Young Writers Society

"I think so too," James said softly, looking up at her face again. It was nice to see her smile.

He paused for a moment, letting the situation sink in.

He was sick, and wounded, and vulnerable, and Evaline was wrapping him up. Tending to his wounds. Though thinking about it brought back feelings of discomfort, he'd been able to distract himself by talking to her. She was making him smile, and laugh, and though he was still mostly aware of what was going on, he was able to relax... more than he ever could in a long time. Like this.

As Evaline's hand reached for his collarbone, he lifted his hand, resting his over hers.

"I trust you," he said, wanting to say it out loud. Especially before she unwrapped this one. It was like a reminder to himself.

Evaline's eyes softened when James lifted his hand to put over hers. She looked up at him, although at this point, she wasn't sure if it was worth reading his sickly expression anymore. She'd like to think that she was talking to the normal James she knew, but she knew she was talking to sick James. How much he meant everything, she didn't know.

But it was still nice, and she didn't want to treat him any differently.

"I trust you too," she said back, waiting for him to pull out himself before she moved forward.

She paused for a second to think through the extent of her trust to him. There were still things she didn't want to talk about, but maybe if he asked, she would share. But unless she told him about it, there would be no reason for him to ask. Did that still indicate full trust? At one point could you fully trust someone?

"You can also tell me anything," she added, hoping that they could move past his usual filter around her. She knew that at one point, he decided to use less flowery language around her. Maybe it was because she had jokingly harped on him using clichés, and he took it personally. She didn't know, but she hoped she could undo whatever she said or did.

"And I'd tell you anything too."

"Anything," James echoed in a whisper, pondering over what that meant. It was straightforward enough, but anything didn't mean everything.

He stared up at her, noting how she didn't move yet, and stayed, with his hand over hers. He wondered if she thought that was his nonverbal way of telling her not yet... and he appreciated that she waited. Now that he was finally letting his mind catch up to him, he wasn't sure he was ready either. But he knew that she was a good distraction. If he just focused on her, maybe it would make that storm roll away. Or at least, make it quieter.

James looked up at her face, scanning it, trying to memorize it. He'd been with her almost every hour of every day for three months, but now he was looking at every little freckle, every faint little smile or frown line. He studied the way her dark brows were shaped, and how they framed her piercing blue eyes.

Like this, with her expression softened, and the fading remains of a smile...

He blinked slowly, and his expression softened in kind.

"Then... I will just have to tell you as much as I can," he said softly. "That you are stunning."

He squeezed her hand gently.

Evaline meant it when she said that James could tell her anything, but she wasn't expecting that.

She found the heat slowly reach her head, filling in more than her cheeks. He had called her stunning. And in the past, beautiful. Even yesterday. And she was okay with it. It just... it didn't mean she could easily take it, though.

"Thanks," she said shyly and softly, lightly squeezing his hand back as she tried to smile, but it came out looking nervous. It was hard to maintain eye contact.

With her free hand, she brushed his hair back with her fingers, trying to distract herself from the inevitable anxiety that buzzed around her heart. Her other hand was still under his on his collarbone.

"To be honest..." she began softly, focusing on her fingers slowly brushing his hair back. "I'm not very good at taking compliments."

That probably went without saying, but it was time she admitted it.

"I think... I prefer compliments over things I can control. So, I don't know... I've always thought compliments about looks were... shallow. Because it's not anything I can change."

James closed his eyes, just for a moment, as Evaline pushed back his hair again. When he looked back up at her, he brought his other hand up, stacking atop his and hers, holding her hand against his chest.

"And then there are other things," he said, feeling his heart thump loudly in his chest.

"That you could change, but I would never want you to."

He continued to study her face, committing it to memory.

"Like the way you laugh, or the way your brow softens when you smile. Or the way you pay attention to the little details. Or the way you get excited when you do something right, and your eyes light up like the stars. Or the way you see the beauty in everything, in the colors of the sunset, and the rushing of the stream. And your simple awe in wonder reminds me to stop and appreciate what's in front of me, and the beauty that the world offers, just by existing. Or the way that you sometimes try to hide your smile by pressing your lips together and looking away."

He felt his heart beating louder. Maybe it was only louder in his head. He didn't look away from Evaline's face.

"Or... the way you stayed with me," his voice got a little quieter. "When I was hurt. And you didn't have to. And you didn't run when I... accidentally showed you that memory. Or the way that you looked at me, back when we danced at the camp..."

