Young Writers Society

I know I have posted loads resently and I shall stop I just found this one on my comp I wrote it yonks ago just wondered what you thought of it sorry I will stop posting my stuff!!!

Today is the past,
Tomorrow is our forgotten,
How we long for it all to last,
My heart so rotten.

Fairytales are eroding my mind,
Bleeding speeches become my bible,
Together we are bind,
Biblical words of the unable.

Sing for this freedom,
Your sickening smile killing me,
Sing for your kingdom,
Your righteous rhyme.

Play upon my heart,
The notes we swore as our love,
Take me to your start,
There we can solve.

Bored carvings upon my arms,
You always had to be better than me,
In my denial I will burn every face of you,
Your eyes my leading light.

I am what you shouldn’t love,
I am the problem,
So take my heart tonight,
And play that tune upon the sweet stars.

Your beautiful words scarp down my soul,
Laughing at my beliefs in you,
You lead me to believe,
In so much more.

Tonight is our final good bye,
Don’t shed a tear upon her body,
I know your love for her will never falter,
You wished me away night after night.

So god finally granted your wish,
With the kiss of love,
Forever and always,
Goodbye.

Well, there was a strong amount on inconsistency since some of it rhymed and some of it didn't. I also didn't really understand the point/subject/concept.
Meh...maybe it's just me.

No, it made sense to me.

So god finally granted your wish,
With the kiss of love,
Forever and always,
Goodbye.

This is lovely! I love this ending!

Thank you muchously !
wu x

I really liked this one and don't have any crit great job, this poem really speaks to me.

Oh my gosh Wulie...this proves it...you've ALWAYS been a poet, and you ALWAYS will! You are soooo good at endings...the rest of your poems are kind of 'well, Ok' but the endings...

lol - cheers I guess thats something

I agree with Carsguitars77 I didn't unterstand the point/subject/concept. But I did slightly unterstand the ending. Which was beutiful.