Young Writers Society

James didn’t look at her again. His gaze was unfocused, staring out ahead of him.

Five years.

Time passed. Things changed. She thought it was all a dream. She had to forget to move on. To heal.

Of course he didn’t expect her to feel the same way as five years ago. Neither of them were the same people anymore. They didn’t know each other anymore. Not in the same way. But James couldn’t find sufficient words to describe the emptiness he felt in his chest. Like something was ripped out and cleared away. Not to make space for something new. Just... gaping.

Empty.

Her words from his dream came back like a quiet song. One he’d once played over and over and over again in his head, letting guilt wrap around him and wring him out. Everything within him, leaking out, little by little.

He hadn’t forgotten. Oh, he’d forgotten so many things. Months of his memory were locked away, and he was too afraid to open the seal. But Evaline?

She’d been a constant presence, kicking around his head.

A recurring thought happened often: It’s better that she’s gone now, so she wouldn’t have to endure this. Or better: so she wouldn’t see me like this and who I’ve become.

Of course memories dulled with time. He’d thought the feelings would too. But it was like all of them had just compunded into a solid rock in his chest before she tore it out.

He knew she didn’t mean to. He knew she had to. By the gods, he didn’t blame her and never expected things to return to the way theh were. But...

We can still be friends. Has so many implications.

He knew he agreed. Hell, that was a million times more than he ever would have expected or asked for.

And Evaline was keeping it together. Time wasn’t being undone.

She’d been undone.

And because of that, he knew if he ever saw her again, she would be different. For all he knew, she could’ve been a totally different person. One who still cared, maybe, but not in the same way.

It had to be okay, but a deep, dull ache filled the hole that was left, and he sat very, very still.

Friends.

“I’d like that,” he said quietly.

It wasn’t like he’d just said an apology he’d had living in his mind for five years.

She’d said she couldn’t do this.

Yeah. Neither could he.

“I’m sorry if that was too much. To... think about. Again.”

Evaline didn't know what was running through James's head, but she was relieved to hear that there was no objection. And she was even more relieved to hear that he was okay with being friends.

Because, despite the hurt and the anguish, she still cared, more now than before since she now knew he was real. She still wanted the best for him. She still wanted him to find happiness, even if she was out of the picture. Especially when she was out of the picture.

"It's okay," she said, not having moved or giving him a glance. She was afraid of what she may see in him. "I expected this to come up sooner or later. You don't need to apologize. But... I'll accept it anyways."

Frequent apologizing seemed to be another thing unchanged about him.

"And I also want you to know," she said slowly. "I'll help you get through this. I'm not going to abandon you in Terra. I'll still visit."

James was having a hard time accepting the fact that Evaline didn't blame him, and didn't even think he needed to apologize. It was difficult to let it sink it that she did want to be friends.

He never thought he'd see her again, but when he did dare hope to imagine this situation, it didn't play out like this.

He always thought she would be angry. That she would be bitter. She would tell him all of the things that he told himself, just like everyone else. But she just seemed to want to move on. To deal with the present, instead of being caught up in the past.

He knew... he used to be like that.

James could feel a weariness starting to cling to him, and the hole in his chest still ached.

He didn't know how to do friendship again. He didn't know how to trust again. Not really. Not fully. Maybe he could trust her with the best parts of himself, but he was afraid she wouldn't like the rest anymore. He was broken beyond repair. He was never going to be the same again.

I'll help you get through this.

This - being stuck on earth. But not everything else. She hadn't signed up for that.

He rested his forearms on his knees, leaned forward, and hugged his arms.

"Thank you," he said softly.

He was afraid to say what was lingering in the back of his mind.

He was afraid to be alone. So, so afraid of being alone.

There was a long pause, and Evaline bit down whatever dull emotion she was feeling to finally look at James. He was leaning forward holding his arms, and although she couldn't exactly read him, he looked like he was holding back something. Or maybe it was what she wanted to think. It would make sense that they would both be holding back information. It wasn't exactly easy to freely share things given their history and time.

