Young Writers Society

Music, music everywhere,
Yet no one finds it singing in the air.
Guitars, violins with their plucked musical strings,
Bells and chimes making ‘ding-dong-ding’s.
Is this the only music you hear?
Is that all that’s ringing in your ear?
Listen-there is other music flowing,
Open your heart and hear them growing.
Listen to the wind and the raindrops drumming a beat.
Don’t miss the busy bees buzzing in the heat,
Hear the leaves rustling and the grey clouds rumbling,
Listen to them all, even the purple ocean grumbling.
Nature is always singing a sweet song.
Now that you’ve found the music-just sing along!

With this poem, you follow the very structured approach to poetry -- starting with something more particular and generalizing as you follow the lines through-- and I think that it works well with what you're saying. I think the idea of this poem is cute, and it follows a nice little singsong pattern. At the beginning, with the first two lines, you don't really realize that this is supposed to in AABB format; this is my only issue with the poem. When you're going to write a poem that is not free-verse, make sure that you stay within the confines of the structure that's you've chosen. In this case, you finish the first line with "everywhere"; however, this does not rhyme with "year", and yet every other coupling after that rhymes. For example:

Music, music everywhere, A
Yet no one finds it singing in the year. B
Guitars, violins with their plucked musical strings, C
Bells and chimes making ‘ding-dong-ding’s. C
Is this the only music you hear? D
Is that all that’s ringing in your ear? D
Listen-there is other music flowing, E
Open your heart and hear them growing. E
Listen to the wind and the raindrops drumming a beat. F
Don’t miss the busy bees buzzing in the heat, F
Hear the leaves rustling and the grey clouds rumbling, G
Listen to them all, even the purple ocean grumbling. G
Nature is always singing a sweet song. H
Now that you’ve found the music-just sing along! H


Song rhymes with along, rumbling with grumbling, etc. You want the first two lines to rhyme. Say it out loud to try and get the right sound. In my opinion, "year" is not the right word for what you're trying to say. Pick something that has more meaning. With that change, it should be perfect. All in all, a nice little poem. It's refreshing to see something that isn't about misery, pain and strife. Good job!

oh no the "year" is supposed to be "iar.
this isn't really the kind of poem i write-i wrote this in a poetry contest where they gave us a topic. i didi this in 45 mins. if you really want to read some good poems by me chcheck out "After Dark"(narrative) and "Your Eyes"(dramatic)
i never get the rhyming sequence corrct!!
thank you.

Wow... if you could do that in 45 minutes, you're skilled.

My main problem was that it was hard to read aloud. Try it... some of the words are stumblers. My tongue had difficulty going over the stepping stones from the beginning of the poem to the end of the poem, and I stumbled into the water a couple of times. This is mostly because of the metering being a little off, but I think you can do by trimming your poem a little bit and making the lines a little shorter. Short lines, though hard to write, tend to sound a little bit more musical.

thanks for the tips. cute avie