Young Writers Society

Tango with the Devil

You took me by the hand and dealt me a couple aces
Then twirled me all around while keeping various paces
You looked me in the eye and whispered a goodbye
Little did I know, you were gambling with my life

A tango for two
For me and for you
We twist our limbs in slight
And try to reunite
We grow further apart
And wring and gnarl our hearts
And I tango with you

It took me by surprise when you hissed and spouted lies
To cover up your insufficiencies and realised
That you could make me dance in any way you pleased
And you wouldn’t be satisfied till you had me on my knees

A tango for two
For me and for you
We twist our limbs in slight
And try to reunite
We grow further apart
And wring and gnarl our hearts
And I tango with you

A tango with the devil can be very temperamental
Its nuances are varied and it beats upon your temple
Many conundrums of a fashion you can’t bear to ponder on
Philosophical conclusions seem to be the only way
To relieve me of some tension
I can’t bear the apprehension
Of retention of this mentioned
Quite delusional portension

I’ve tangoed with the devil and now I have to burn
I was forced to and was made to but now it is my turn
To take things into my own hands
And ruin his plans

Cos I tangoed with the devil
And I fucking made him sweat
Cos I tangoed with the devil
And I made him regret

A tango for two
For me and for you
We twist our limbs in slight
And try to reunite
We grow further apart
And wring and gnarl our hearts
And I tango with you
I tango with you
You don’t lead but I do
No one cares but I do
You don’t lead but I do.

Quite like the title and from reading the first verse I feel confident that there won't be a lot of mistakes. I'll check through anyway... *reads*
I was right! There wasn't much to comment on in the way of negativity although ever so occasionaly your rhyming patteren did throw me a little. Overall though, it was really good and interested me.
I feel pretty bad that I don't really have anything to say so this is going to have to be a short review. My only avice would be to read it aloud a few times, just to check that the structure all fits together as I found some places where it was off just a little.
Keep writing

I liked the chorus a lot, but the first stanza's rhythm was a little off I had to pause between a few syllables, you might want to count those out and change up some of the words to make them flow more. I have that exact same problem, my lines never seem to match up, and when you read them they seem all choppy. With a little revision, that can change though. Great job though, I liked reading it. Keep Writing!

TedusCloud wrote:It took me by surprise when you hissed and spouted lies
To cover up your insufficiencies and then I? realised
That you could make me dance in any way you pleased
And you wouldn’t be satisfied till you had me on my knees

Just the one part. I like the rest. ^^

TedusCloud wrote:A tango with the devil can be very temperamental
Its nuances are varied and it beats upon your temple
Many conundrums of a fashion you can’t bear to ponder on
Philosophical conclusions seem to be the only way
To relieve me of some tension
I can’t bear the apprehension
Of retention of this mentioned
Quite delusional portension

This stanza seems highly thesaurized, or assisted with the use of "rhyming dictionary". Too many words that end in the sound "ention/ension". The other stanzas aren't quite so complex, so this one seems out of place.

TedusCloud wrote:I’ve tangoed with the devil and now I have to burn
I was forced to and was made to but now it is my turn
To take things into my own hands
And ruin his plans

The first two lines flow really well, but the second two seem hasty and short. I feel like instead of, "I've tangoed with the devil and now I have to burn/I was forced to and was made to but now it is my turn," it's, "I've tangoed with the devil/And now I have to burn/I was forced to and was made to/But now it is my turn." So perhaps if you added more to the third and fourth lines to make them work the same way.

[quote="TedusCloud"]We grow further apart
And wring and gnarl our hearts[quote]
The second line seems choppy. There's the repeated "and", and "gnarl" seems a bit out of place. There's also the issue of "hearts" ending in s, making it seem like you couldn't think of anything better.

Don't get me wrong, this was a really good song, but I felt like you tried too hard in parts. Onlt the parts I quoted. Again, it was really good. I love the idea. Keep writing!

>>Annie<<

I loved it from the first line. Sometimes the timing was a little off, and you udes a lot of complex words, but other than that, I loved it.