Young Writers Society

*writewatiwant* wrote:April's 27

I'm able to see
by Kat

I woke up this morning,
ready for a new day.
Who could have believed,
that you would cross my way?

[I like this part. You have good rhyme, I know what's happening and it isn't confusing. Some poets try to use fancy long words, but they don't fin in, and the rhythm is thrown off.]

It's good to see you again,
after something close as a year.
It's nice I have found you,
Now, it is all so clear.

[Close as a year? I don't think that fits - it's longer than the rest of the paragraph too. I also think that you should change 'it is' to 'it's' mainly because of the flow. You disrupt it there - you see? You want to write poetry so it's easy to read - don't be all stiff by using long versions of abbreviations. Example: Do not go down there! If you do then be aware! In opposition to: Don't go down there. If you do then beware!]

I can finally see
all the wrong I've done.
My life, my dreams,
have been given to no one. [I was thrown off by the last two lines here. The thrid was too short, and the last was too long. 'My life, my dreams' is only four syllables, how as 'have been given to no one' is seven. Try and even it out!]

As I cry on your grave, love,
such pain, believe me,
you have opened my eyes,
to all that I'm able to see.[To all that I'm able to see? I would suggest getting rid of the 'all' in that last line. Otherwise, it was a very effective poem. I had to think about what you meant at the end though. Why haven't you seen him for as long as a year? I suppose you could have been grieving. Well - it was an unexpected twist!
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And one last thing... you spelt believe wrong ont he second line of the first paragraph. Just thought I should point that out!]