His sentence trailed off as heat rushed to his cheeks, and his nerves started twisting up in knots.

What was he saying? Where was that thought going? Panic made his already hazy mind even foggier, and his eyes flicked to her lips as the memory flashed in the back of his mind.

With each passing word, Evaline slowed her movements and found herself locking her eyes with James until she completely froze, lost in his words and eyes. He was saying compliment over and compliment now, but they seemed to evolve into quirks he liked about her. And they were small things, too. Things she didn't realize herself, and things she didn't know he would know.

She was used to observing James, admittedly memorizing every inch of his body and noting his own quirks and when he did something out of the ordinary. She hadn't realized he had done the same to her.

Evaline listened patiently, feeling his pulse through his hands on hers. Or maybe it was her own pulse. Or maybe it was his heart thumping against his chest.

Tears glistened behind her eyes that she couldn't repress, and after he finished talking, a small teardrop slowly rolled down her cheek.

She wanted to say something to match what he said, but she knew she couldn't.

Her hand traveled down from his forehead to his cheek, her fingers brushing his skin while moving. She cupped her hand against his face, her thumb rubbing his cheek and the edge of his lips.

The way you looked at me, back at the camp when we danced...

"...Like this?" she asked softly, her gaze falling to his lips as she tried to redo the moment.

It was a day after he told her that he was sensitive with touch. Back then, she felt lied and deceived to, and she may have said things to James that hurt his feelings. But still, he gave her longing looks. But still, he reached out to brush her hair behind her ear. But still, he took her hand and led her into a dance she would never forget.

Because afterwards, she remembered feeling a semblance of happiness. It was deep and intense, not shallow like with people she didn't know. But with the familiar feeling of connection, she had a burning desire to keep going. Kiss, touch, connect.

Now, she wasn't sure if it was the same. She wasn't sure if she wanted to kiss, touch, and connect with James like she had before, because things were different now. More complex. Everything had meaning, now.

But...

Yesterday James seemed to ask with his eyes, too. And she thought about this a lot this morning.

And...

If he wanted...

Evaline decided... well...

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

James felt like his heart was going to leap out of his chest, and he knew Evaline could probably feel it too, with him practically holding her hand over his heart. His lips parted just a little as her finger traced just the edge, and he took in a slow breath, trying to steady his pounding pulse.

"Yes," he whispered, hardly taking a moment to stop and think before he said it.

And at that moment, a sudden wave of anxiety crashed over him. He wasn't sure if Evaline wanted this, or if he wanted this, or if he was ready. He felt safe with Evaline's hand resting on his cheek, but he couldn't help it when the millions of hypothetical outcomes played out from this moment forward.

At one point, he'd told Evaline that he tried to live in the moment and enjoy the present. Perhaps, that was only partially true. It was easier to live in the moment when he was all he had to worry about. But now, with Evaline - with someone he cared about, it was impossible not to consider how all of this could affect their future. Their future... together.

And he had to admit to himself that he was scared. Scared of her seeing him again, riddled with scars, and scared she wouldn't even be able to look at him. Scared that she wouldn't want the whole of him, for how he was now. Scared to make a mistake, and make it all unravel, and then she would turn on him, and things would never be the same.

He knew he was overthinking, and for a few seconds, he felt frozen, staring up at her, feeling both fear and longing, and struggling to find the courage to tell the difference.

Hesitantly, he lifted up one hand, still keeping one over hers. He reached up to her face, gently pushing a small strand of hair behind her ear with a shaky hand. Then he mirrored her, resting his hand on her cheek, holding her face.

He felt like he couldn't breathe.

"Like this."

James was right: this was how they looked at each other throughout mage camp. They kept eyeing each other back and forth, looking away when the other was near, and refusing to address what happened in that moment, and for the next month.

They were replaying it now, but this time it was different. This time, they didn't look or turn away. This time, they both knew. They knew how the other felt, and it seemed that neither one of them wanted to deny it anymore. They could either move forward or continue to lie to not only each other, but to themselves.

Evaline wasn't sure which was louder: the sound of her heart or her breathing. Everything suddenly became eerily quiet and all she could focus on was James's face in her hand, and the signal he gave by tucking her hair behind her ear like he did at mage camp, and how he also held her face in his hand -- like he was giving her consent.

But at the back of her mind, she still remembered how embarrassed and uncomfortable he was after she gave him a meaningless celebratory kiss after passing the horse exam, and how he had hugged his own body tight and hold her: "You can ask me before touching."

Evaline found herself leaning forward, but not towards his lips. She instead leaned in to kiss his forehead, slow and silent. She lingered there for a few seconds with her lips pressed up again his burning forehead, again reminded that he was sick.

But she didn't care. In this moment, she didn't care if she would get sick too, or if James was sill a bit delirious and none of this was completely genuine on his end.

She pulled out just enough to hover in front of his face, her face close to his. This was the first time she was this close and personal for more than a few short seconds, and she wanted to memorize all the things she missed before, from the small sunspots to the way his deep blue eyes seemed to reveal secrets she hadn't realized before.

Her thumb brushed against the corner of his lips, and she found herself glancing down again, wondering if she should. But instead she looked up at his eyes again, focusing on his warm breath hitting her face.

She felt the words come up without filter.

"I like you," she whispered quietly, but being so close to him, she knew he could hear her. "More than you know."

James lost track of her face when she leaned forward, but his hand found her cheek again, and his fingers brushed up against it. His stomach turned inside out when she kissed his forehead and continued to do flips at her whispered words.

She was so close. If he had gravity on his side, all he would've had to do was lean, just a little.

His eyes flicked to her lips one more time, and when he met her eyes again, he wondered if she was afraid to, because of last time. If he was honest, he was still scared too, but that didn't mean he didn't want to.

"If you want to..." he whispered, barely audible.

Evaline wasn't really sure what she was looking for. Affirmation, maybe. Inspiration. Consent?

It didn't matter. James's silent whisper was enough.

He said want. That was the word that made her hesitate, just for a second. Did she want to? Did he want to?

She was overthinking it.

She didn't want to overthink it.

Evaline inched her hand on his face a little closer to his mouth, her thumb lightly grazing his lips, lining it across and back, just once.

And then she leaned forward, tilting her head, closing her eyes, her nose touching his, her lips touching his.

James brought his hand to the back of her neck, and as much as he could manage, he leaned his head forward, pressing his lips against hers.

He didn't know how long this would last, or how it all would end, but at the moment, he was soaring, and Evaline was with him, and that was all he could think about.

The anxiety and nervousness seemed to disappear and, for a moment, all Evaline could focus on was that James was in front of her, his lips on hers, and he was all that mattered right now.

They both kissed not so much with an intense and passionate manner, but bashful and delicate. And Evaline was glad for that.

She did want this. He made her a better person. She was also realizing that seeing him happy made her happy, too. She told him that her happiness was his happiness, but it went both ways. She wanted him to be happy, too.

Eventually Evaline pulled away his a little just so that her lips lightly grazed upon his, and then she leaned back with her head still tiled, her hand still holding his cheek.

"James," she said with a shy smile and softened eyes. She looked into his eyes, but then looked down at her hand still over his chest, feeling his heart beat against her fingers. She gave his hand over hers a gentle squeeze.

Neither one of them really such much of how they felt about each other until they came to the oasis, but that didn't matter now. What mattered was that they both knew, they both had each other, and that they would work to bring out the best of each other and themselves.

There was still a lot Evaline had to work on, but she knew she could count on James. She knew he was someone she wanted in her life. Her new life, here in Nye. She could be a different person here. With him. Here.

"Metaphorically," she said softly, although didn't elaborate any more.

James knew a kiss didn't cure his fever, but just a few brief seconds after Evaline pulled away, he forgot about everything. The pain, his burning forehead, his throbbing skull, the constant ache in his side.

The way she said his name, it was like a soft blanket wrapping around him, and he just melted. He barely even registered the next word she said, and he didn't understand what it meant at first, but then he remembered.

She couldn't give him a new pair of lungs, but she could give him her heart. Metaphorically. It almost made him want to laugh. He squeezed her hand back.

Evaline shyly smiled and looked down at his hand still on top of his. This all started because he had put her hand over hers and told her that he trusted her, and she didn't want to unbandage until he felt like he was ready. She didn't think it would turn into a kiss.

But... she was glad it did.

Still, she needed to clean up the wound. Usually after every intimate interaction, they turned away from each other, awkward and flustered. But not this time.

She slowly slid her hand away from his face and brushed her fingertips over his hand on top of her other hand.

"Whenever you're ready," she said gently.

James glanced down at their hands, and it took him a second before he remembered. She was checking his wounds, still. That wasn't done just because of a kiss.

"Oh," he said quietly, staring at their hands for a few more seconds before pulling his away slowly.