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Young Writers Society


The Crimson Cardinal



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Wed Apr 06, 2011 10:24 am
Navita says...



The treehouse is pine wood pushed against
itself like the tree

...

Below this, trunk split and brushing down
to the turmoil soil, my feet are moving
again.


The flawlessness of enjambment makes me want to jump for joy. I love dual meanings created like that, in all seriousness and easy subtlety; keeps the reader on their toes, and interested. The '- this house is -' bothered me for its barefaced injection of a single interpretation into the poem, when it was unravelling fine on its own on the thread of two possibilities; I'd say the last line would pack more of a punch without it.

Also --

Her skirt is static, a brief cling of fabric that keeps
everything motionless, paused on the edge of seat
and action. Everything takes two steps longer when you forget
about speed, the break between her thighs
and plastic, the turn of her head to the side,
the breakdown of language into sign.


Can't believe I didn't mention -- terrific.
  





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Wed Apr 06, 2011 3:22 pm
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PenguinAttack says...



This is how I remember you

Leather shoes breathe like people do, the soft inhale
exhale like light, pressing the sides of your toes
soft. These shoes are laced with thread and plastic,
wingtipped and rubber soled, they are your first pair.

I kept them because the indent of your foot is still printed
against the fabric, your toes left dimples, the laces are frayed.
These shoes are you in a nut-shell, oak brown and wrinkled
with sun and age.
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.
  





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Wed Apr 06, 2011 3:23 pm
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PenguinAttack says...



This cold night

Bloated feathers sitting on the highest branch, watching the smell rise
through the rippled air - this heat is blossoming against the tongue
of hunch-backed whales, coarse black hair bending in devotion, prayers to the god
gone awry. Lipped blue promises at the sky, kneeling back again, throat tipped
against this hard, cold rock. What chances they had echo the orbit of the knowing,
escape is the wet release and they wait, for the slick bellies to under up, present
the same song of the same dance for their captors to judge. These blind beasts grow
restless in the burgeoning night, torpid torment still the folly of gods grown complacent.
Whispers are secret between feathers of humpback birds, stepping foot to foot
before the door of light opens against their clouds, there is nothing in night but
the breath of sanctuary flitting through the beaks of death. The rooted rocks are paused,
stoppered the moment before flight, spilling secret from secret in their haste to live (again).
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.
  





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Wed Apr 06, 2011 3:41 pm
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PenguinAttack says...



Dedication -

my mother who died when I was young
and stole from my chest the blanket we would sleep inside
together. Like a shroud wrapped about her forehead,
the fumes of her rising still against the coffin lid. I wonder
whether this condensation is her breath, have we burried her
alive in the ground, rooted and feeding. We have set her aflame again,
the isle of sea still rocking the skin from her bones when it alights
against the rocks, three sisters watching our boat breaking into pieces
of her. I do not think she minded.
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.
  





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Thu Apr 07, 2011 4:50 am
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PenguinAttack says...



Fruit

He was Czech and his lips roamed accents
as though they were apples. The bite comes after
the kiss, the meat still pale and rigid with breath
below his crescent form, unformed lips,
outward branch, without roots.
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.
  





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Mon Apr 11, 2011 5:55 am
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PenguinAttack says...



/To be replaced at another time.
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.
  





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Mon Apr 11, 2011 11:24 pm
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MeanMrMustard says...



Extraordinary. You are a complex person. And perhaps one of the most unappreciated people on this forum.

I enjoy your insight immensely, never mincing words, never playing into egos, rather being yourself to a curious request. And your writing...is quite something else altogether. There are themes, and there are prototypical signs of "academia" and "conventional poetry", but this reads with spirit when so much poetry out there today reads dead. Sterilized by rigid dogmatic instructors. But then perhaps that is the Mustard in me speaking, blinding me to reality? I choose to never believe first impressions, a virtue and vice.

Peng, this may well be the hardest review of poetry I'm going to give, not because of scope, but you are established without permanent feet, yet also mindful of yourself. And your writing is my basis to proceed on. One may wonder why I am doing this for so many of you and not everyone, and in many ways I'm not sure how much there is to gain except in something in this format. Continue we must (love the avatar by the way).

