Young Writers Society

Hi there Blimey,

First I would like to welcome you to YWS. I hope this place will become as much of a home for you as it for me.

I’m trying to write 125 reviews with 400 plus words by the end of the year. Here is review #2 .

I rarely write rhyming poetry because I can’t do it properly. I feel like there is a lot of pressure to get the schemes and structure of verses right. So I must applaud you on just being brave enough to try. You have done a beautiful job.

There are just a few places where I feel that when it is read aloud your poem does not flow quite right.

The first two verses are good. Each line is of similar length, if not the second and fourth stanzas slightly longer than the first and third. This creates a natural flow within the stanzas.

However the third verse completely throws me.

“I sincerely wish that a blink of an eye
Would only bring good,
Without even one sigh
Which can't be misunderstood.”

The pattern suddenly becomes long, short, short, long. In fact the first line, in terms of syllables, is the same length as the second and third lines combined. This is unusual and interrupts the flow the stanza. It alienates the final line which feels completely unnecessary and like it should not even be included. Also, in my opinion the use of even in

“Without even one sigh”

Sounds like you only added it to get a long enough line. In this context even is being used for emphasis. It would be more convincing perhaps if you said instead “Without a single sigh”.

To be completely honest, I would recommend you completely scrap this verse because it detracts the beauty of the rest of your poem. Try communicating the idea of this verse in a completely fresh way. The rhyming doesn’t work and you shouldn’t be compromising rhyme for flow.

One other thing, about the last stanza. Did you mean “or is it a time to cope” because currently it doesn’t make sense.

I hope I haven’t been harsh because other than that I love the poem. Its idea is fresh, harnessing an old cliché (in the blink of an eye) and analysing it from a new perspective. A little work and the whole can be done full justice.

Keep up the writing and Merry Christmas
Veni

I love this, really puts it into perspective for me how much can happen and change in the blink of and eye. It also puts the question in my head will something good or will something bad happen next time I blink my eye Really enjoyed this one, had a great affect on me

Hi lime! I'm here to review your poem.

Well I saw no spelling mistakes. That is good since spelling is a common nitpick in all poems. I saw that the person below said that it was too long. For me it looks just right. If it were any shorter it might not make any sense! It has a smooth rhythm and it rhymes just right. Great job!

~lost

I liked this poem. You made it all ryhme and flow very well.
I didn't see any spelling mistakes. Which is good.
For me, the first couple stanzas explained it all. After that, I got kind of bored because it seemed like the poem was repeating itself. You might want to shorten it.
At the end you tied it all together pretty well. So in the end I thought it was a ll kind of resolved, and the length seemed fine.
The actual aspect of the poem is nice,too.
Thanks for the read,
herby