Young Writers Society

**EDITED**

Day 1, Poem 1

Form: Acrostic
Words of the Day: zeitgeist, bedizen

zeitgeist

Zoology serves to break us into species, groups,
Each with our own morphologies. Like ants,
Individuals merge and blur with larger things
That shift over continents, a living painting,
Gaudily bedizened with all manner of delights.
Every fragment has a name and place
In a larger scheme. We build walls between us,
Sectioning off reality into manageable parts.
This is the spirit of an age: to reduce, reduce.

Notes: This one went kind of weird. I'm trying to follow the same pattern of forms that I did last year (and to make it just that bit more difficult, I have to incorporate at least two Words-of-the-Day into the poem as well), so I got stuck with an acrostic even though I rather dislike them. Oh well. It was a good warm up.

Day 2, Poem 1

Form: Pantoum
Words of the Day: not used
Inspired by: Iva's Pantoum.

long-legged girl

You are the shadow of my shadow.
I am the child you race across summer,
beneath the bright sun like an opening flower.
You are the girl with longer legs than me.

I am the child you race across summer
hiding from monsters with our parents' voices.
You are the girl with longer legs than me;
always ahead of me, in the distance.

Hiding from monsters with our parents' voices
time stretches before us. You are
always ahead of me, in the distance,
and I am chasing you, like a bird.

Time stretches before us. You are
a girl with many faces
and I am chasing you like a bird.
I am trying to catch all the women you could be.

A girl with many faces
You are trailing home behind you.
I am trying to catch all the women you could be,
like a reflection, always moving.

You are trailing home behind you
beneath the bright sun, like an opening flower.
Like a reflection, always moving,
you are the shadow of my shadow.

Notes: This took me hours, and I'm still not happy with it. I decided to forgo the daily words today, because pantoums suck at the best of times. I also dropped the rhyme scheme, because ew.

Your quest it a noble one. I envy you for your experimentalism.

The pantoum has a lot of potential. I specifically like lines like "I am trying to catch all the women you could be". I just wish that this particular idea you're trying to convey here wasn't tethered to the clunky bones of a structure. And good idea dropping the rhyme scheme. The poem would have been considerably more ungainly. Otherwise, I think that you did a good job with April 2.

-Kylan

I loff your poetry Bubbles. You should share more often.

Thanks Kylan. I mostly fail at formal poetry, so I look at NaPo as a way to try to stretch myself a bit. I love what can be done with Pantoums - when they're done right, they can be fabulous, but sadly I find it hard to work with the repetition. Oh well. I shall persevere!

I loff your poetry too Jigster

Speaking of poetry. Today is Limerick Day!

Day 3, Poems 1-4

Form: Limerick
Words of the Day: poltergeist, slake

There once was a man named Jake
Whose thirst he never could slake;
He drank all the water
from most every quarter
'Til he finally drowned in the lake.


A young poltergeist called Fred
Refused to believe he was dead.
He got up every day
And went on his way
Causing the folks on his bus much dread.


There once was a woman named Alice
Who wanted to live in a palace
So she painted her walls
And held wondrous balls.
A pity she lived in the cellars.


There once was a yellow balloon
That dreamed it could fly to the moon.
It cast off it's line
And all seemed to go fine
Save the poor thing popped much too soon.

Notes

I'm not including the last one I wrote, because of swearing XD I love limericks. They're kind of a cop-out, as far as poetry goes, but they're fun and bouncy and silly and fortunately just fit my mood today, so. Yes. There they are. Sestinas tommorrow, so I shall be serious once again.

Day 4, Poem 1

Form: Sestina
Words of the Day: Not used
Inspired by: This poem and Bursting Through by Bic Runga (listen to it here).

concerto

[removed for submission]

Notes: For a poem written in a difficult form at 4am, this isn't too bad. There are parts I want to edit properly, eventually, but I think with a bit of work I could be quite proud of this one.

You should be proud of it. It's an excellent piece. A little long-winded, maybe, but it has a great taste to it. The story is muted, but strongly present, and lines like "She is curved over the bow like a mouth/closing over secrets" are phenomenal. Keep up the good work.

-Kylan

Thanks, Kylan. I've done some editing (I couldn't resist tinkering with it) and I think I've smoothed out some of the rougher patches that were bothering me. One of the problems I always have with the Sestina is by the time I get to the fifth and sixth verses the imagery is wearing a bit thin. Hopefully the alterations I've made have lessened that somewhat.

**EDITED**

Day 5, Poems 1-3

Form: Etheree
Words of the Day: Not used

we three kings

I. single (reverse)

The earth spins round. In the park, a child
runs with a kite beneath the trees. It
is red and white. The sun is from
the East like myrrh and old spice
limns the trees. We breathe in.
The air is hot ash.
His parents stand
watching: two
statues.
Still.


II. double

We
ravel
and reverse.
'Round the corner
one moment ago
I am eating ice cream
in a blue dress. There is a
strawberry on the front. Red is
always the colour of these things – it
is a bright thread, woven through memory.
History is made up of veins like ropes
that run backwards. Children playing on
the grass, now adults by the trees,
now old men and women in
parked cars by the path
watching their lives
reverse and
ravel
us.


III. single (straight)

Let
the light
develop
and it will curve
like the edge of a
candle or a blade. We
walk hip deep in the remnants
of frankincense, with the star at
our backs. From a hill we watch our blood
run away from us, into a red sun.

Notes: I like the Etheree; it's simple, but it requires a lot of thought. Usually I do more than one, because it's so short, so when I found that you could reverse it, mirror it, double it and so on...I decided to have some fun. I kind of like this, and I kind of don't. It doesn't say what I intended it to say in the beginning, and I would like to smooth it out a little, but I don't want to do any more editing right now so I thought I'd post it here as is.