Peng, where does the white willow grow?
Do you know what I speak of? Is she waiting there, sitting in branches above, perhaps the agreement you made years ago, but can never remember, itching at your neck, nibbling your mind like something happily going numb as it falls out of sight once again; is poetry a form of rehab for those unable to function in society?
The willow Peng, the leaves are made of dresses worn when you were seven and eight, and fourteen; oh are these memories not yours? Or is time fading and ebbing and erasing and rewriting the answer to the exams we all guessed on?
Do you remember the willow Peng, or has it been too long too long, too long for hands to reach back past the shore and smile at the young girl and boy's skin, porcelain smooth and silky euphoria; where did the days go, or has the willow left?
Everything glimmers and is illuminated in times of writing; Foer wrote a novel on lies and finding yourself and used every literary trick in the book, knock on wood pun intended, but where is the depth when we're forty and fifty? Peng our eyes are losing the color of life if we write about the past.
I heard you were going and you were staying, and I saw your play on words about showers in summer and the creation of space in a table speckled with rain and salt forming rings; is that your heart losing its beats as you ponder the future and think "My past, my past...I have no past...just a wandering soul in a war with a world that offers me hostility in a glare".
Peng I, I ping things to you, but you're slick, untouchable, clever and crafty, long past the white willow's grasp
but I feel you're calling eternally for the hand that tears and rips; but what is a hand that only destroys
everything it never values? I think sometimes I see God as love and God as nothing, and God as a constant flux
with the cycle "Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds" and Peng it's a thing
we have to avoid; what are you Peng?
Speaker of words in metaphors and lines, Peng, or a conduit of change and chaos in a world that's a changin at our expense?


Hmm. Hope this helps, in some way. Happy NaPo Peng, thanks for all of the help.
  





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Wed Apr 13, 2011 3:59 pm
PenguinAttack says...



And here, Moses parted the sea

The sleeves slip against her wrists, they cover her finger
blades, the crippled lumps of her knuckles, jointless, raw.
I see the thick ridge of her nails crossing the bank of desk
between her mouth and mine.
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.
  





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Tue Apr 26, 2011 11:32 am
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PenguinAttack says...



apparently I'm not dead yet

In my dreams, you stand,
teeth loose in your jaw, cold spears
cutting through my lip.
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.
  





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Tue Apr 26, 2011 12:47 pm
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PenguinAttack says...



We cannot breathe

I found God on his apartment roof,
bare feet chipped on the pebble-stones.
His sheet was wrapped around the line,
cloud white against the sun-spotted sky
and torn in the left hand corner.

Between the slip of ragged ends, he sits
quiet, tongue pressed against his top lip.
This is his mother's home - two hands lying
flat against his knee - he sleeps without a mattress
at the foot of her bed.

Smoke rings clutter the space between
his mouth and mine, we are waiting again,
an intermittent break of humidity and sound,
of cicadas beating like hearts in drowsey heat.
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.
  





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Tue Apr 26, 2011 1:42 pm
PenguinAttack says...



Chat poems are poor poems, but they find homes here.

Language is the loose tongue of your aunt
tripping on the flip of double p's on the eve
of your sister's wedding - you're forgetting
when she spoke special silioquies to your
mother on your birthbed - she is your favourite,
still you're watching when her head is tipping,
while her lids are heavy, her breath is low.
The slur of yes and no and maybe, oh, oh.
Oh aunt, your grammar is losing in the air
stale and falling against the wall of your lips,
keep them in there, those too precious breaths.
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.
  





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Wed Apr 27, 2011 4:55 pm
PenguinAttack says...



Home

I have not heard one word from her,
though the horizon bleeds into the body
and her lips part, cloudless and yawning
orange kisses. Her hands are a wave
of crushing blue, foaming with the creature
comforts of danger. Whisked away,
her voice is motionless above our tallest tree
and echoes silence.
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.
  





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Wed Apr 27, 2011 5:12 pm
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PenguinAttack says...



Thin in the mountain peaks,
air changes and we are the steep
pause before Moses breathes
his belief in our eyes. Devotion,
our cataracts, (keep) burning slowly.
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.
  





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Thu Apr 28, 2011 1:35 pm
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PenguinAttack says...



Bukowski Redux: Beer
Out the hundreth window, my heels sit,
and I don't know how many
bottles of women - each one home brewed,
I have consumed. Waiting for the phone to ring,
for the sound of footsteps.
and the phone never rings.
The steps are always my own.


Edit: http://www.charlesbukowski.20m.com/bukowski_poems.html
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.
  





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Thu Apr 28, 2011 1:54 pm
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PenguinAttack says...



Bukowski Redux: Those girls we followed home

Two girls, Irene and Louise,
were the prettiest I'd ever seen.
Walking ten feet behind their silk
stockings, blouses, socks,
I felt my age. And too young for them,
for their pinned up curls, khol eyes.
My rough hand clamped around
my mouth, lips too dry and ripped,
wiping blood against my cheek.
No space between the slats of fences
to breathe, I was mute,
and followed them home.
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.
  








I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots; Her coat is one of the tabby kind,with tiger stripes and leopard spots.
— T.S. Eliot, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats