With the wind pushing against her body, creating a force to keep her from falling over, she leans over the side of the cliff. “Be careful!” her brother calls from behind her. She throws her arms out and leans further, closing her eyes. Something overcomes her body, something daring and desperate, and her eyes fly open.
The view is incredible.
She doesn’t quite understand what she feels. The breeze, the cushion against sure death, is granting her powers. She feels unstoppable. She feels invincible. There’s a sound below her with still waters, the surface only broken by small islands barely large enough to fit a house. Everything is green and fresh around her, so unlike the terrain they had to travel through to get here.
Her brother finally catches up to her, slumped forward with his hands on his knees. The hike is worth seeing everything at the top. The sound turns into a river far off in the distance, and even further it turns into the ocean. But, with it being so early in the morning, fog covers the mountains and the great big blue like a white, gauzy shroud.
Directly beneath them is sheer rock, a two-thousand-foot drop to icy water.
“This is incredible,” her brother whispers in awe. She gestures for him to join her and he steps hesitantly to the edge of the cliff. The wind invites him in, holding him in place so he won’t fall over. The expression on his face is one of pure bliss, one that breaks her heart.
“How much longer til the sun rises?” she asks, leaning forward again with her eyes wide open. She doesn’t want to miss a single moment of this experience. Her brother sighs into the wind.
“Like half an hour,” he answers, “It’s probably going to look amazing over this landscape.”
“I’m so glad I’m here,” she says. His composure breaks and he turns his head to look at his sister. She knows that what she just said could have a double meaning, and she hopes he understood it.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” he whispers so quietly, the wind has to carry the words to her ears.
They spend another few minutes enjoying the blowing force of the breeze on their bodies, exhilarated by the danger and the complete delivery of their lives to nature. They’ve handed over control of their existence to the air and it feels even more liberating than checking out of a hospital room.
“Hey, I bet the sunrise will make for some amazing pictures,” she says. Her brother smiles. “Do you think you could walk over to that hill and take a picture of me as the sun goes up?” He looks back to the hill she pointed out.
“Do you just want me to take the picture with you here and the sun in the back?” he asks.
“Yeah,” she answers, “It’ll probably look amazing.”
“Alright, I’ll go over there just before the sun starts to rise.” They smile at each other, then turn back to look at the world laid out in front of them.
A flock of birds flies over their heads and she gets the feeling they aren’t flying so much as they are letting the wind carry them where they need to be. She thinks about the picture her brother is going to take of her in less than ten minutes. It’ll be the most beautiful photograph he’s ever taken, she’s sure of it. And he’ll have it in a gallery along with all of his other photographs, finally getting the recognition he deserves.
“I feel like I’m finally alive,” she whispers, then she feels her brother’s hand slipping into hers. She closes her eyes and smiles to herself, a few tears escaping her eyes before she can help it.
“The sun’s coming up in a few,” her brother says. His hand leaves hers and he turns to leave. Just before he’s out of earshot, she calls to him. When he turns, she smiles wide, giddy, happy, excited.
“The urge to jump,” she yells, “Does not mean you want to die!” He stops in his tracks. It was one of the last things he said to her before the incident. “This cliff is more powerful than me!” she yells, a giant smile on her face, “But I am more powerful in my choices!” She’s breathing hard, her chest heaving, smile still plastered on her face. He realizes then what she means. He smiles back.
“I love you!” he yells, walking backwards so he can continue speaking to her. She throws her arms up over her head and laughs.
“I know!” she yells back. And then he’s at the hill, pointing his camera at her.
The sun is a moment from rising over the mountains off in the west and he takes a photograph, then another and another. Every passing second, the bright orange glow of the morning star grows and spreads over the horizon like an ink spill on cream-colored parchment. She leans into the wind and laughs and he takes a picture.
The sun is behind her and she’s a black silhouette, hair flying, arms out, completely alive and he takes a final snapshot. He straightens out, smiling so wide it’s painful. He can feel the hard beating of his heart. He can feel the rush of the blood in his veins. He can feel every nerve in his body come alive.
When his sister turns to look at him, she puts both hands to her mouth and sends him a dramatic kiss. He laughs, then she swivels around and leans into the wind. His heart jolts for a moment at how daring and careless she’s being. Then he watches as her legs unmistakably push off the ground and she falls backwards, arms out, legs straight, head facing the heavens and eyes wide open. His hand clutching the camera, he hears a shutter as his sister falls two-thousand feet over the cliff and into the still sound.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hi,Pony123 here to review!
WOW! Is about all I have to say. The ending made me shudder. Which is good. All the imagery is amazing. Which is good. Everything was so good... I can't think of any criticism. I guess at the end you should add his feelings as she goes over the cliff.
Otherwise, great job!!!
Pony123
Excellent piece. Your use of description to create a beautiful, serene and melancholic mood is superb. I particularly like: "...fog covers the mountains and the great big blue like a white, gauzy shroud." - although I don't think you needed to write anything preceding that in the sentence, I mean the 'but'.
Your dialogue is great, flitting in and out of the descriptions very naturally. I don't know if it is just me who found this, but there seems to be a kind of actual romance between the brother and sister. That might not be intended at all, but that just seems to be how I read it.
The story has unanswered questions - like it should - and a great ending that, while you slightly see coming, is also powerful.
I can't think of any criticisms. Well done.
Okay, so...seriously feel like I'm taking happy pills while reading this.
I read it while listening to beautiful classical music by the PianoGuys.
You did a really good job in making her feel careless and blissful and him feeling slightly the same way but kind of responsible.
I would have to say the only problem I have with this piece is the lack of concrete nouns, I want feel like I'm there just a little bit more. I guess you can say that you didn't put any in to make it more spiritual feeling. I would have still liked more physicality all the same.
“I know!” she yells back. And then he’s at the hill, pointing his camera at her.
I think you should fix it how it says "and then he's at the hill" you could have just put "He stands there at the hill" or "he's now at the hill"
This line was honestly the only thing that bugged me.
I also want to feel a little more like they have characters, just a little.
Thanks so much for this inspiring piece! I felt it (too much actually) and I love how you made it a brother and sister relationship! I love how you mention the breaking out of the hospital instead of making it ridiculously obvious. Truly a blissful read!!!
Thanks so much for this beautiful piece of art!!
--Pokit
Thank you for your suggestions!
I loved this so much. The end was sort of surreal- I felt as shocked as the boy taking the photograph. Absolutely beautiful. Your writing style is gorgeous. I'm the same as @Carina feel free to PM me/ post on my wall if you've written something new. I love your work
Thank you! I'll be sure to keep you in mind when I write something new!
I look forward to it!
truly heart-breaking, but their's so many things left unsaid. Are you writing a sequel?
I didn't really think to write a sequel. And yes, there are so many things the reader doesn't know or understand, but I think I want that air of mystery for this piece. But I also think I could continue this. Maybe a sequel will be in the future, but for right now, this is all there is.
I like this, especially because the characters motives aren't so clear. I like the way you described the mountain!!! I LOVE hiking and I have been to a place, like you described in your story.
There is something about flying, and how it feels freeing to imagine, and how you used the wind. I love the sunrise!! I like this story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I can't wait to read more!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you!
This isn't really a review, but I just thought I'd say that I love your writing style. This is a beautiful and bittersweet piece, and I'd love to read more of your work. Please feel free to PM me or post on my wall every time you post something new.
Thank you so much! I'm glad I can go to you with my writing
Hey there dianneee!
This was a very beautiful yet sad story! You really got me attached to the characters in it which can be quite hard in short stories due to their... shortness. You did very well to not make them 2d characters. Well done!!
You also had some very powerful description in it too! My favourite paragraph was:
I know this feeling and you told it in words extremely well!
I thought the ending was going to be due to one of the characters being depressed so I didn't expect the girl to jump. Very nice twist ending!
I don't like to review grammar in stories so I couldn't find much else wrong! I really loved reading this though and I love your style!
Thank you Alexsushidog!
Hi Dianneece!
Thank you for this reading experience!
The title and the description were so interesting, I just had to click on it! I'll quote a few bits and say what I think of them, and then I'll say something more general.
"Everything is green and fresh around her, so unlike the terrain they had to travel through to get here."
I was wondering - wouldn't the terrain they travelled through still be behind them, and therefore also sort of around her? I don't know, but maybe it would make more sense to go "green and fresh below her".
"But, with it being so early in the morning, fog covers the mountains... "
This seemed a bit jarring and wordy - would it be possible to have something like "But an early morning fog covers the mountains..." I don't know how well it would fit with the preceding sentence, though. Have a think about it!
"so quietly, the wind has to carry the words to her ears."
This is beautiful!
"“The urge to jump,” she yells, “Does not mean you want to die!”"
I really love this line. I can so imagine her having to yell it through the wind on the edge of the cliff. It could be line in a film! I think "does" should be uncapitalised, though.
This is a good story, because it kept me hooked throughout and wondering "Will she, won't she?" I was sure it would end with one of them jumping/falling off the cliff, so I thought the current title is perhaps too revealing. However, as I got to the end, I wasn't sure whether she fell accidentally or jumped. Sending her brother further away to take a picture seems like she wanted him to be unable to stop her from falling, and also that she had a strong interest in the symbolic "last photo". However, the way you've written leaves it ambiguous, and I like that. It's a chilling story, and I think you did a great job. Would the ending be even more powerful if you left it just before the fall, making it unclear whether she fell or not? You know, like in Inception with the spinning top? Like a... wait for it... cliffhanger?
Seriously though, that might or not be something to consider, you decide that.
Demeter x
Thank you! And I understand what you mean by the terrain, but have you ever been traveling through a desert and then you turn the corner and suddenly, BAM, it's the most beautiful scenery you've ever seen in your life? And thank you for pointing out my rambling and wordiness, I tend to do that when I'm caught up in a story. I'll consider the ending you suggested, too. Thanks again for the review!