Hi, Bubblewrapped! ^_^ I enjoyed the thoughts behind your april first poem, especially as you got to the close, where you added 'This is the spirit of an age: to reduce, reduce'. I thought that was beautiful and summed it up nicely, to the point that you didn't even need the last line.

I love the form of the pantoum, and especially the line 'I am trying to catch all the women you could be.'. It seemed to really sum up this poem for april second, but one of the things that I thought made the form stick out was that you used a lot of lines that simply said 'this is what you are', instead of describing. I understand it might have been hard to fit with the form, or maybe even required of the form, but I felt like moving into a different kind of description would have helped keep my interest in this poem where I felt there was a lot of potential.

I liked the limericks because they all seemed to have a slightly dark background to them. It's something that could seem just odd and funny, but if you reflect on it a little bit, it's a little more sad. ^_^ Really nice, though some of the meter seemed off sometimes.

As for april fourth, I didn't like the line 'Her mouth
is not for kisses now' or the idea of the room being cello-shaped.

I did like the idea of 'her mouth is a bow, taut around the secrets of the studio', though, and though the repetition was hard to slog through, I agree that it can probably be fixed to be something more accessible and great! ^_^

I really liked the first two etherees, though the second one was my favorite, because it seemed like it had a lot more room and time to connect with me. I loved the premise and the description and sometimes the ambiguity.

I'll be following this thread. ^___^

-Hannah-

Interesting etherees. Like Hannah, I prefer the first two. The third...maybe a little too simple. The opening lines were a little too declarative and blunt for me. In your first, I lovelovelove the simile comparing the sun to myrrh, but you got carried away and tacked on another, qualifying simile that completely decimated the loveliness of the first. Get rid of this:

"like incense,
catching the edges of
the scene like a flame."

I look forward to tomorrow.

-Kylan

I always feel strange commenting after others, unsure whether I'm simply going to be repeating them or not. Even so, I thought I should let you know that I absolutely LOVED your poetry, and I can't wait to read more. I love how you are so adept at switching styles and how you so beautifully work with each. Keep it up!

Day 6, Poems 1-3

Form: Triolet
Words of the Day: Not used
Inspired by: Tip o' the hat to Bic Runga, Shakespeare, Thomas Hardy and Emily Dickinson.


listening for the weather

I lie here listening for the rain;
they said that it would come today,
and soon you would be home again.
I lie here listening for the rain.
There's silence at the windowpane –
the weather stops while you're away.
I lie here listening for the rain.
They said that it would come today.


love's labours lost

How great this grief, the maiden cried,
since love became a memory –
a thoughtless casualty of pride.
How great this grief? The maiden cried.
She had not wept since her love died;
when she found her lot in penury,
how great this grief! The maiden cried
since love became a memory.


because he could not stop for me

I stand at last beneath the trees;
I wait to feel his long embrace.
The light is fading by degrees.
I stand. At last, beneath the trees,
I hear his hoofbeats on the breeze.
Before Death's white, illumined face
I stand at last. Beneath the trees
I wait to feel his long embrace.


Notes: That last one is depressing, but I enjoyed playing with the reader's expectations. I also blame Emily Dickinson, whose fault it totally is. Speaking of, today is apparently count-the-literary-allusions day. The triolet is such an endearing form, though, I could not resist doing more than one.

Thanks for your comments, all; especially Navita - you brightened my day

Day 7, Poem 1

Form: Terza Rima
Words of the Day: Not used

Penelope regrets

Penelope at forty-one regrets
her days spent idling in the sun.
She does what everyone expects:

she mows the lawn, she gets things done.
Her husband is the one who works.
He likes his job, and she has fun.

Staying at home does have its perks;
she gets to eat the food she bakes.
She never sees the thing that lurks

beneath the icing on her cakes
or in the way she butters toast
(that subtle way her knife-hand shakes

when carving up the roast).
Penelope is getting old.
They bring her letters in the post.

Sometimes she lets the meat grow cold
to sit and savour in her chair
the slice of life each page unfolds.

In the morning she inspects her hair
for every tell-tale streak of grey.
Her husband tells her fondly there

aren't many more than that first day
he met her. She will kiss his cheek
and watch him on his way.

Penelope is never bleak,
never throws a coin to make a wish.
She meets the book club every week.

Each night she makes a different dish.
And if sometimes in sleep, she calls a name
that still escapes her, like a fish

into dark water, it is still the same.
She never finds the woman who is to blame.

Notes: Oh my god. I HATE rhyming forms, I swear. This just did not want to work. I tried to make it stay in the iambic pentameter but eventually gave up and let the poem do what it felt like doing. So, there you are. At least it's finished now.

Overall, I liked this poem. Yes, same as you, I don't like rhyming poetry - it's hard to be original, and easy to come up with the same old cliche rhymes - but what I have to say here is: I loved that your rhymes, for the most part, were fresh and original ideas, but I did not agree with losing the rhythm to keep the rhyme. First off - the beginning line has too many syllables, and I think you know this already. Penelope is not the best name in the world to use - short-long-short is a very strange syllabic structure for a word, and even weirder is trying to put it in a rhyming verse. However, you pull it off nicely in lines like 'Penelope is never bleak' - nice ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da going on there. I think you're trying too hard with the 'still escapes her like a fish' and I didn't really like the last couple of lines, either - strange rhythm there too.

However, as with all your poetry, I am amazed you are able to write in so many different styles and pull it off so well, and I look forward to reading the rest!