Young Writers Society

I have what I think is a decent start to a short story, and then bleh nothing. I am going to post what I have and see what y'all have to say. I'd really like this to go somewhere. I think I posted this in the right place, feel free to move it mods if you don't think so. CL.


I didn't invent the rainy day, man. I just own the best umbrella.
- Almost Famous

He was a rock star. The type that has a gaggle of girls tattooed Penny Lane on each hip; henna circles and dripping sepia lines on their tongues. Children, really, these girls with code names like Sapphire, and Starr. The kind that didn’t just love the band, but the music, the invention of cords and melodies, rifts and harmonies threaded together to create something bigger that all their little parts. Girls looking for a revolution, a revolution that explodes deep within the bones, one that shatters foundations of the castle, not knowing exactly what they are looking for, but looking for it still. Girls in search of the unattainable. Those were the ones, that seeped into his brain and stayed there for hours, days, weeks, sometimes months on end; like pure sugar they remained in his system. They were the inspiration. Sometimes on rainy days he would sit, and strum, humming along to a song with no words that needed nothing but the slight formation of simple morphemes. The electric lines (blue-grey passion) flooding into his body. Pulsating with something primal that no neologism could supply answers or definitions for, this natural high.

There was this girl he remembered, not for her face but her hands. They were small, white, her fingers though long and tapered at the end; and whenever he clasped them in his own, they were soft, such a contrast to his own calloused ones, and smelled of pinewood. He forgot all about this girl except for her hands, the feel, the smell, and on some rainy days he would sit, and pluck, imaging her hands, again.

-

I would be interally yours to anyone who can shed some light, and help me budge the buffalo that is writer's block, from my hand.

Fortunately/unfortunately, m'dear.

You have a description. Then you have an opening about a girl. This says to me, "Aha! There's conflict."

Or... is there?

RIght now, there's no real conflict. You have this girl with beautiful hands. All right, that's fine. Now, introduce the conflict.

Fortunately there's this girl that attracts his interest.

Unfortunately that girls is a homicidal maniac.

Fortunately they seemed to be interested in each other and she wasn't about to kill him.

Unfortunately...

You decide. I'm not sure where you want to go with thus, but before you can, you need to introduce some conflict. With loose abstract description, it's very easy to get side-tracked, so somettimes it's very helpful to outline your story in this manner so you see any possibilities of conflict.

Good luck!

I really think you have a great start here. The description is beautiful and so is your writing style; the only thing technical that I would comment on is your punctuation. Use some dashes (—) or something to create longer pauses where they're needed, to really add to the impact the reader gets from the intricacy of the writing. Slow it down, in other words. Force the reader to drag it out as they read in their heads. Make it into something that takes a long time to read.

As for inspiration...I agree with Snoink, but I suggest going for something a little more...um, subtle than a homicidal maniac . It really all depends on what sort of story you want this to be. Romance pops out at me first.

You could make it into something serious, sad, and twisted: since musicians are involved, you could add something interesting about addictive drug use and how it's destroying this couple's relationship. Or how the guy wants the girl, but she has other ideas because she's too involved in the music world.

Anyway, I think it should focus on the world of music just because of how heavily the description is centered on it. Not only that, but the writing has a sort of musical feel to it, don't you think?

Hope that helps.