Young Writers Society

Lying on the kitchen floor
Slipping on my blood as I try to stand
Crouched by the cabinet door
She’s in tears but drops the knife from her hand
In pain from the many slits
I feel the deepest gash on my right palm
I’ve survived her many fits
But this time it’s hard to remain calm
Hard, but not impossible
The authorities will be notified
My lie so eventful
The truth shall hide until after I’ve died

~Chorus~
She can’t go away
Not as long as I can stop it
I’m afraid to stray
Because I’m afraid to be alone
I’ll just say it’s someone else
…A petty thief

Bandaged by skepticism
The hand of the law passes right through her
She lost all the incisions
And all that’s been lost will never occur
As comfort fancies the guilt
She fluffs my hospital pillow today
And feels stitching from this quilt
Imagining how the next time will play
Endangered as I may be
I restrain all common logic within
I’ve chosen not to be free
As to head start the process of building

All over again
Over and all again

First of all its too short so it feels as you just began reading a book you been waiting for and it is only 3 pages long...
In good lyrics, writers usually use a rhythm or beat in their lyrics by making the rhyming scheme.
You did had the writing scheme but some of the lines looked liked "forced witting" so it didn’t sound that good. Some lines were also too short or too long which would ruin the rhythm. When you write a poem try to use the most simple beat and read through your lyrics (usually well formed lyrics can bend to many simple beats).

Also what I did not like about these lyrics was that they were cliché a bit. I mean how many songs have you heard about how some one you are in love with is causing you pain, yet no matter how bad you feel, you still love her. So please be a bit more creative on your next lyrics.

Also:

Because I’m afraid to be alone

I think it be better if you take because away.

Your writing was still good how ever. You described the feelings, very well.
Anyways keep on writing and I hope this helped you.

I'm not sure if the syllables are balanced. If its suppossed to be a song I would suggest that you check the rhyming scheme...

hmm… i am confused as to who the she is, in this poem, maybe its just me, seeming as it is 2 am, but i do like this, you have a theme with all your lyrics, they all come together, in a weird puzzle kind of way, but its a good thing ;D

I like the story in here I was a bit confused in the beginning but I think it's about a girl who gets attacked by her mom because her mom's ill. She gets hurt but hides that it was her mom's fault because she loves her? haha ok I'm not feeling well so forgive me if I didn't quite follow that and correct me as well please I agree with the other reviewer's though, you should maybe change your words a bit to create a better flow... it will sound better when you put a melody to your lyrics and sing your song xxx

This isn't bad. The syllabic content is a bit unbalanced, and the story is a little bit labyrinthe. Other than that, though, it's clever and original and just really unique. I think if you tweak it here and there and make the message a little more clear, maybe just add some length while you're at it. I liked it, though. Keep it up.