You stand above me,
Tall and strong.
My limbs are hanging, useless.
You laugh with malice
Then you pull a string,
And watch me dance for you.
You drop my strings,
My body hangs limp,
The pain is never ending.
You pull again,
And watch me jump.
Will this go on forever?
My strings can't hold
You tug them so harshly.
I feel them weaken,
They loosen and stretch.
Snap!
They break, you narrow your eyes,
My body falls to the floor.
My strings have broken,
And now I am dead
For I was a marionette.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,216 Literary Works • 672,511 Reviews
Hello Gravity! Wolf here for a review.
First off, I want to say that you pulled off the short-clipped feeling really well. Almost a little too well, if I might be so bold. I understand why you gave it that feel, but I still think th poem could benefit from a slightly smoother feel. Because while a puppets movements are usually jerky, that's not always true. Plus with a little less clip it would be easier to um... feel? Something about the clipped-ness makes it feel like each like is separate from everything else. Alternatively, you could put a rhyme to it and that would tie it together well, without changing the flow.
I liked your imagery. You gave me a clear image of this little doll hanging from strings held by some sinister-looking human.
Personally, I'd enjoy it more if there was more about how the marionette felt. You hint at dread. But that's about it. What else? Is she angry with the human pulling her strings? Or does she understand that he doesn't realize he's hurting her? Does she enjoy these dances sometimes? Or does she always hate them? Does she regret them?
I loved the ending! It was beautifully worded. Great job!
But I do disagree with IamaHuman. The entire poem is written in present-tense, so now you die so all of a sudden you switch to past-tense? I think the poem should be in either one or the other. Personally I think that "For I am a marionette" is just fine, even though she just died. The sudden change in tense just kinda threw me off.
Wonderful work here Gravity! It was quite beautiful and had a wonderful theme. Keep writing!
~WW
I see what you're talking about, but ultimately the rhythm is a stylistic choice and I think I'll keep it as well as the tense switch. I think the switch at the end makes more sense because the marionette is now dead, she isn't a puppet anymore. Thanks for he review, I really appreciate it
Hey there! How are you, today? Purple here to give you a review! Let's get started
Just one word for this, wow! This has definitely been one of the best poems I've seen in a while. It shows perfectly the emotions of a person being used by another, and that's probably something everyone can relate to. There was so much depth and imagery, I just loved this.
The only thing I would ever consider changing is the line "My limbs are hanging, useless" to "My limbs are uselessly hanging" but it's not a huge problem. My brain just stopped to read that line a few times and was kind of stuck on it. Anyway this is wonderful and I'll be looking forward to your next pieces of work! Keep it up!
~Purple
thanks
This sounds like a song!!!
I totally read this like a song... sorry
I like it a lot... the only thing is at the end... if the marionette is dead wouldn't it be, "For I WAS a marionette?"
Just a question. I am not certain....
Anyway I did really enjoy this
thanks
No problem Glad to help