alone

Will I ever be alone?
Will I ever be myself?
Will I be at home or at a friends home?
Its a mystery

Hmmm...

Welcome to YWS

Your peom is short. Haha.

Maybe a bit of length and some descriptive words would give it life.

This is a very basic poem skeleton that you could build on

Use your imagination

Peace V

haha.
It was cute, but it might need a little bit more length...
Maybe why this person feels this way...
Such and such.

And watch your title, it did not have a Capital Letter..
Sorry, that just bugs meh.
And your grammar.
Just sayin'.

But I did in fact, like this...

Well, it's a good start. If you could add life to it I'm sure it would be great. This poem as very good potential.

It feels...and looks like the beginning of an interesting and powerful thought. Don't let it slip away.

And weclome to YWS

Yeah. I echo the others. This is a really nice start, although way too short. You really need to expand on it. Otherwise this just isn't enough to be fantastic.

:Sythe:

Hi there Harry!

Welcome to YWS, I see we haven't met, so I give you my greeting and good hops for your continual stay here. ^^

The poem!

This is a short poem. The kind of short poem that really *shouldn't* be a short poem, because it fails to engage at all.

Firstly, we'll chat about the repetition. In a four line poem, having three of those start with the same beginning is merely annoying to the reader. It provides no poetric purpose, except to show how monotonously uncreative the poem itself is.

We don't care. When a person reads a poem they are - however subconsciously - looking to care about the persona, and the facts presented. We don't care here. I don't care here. What does it mean to me, whose house you will be in? Why should we care? Think about this, and look at your poem from a critical view, why is it important that you may be ar someone elses house?

Here, you are lacking in poetic elements. You have words, but no techniques. Perhaps some imagery, a metaphor or similie would help you out here. What does the fear of being alone feel like. Or is it not fear, but an impending excitement that jitters along your bones until you feel you could split with the want of it all. Think about this, a bit of imagery, and explanation, can go a long way.

Your best line is "It is a mystery" why don't you take that and expand on it. Merely the concept of mystery and how it equates to life, perhaps it is the glint in the eye of a suspect man, or the green on your birthday present. As it is, your poem fails to enagage, and fails to *mean* anything. It's merely words on the page.

It does, however, have potential. You have what I can see is a base concept, but you need to look at all of the above before it becomes something for the reader, as well as yourself.

Luck! If you change this, Pm me. I'd love to read it over again.

*Hearts* Le Penguin.

Thanks for all the reply!

This is a very basic outline to a poem. But as others said it's a very good start. Try expanding on it and give us (the readers) a visual. Something solid that we can picture in our minds.

A very good start to something that could be great!

Best of luck
OverEasy

I like the theme, but I have to repeat the people above me. The poem needs to be fleshed out, give it some breathing room . Good luck!

harrypotterbooklover101,


...what?

This dies at the title, and the fundamental conflict seems to be driven by...wait, what conflict? There's nothing that follows that is either unexpected or new.

Just a random thought, but a poem along these lines might be more successful if (a) it featured a kleptomaniac or (b) you killed the first strophe.


Best,
Brad

This is a slightly hilarious poem, but if you want anybody to take it seriously, you're going to have to add more.

You may want to put a little more effort into it there.
It was kind of weak, but if you added more it could be really cool.
Not to dramatic either...

Like the others said, this is like the framework for a great poem. You should add a little depth to this, and really mix your feelings in there. Tell how you really feel.
Hey, remember, you'll find a friend. I don't have a friend right now either, so I'm pretty lonely. Jesus is always there to turn to! He is just waiting for you so you can have a friend too. He luvs ya!!!

Thanks for all the comments and some helpful tips.With all this advise i'm going to make a new pome.