Time. He just needed time. That was what helped heal her. She wanted to give the same gift to him.

"It's the right thing to do," she said, and she fought the urge to reach out and touch his shoulder for extra sincerity. She remembered he didn't like to be touched, especially now since he associated touch with being hurt.

Evaline broke her gaze to stare at the food in front of her. She suddenly lost her appetite, and her head was a hazy drowsy mess. She wasn't all that tired, but she needed sleep to reset. Maybe she'd be hungry again after she woke up from her shift.

"I can answer more of your questions tomorrow," she said as she stored the food items in her bag and then got up on her feet to sit down on the sleeping bag across from him. The camp was small, so it was only a few feet away.

"I'm going to get some rest. Are you good to stay up?" she asked as she got settled in.

James nodded. "Yes. I'll stay up," he simply said.

"Okay," she said softly, laying down.

Evaline paused for a moment, not liking that she could still feel the tension in the air. It had been a while since she was bothered by things like this. She was used to going to sleep feeling some kind of unresolved conflict, but this—even if small—felt too big to ignore.

"James?" she called, sitting up again. "I'm sorry if all of this has been hard for you. Now, and from the past five years."

Being on Earth. But also, other things. Their history. She knew he couldn't have had someone dull his memories like she did so she could forget and move on. She didn't know how he processed the fallout, and it made her heart sink a little when she heard that he had those dreams for a months. She could only imagine how difficult things were for him before he came here. With the horrific nightmares that she caused, bounty hunters chasing him, and the dangers of the outlands, the last five years must have been hell.

"But you're here now, and I'll do my best to make sure you're safe. No one's going to want to hurt you. I'll make sure of that," she added.

James paused for a moment but simply quietly said, "Thank you." With only a candle to see, she couldn't quite make out all the features of his face, but he sat very still.

"And James?" she continued on.

Good night.

"Don't forget to wake me up in six hours," she said instead.

And with that, she laid down on her sleeping bag, letting the calm of her mind slow down her thoughts until there was only an empty canvas, and then she slept.

James wouldn’t have been able to sleep in the first six hours of the watch even if he wanted to.

His mind was racing. Over and over, around in circles. Making his month-long headache worse again.

What he would give to have a clear head...

Evaline said she was going to make sure no one wanted to hurt him. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her word, it just seemed to good to be true. Things never worked out quite how they were planned. Not for him. Not ever.

When his time to sleep finally came, he laid down very still.

He didn’t have any kind of energy within him to move.

He wished he could sleep forever. He really wished he could. But he only slept three hours.

When his eyes cracked open to the sun, they felt raw and red, like the sunshine was burning. His headache still remained, but that was no surprise. With a sigh, he sat up and looked around.

Just like yesterday, Evaline wasn’t around. At least, not inside, from where he could see. With an empty, sleep deprived brain he wandered to the door of the tree and looked around.

Elliot was fine. He was standing right where James had left him, nibbling at some grass. The cat Elliot was sleeping heavily still, but James could notice the blood on her face. He assumed the cat had gone hunting sometime in the night, and gratefully, hadn’t touched Elliot. It was probably smaller game, since he couldn’t see any remains around.

As for Evaline, James didn’t see her outside the entrance like yesterday, so he started scanning the forest around the tree.

Eventually, he spotted a blurry human-like blob in the distance sitting on something he couldn’t quite make out.

With a glance back at their animals, he inched forward on quiet feet through the forest just to make sure it was Evaline, since he didn’t trust his sight these days.

When he got close, he recognized her clothes, and her frame. She was meditating again, holding the rigid pose as she sat atop a large flat rock, and the morning sun’s rays poked through the trees and spattered across her face.

James didn’t want to disturb her again. He glanced back at the Elliots and started back towards them, careful to walk silently.

Meditation always cleared up Evaline's mind. She had always been an anxious person, and it wasn't something she could switch off. But between meditation and the other routine activities, she found that she could minimize it to almost nothing. It was nice to be able to reset her mind like this.

For years, she had fell into a routine. Sleep when night fell, wake up at dawn, exercise, and then meditate for at least an hour as the sun rises. A fully-rested body with good health and a clear mind did wonders for defeating anxiety.

Of course, James did interrupt the routine since they slept in shifts and they had to get moving, but that was okay. As long as she meditated, it didn't matter how her day started. What was important was that she went through her day with peace and calm that meditation often provided.

Being in a meditative state enabled her to hear more than usual: the birds singing, the wind blowing, the rustling of critters, her own breathing, her heart gently beating across her chest. Although James was moving silently, she could hear the squirrels in the trees chasing him and the birds getting quieter upon his approach. Nature had other telling ways to announce an arrival.

Evaline waited for him to walk away, and when she did, she finally opened her eyes, letting the morning sunlight stream into her vision. If James were not here, she'd probably want to meditate even longer. Something about the beauty of this place made her feel more at peace.

She got up to stretch her back, and then got down from the rock and started to make her way back to their little camp, not bothering to quiet her approach and letting the twigs and dirt crunch under her feet.

"Good morning," she said to James who was by his Elliot. She kneeled down and pet her Elliot as well, rubbing her exposed tummy as she slept heavily. "Did you sleep okay?"

James looked back when he heard Evaline coming. It seemed that whether he was trying to be quiet or not, Evaline had sensed him and returned. That, or she just happened to be done.

He gave her a quick sharp nod of recognition as she said good morning and shrugged non-committally at her question.

"Eh," he said.

The answer was always no.

Evaline gave cat Elliot another pat and then just barely turned her head to eye James and gauge his expression. There wasn't much to see. Just tiredness.

He always looked tired.

She turned back to focus on giving Elliot more pets. Even through her deep sleep, she was purring.

"My Elliot won't be up for a couple more hours," she said. "She always needs more sleep after hunting."

Evaline took out an old rag from her pack to clean up some blood around her face. She thought about what she could do in her free time with James after a tense night.

"Do you want to go on a morning walk with me?" she asked. "You are also welcome to sleep more if you would like. I can stay nearby."

James didn't like his odds at attempting to sleep again. Now that he was up, he was up. He nodded slowly at Evaline's first offer.

"A walk would be nice," he said, glancing at Elliot, his horse. He figured both Elliots would stay put. He gave Elliot an affectionate pat on the side.

Evaline nodded, standing up.

"Okay. You can bring your Elliot if you want, but he's also safe with my Elliot. She's quick to wake if there's trouble."

Evaline peered down a certain path and started to head towards there, passing James and giving him a small smile.

"Sorry. Them having the same names is already confusing."

James hummed, looking from the horse to the cat before he followed behind Evaline.

"We'll call mine Eli," he said simply. "About time he had an alias too."

Evaline laughed through her nose in amusement as they went down the path. There was a small boardwalk ahead - one of the few constructed pathways to not disturb the creek or create another path around it.

"No, that's okay. Elliot already knows his name. I think it makes more sense to rename mine to Ellie or something else entirely. I think it's cute for a cat, anyways."

"Ellie works," he said softly, looking out at the path Evaline was leading them on. It looked like the path was paved with wood. Like a bridge with no railing. Thick trees lined either side, peeking over their heads with bushy branches. Under the path, he could hear the faint trickling of water. There was a stream, or a creek, somewhere.

It was peaceful. In some ways, it reminded him of home. In many ways, it didn't.

Evaline nodded at the affirmation, leading James to cross the short boardwalk. She was silent for a few seconds as she watched how the sun's rays filtered through the trees and lit the path in front of her. Even if James wasn't here, she'd take this walk by herself. With the sleepy giant trees looming over them and the water below the board lazily slipping by, it felt like the woods was waking up with her.

"Speaking of aliases," she began again as they continued down the path, leaving the creek behind them. "No one knows or understands your wanted status here. Would you still like to be known as Matt?"

James was quiet for a moment.

“...They wouldn’t have issue with the fact that I lied about my name?”