didn’t look at himself as a cold-blooded killer. Hell no! He was Louis Bekker, a nice college student from New York, not some murderer!

I’m actually very interested in this character. Why is he involved with such bad people? If he doesn’t seem himself as bad then why do bad things. Those are the few questions which popped into my head as I first read this paragraph. You’ve wrote this character really well. The other two characters, however, feel a lot weaker. They seem like your stereotypical brutes. I’ve noticed this with your other chapter. While you are a solid writer you characters could use a little work. They seem almost like cardboard cut outs of characters I’ve seen a thousand times over. With few characters actually seeming well...human. If that makes any kind of sense.
But you did kill that woman in the bank!
The cunt was asking for it! He told her to be quiet! He told her that if she shut up nobody would get hurt! It was Collin’s fault, really. Collin shot the clerk and that set the woman off. She tried to attack him! What choice did he have?
Could’ve just hit her!
Yes, indeed he could’ve, but he didn’t. He shot the cunt right between the eyes. Even as he pulled the trigger he knew he was making a mistake, and yet even that didn’t stop him. Ruthlessness was needed to survive.
And if you get caught?!
From what he figured, if they caught him he would spend the rest of his life behind bars. Collin most likely would get the death penalty, price you gotta pay when you kill a cop. Mike had killed no one, for Mike was the safe cracker. Louis had killed the woman and Collin killed the clerk, the security guard, and the cop. If Mike was lucky he might get twenty years or so. Not bad.

I liked this back and forth thing your character had here. Again he is a very strong character and the more I read about him the more interested I am about him.
And on that note I’m leaving this review. Again another solid piece. However, I felt that your opening chapter was so much better and this was almost pale in compassion. At the same time it was a very enjoyable piece nevertheless.

Cirute replied · May 14, 2014

Thanks for another review! About the characters, well, what can I say? I like to reveal things over time. Some of the characters that seem wooden and calloused at the beginning actually turn out to be rather dynamic. I made them like that intentionally. Collin and Mike, for example, are killers and thieves, naturally they would not be the most open people. In later chapters you'll find out more about them, for now Louis is the main focus. Thanks again for the reviews, they're really helping me!

Random avatar
deleted30
Review
deleted30 wrote a review Review · Jan 22, 2014

Hiya Cirute! Sorry this review is rather late. I've been meaning to read this chapter but something always got in the way. >.<

So, first of all, let me say this was awesome. There're so many things I like about this, but one thing I especially admire is the fact that (as you noted) this story has a ton of... um, unsavory language (my, don't I sound like a grandmother?), yet you used it expertly so that it never feels unnecessary to the point where it gets tiresome and glaring.

Instead, the language is used to highlight these characters' personalities and thoughts. Does that make sense? Probably not.

I guess what I'm trying (and failing) to say is that when stories like these are laced with this type of profanity, it can begin to feel irritating, like the writer just gets a kick out of randomly dropping F-bombs. But what you managed to do is make it seem very natural and not forced at all.

The pacing was good. You had me intrigued as I read the whole time, rather than growing bored at some point or other. It was exciting and devious and utterly fascinating all at once.

The fact that these characters are less-than-likable was also very cool. Coming from someone that's been scolded for not have "likable enough" characters, I found it very awesome to read a story where the three main guys featured in the chapter were not all sweet and funny and abnormally perfect. It was refreshing.

Okay, now that most of the good stuff is out of the way, let's get straight to the nitpicks.

He didn’t look at himself as a cold-blooded killer!


Maybe it's just me, but I personally felt the exclamation point at the end wasn't really necessary.

The same sun, that, thirty miles to the north, a storyteller was being tried under.


Take out the comma after "sun."

Quite pretty, both the girl and the town! Thought he


The T in "thought" really doesn't need to be capitalized, regardless of the exclamation point at the end of "town."

That's really all I found. Overall, this piece was exhilarating and realistic and pretty much just amazing. Please forgive my rabid-fangirl gushing. ;)

I'll stop now before I bore you further. Great work and keep writing!

Cirute replied · Jan 22, 2014

Thank you so much for all of your reviews! You're like my personal editor!

Heehee no problem. ;)

User avatar
Deadman
Review
Deadman wrote a review Review · Jan 21, 2014

Hi there! Oh my God I'm loving this story. (Guilty, I haven't read the first chapter yet, but I will!) This is so interesting, the language you are using makes it seem like it is real. When writing something like this, it's hard to imagine this kind of people censoring their language. So, the fact that you didn't do that makes it all the more realistic. Time to jump into the review now.

First off, I was very impressed by the whole thing. However, I always have a few nitpicks.

"They were in the bank for seven minutes, killed three people, and made off with roughly half a million of the people of New York’s hard earned dollars." It flows so strangely! Especially this, "made off with roughly half a million of the people of New York’s hard earned dollars." I personally would drop out this part, "of the people of New York’s hard earned" I understand what you were going for, but it just makes everything flow really weird.

“Well if you had’nt killed" Should be hadn't.

"Louis just wished he back in his dorm room at NYU" Whoops looks like you dropped a word in there. It should be. "Louis just wished he was back in his dorm room at NYU" A single word can ruing everything!

"“Oi, I was in the fuckin’ Chinese war, man!" THis might be answered if I read the first chapter, but he was in the Chinese war, and he is attending college and is part of a frat house? How old is he? Again, this could be because I haven't read the first chapter.


Well that's all I found, but wow it was a great story. I will go back and read the first one. and the next three now. I can't wait to read them! Until next time, happy writing.


Cheers,


Deadman XD

Cirute replied · Jan 22, 2014

Thanks for the review! I'll get to fixing those issues right away. Also, don't be too surprised if you find the first chapter to be a little... different.

Read, and I'm understanding what is going on now. :)



The world is your oyster. Well, it’s my oyster, but you can have some of it.
— Feltrix