Young Writers Society

Haha, this might say I am posting this on April 12th, but it is midnight right now, so, technically, it is April 12th, but not to me! I am not too late!

April 11th

Deep

I look up,
at the glittering stars,
shining down,
upon my face.

I look at those stars,
and the moon,
harboring questions,
of the human race.

Alas,
I am too young,
to think,
about those things;

The universe smiles
back at me
with it's never ending
rings.

I know the last stanzas line-breaks are questionable... if you have any suggestions about that, they would be very welcomed!

o_O snap, peanut. We both wrote about the same thing today - must be going around XD Nice poem The last stanza is a bit abrupt, as you said; you could try adding "with its neverending/[something and] rings" in there to coax out a few more syllables, depending if you find something appropriate to add.

Cheers,
~bubbles

Hey peanut! I'm here, as requested. I'm envious of you, because you got to participate. I was too late when I found out.
Anyway, you poem is delightful! I have only three comments.
~I think that in the third stanza you have a comma that doesn't need to be there, on the third line. I think it sounds better that way.
~ Now, I think there's a comma missing on the last stanza, on the second line.
~ On the last stanza, as mentioned by bubble, you should add more syllables to the last line.

That's it! See you around!
If you want more reviews, stop by my thread again ^^
*Kat*

I wrote this one quick! It is pouring where I am, so I produced this hideous piece of poetry;

I watch the rain
tumble down
the windows
and fall.

I smell the ground,
wet and drenched,
grass, dirt,
and all.

My head buzzes,
with the sound of rain,
mingling with,
the storm's final call.

Edit; You were right Mizz Iceburg, the commas were slowing down the flow... thanks

This is a little thank- you post that goes out to everyone that has read my NaPo, or reviewed/ critiqued it... there is more to come!

[spoiler]Happy Easter [/spoiler]

Here is one that I wrote while crossing a pass over a mountain;

The snow whips the windshield,
trying to penetrate
the withstanding glass;

As we move on
ever so slowly
through the snowy glacier pass.


I know, it is very short, but I like it... although... now that I look at it... it seems a little kiddish

I really like the last one. It rouses some very pleasant memories.

On thing I'd like to point out:

I watch the rain,
tumble down,
the windows,
and fall.

I think if you get rid of the commas in that stanza, it'll run more smoothly.
Like this:
I watch the rain
tumble down
the windows
and fall.

You don't have to have commas in this stanza. Without them the stanza is grammatically correct and runs more smoothly.
I really that poem overall though. Your poetry is simple, but rouses strong memories and emotions. Good job!


-Zehra

Sorry, I kind of forgot to post this yesterday... he he

I try to review,
I try to keep up,
but everyone pulls ahead.

I have to get off,
and do my homework,
and then just go to bed.

Here is a poem about YWS!

Ha ha, I wrote this about two seconds ago on a piece of stray paper...

I write the words,
whirling in my head
and engrave them greatly
onto the soft paper;

The pencil digs in
and I feel my power
only a power you can feel
as a writer.

My eraser doesn't work
because the words
are engraved in my mind, too,
forever.

I only went by what I was doing at that particular moment.... I think it turned out well, which I normally do not say about my [s]terrible[/s] other pieces.

OK, again, I forgot to post this poem yesterday... mostly because I wrote it and then couldn't find it, but I found it today!

4/ 16

Education,
is all you need,
to live life full
and to exceed.

This statement,
not all think is true
that includes
me.

Education
is very important
in society's rights,
and needs.

Yet you do not need it
to live life
to it's fullest,
and to most of all,
succeed.

I don't know... I don't agree one way or the other, for this is a very strong topic to write about.

4/17

My weary eyes,
drift to a close,
and sleep drifts around me.

I look at my glass,
and take a sip,
of warm beddy- by time tea.

I know, terrible right?

Both of these are really not the greatest pieces I've ever done... but a poem is a poem

Sorry I keep posting every other day, I keep forgetting...

4/ 18

What should I do?
I'm all askew
when it comes to writing poetry
every day

I love YWS
it's the best
but it's all I can do
not to go away

I know... absolutely terrible.

A [s]true[/s] funny poem about math.

4/ 19

Roar,
my homework is due
tomorrow.

More;
the teacher gives more too,
much to my great sorrow.


Math;
it's all I can do not to scream
when it is time.

Wrath;
I have an unraveling seam
because math, to me, is slime.

Wow. I'm really turning into a slacker. Here are the ones for the last five days;
I wrote this one in one of my book characters perspectives... it's definitely not me!

4/ 20

Blackness surrounds me,
on my clothes
hair
shoes.

Reflects me
in personality
soul
attitude.

I can't change
not now
I
can't.

Yet she guides me
through the dark
to
light.


OK this next one I just thought of. I meant for it to rhyme, and I did, but I did a horrid job with it.

4/21

The olden days, the time of joys,
are ever- lost,
with age.

When we were young, with lots of toys,
and now the cost
is age.

Getting older, much more coy,
and now the frost
covers the sage.

4/22

my back aches
my head bakes
with the heat of thought

the words I write
are infants,
not ready to be on their own

it kills me to see
what writing can be
but I have to do this

I am a writer

Normally, I don't write poetry that atrocious. Sorry if I burned your eyes.

4/23

It hard
to write
with two

you fight
a lot
too

but in the end
it is worth every bend
of feelings we had do

This might not make sense, but it is because I am writing a book with someone. It is hard! Way harder than it looks, and it looks hard.

4/ 24

The pain is big
and doesn't go away
not for a long time

I know I'll get by
eventually
but it will be hard until then

why did it happen?
Was it meant to be?
I don't know.

I wish I hadn't
broken my finger.

The pain is big
and doesn't go away
not for a long time

I know I'll get by
eventually
but it will be hard until then

why did it happen?
Was it meant to be?
I don't know.

I know I repeated, but it seemed necessary to me... I thought it was funny too.

OK, here are the last ones! Thank God I finished :D:D:D:D:D:D



4/25

I write with a steady hand
no matter what it is
even if I shouldn't.

The truth must be told
in one way or another
and I cannot
suppress it.

Writing.

I know I wrote a lot about writing, but that's a fun topic with me.

4/26

Motivation
comes not easily
everyday
and night.

The computer sighs
because the late night work
keeps it from sleeping
again.

4/27

Crafty and sneaky
comes much
in life.

Many say
things will come to you
but it is not so.

What to write next?
I don't know.

That one was absolutely terrible. But! At this point, I really don't look at the quality. The motivation was running extremely low.

4/28

Each type of poetry,
styles of writing,
which should I choose
today?

I try to decide
between freehand
and tritina
but freehand wins
every time.

4/29

The flames flicker in the firelight:

shadows dance upon the wall.

Stories are wound, with words so delicate, in the gentle waltz of night.

The smell of books linger in the air of the library room;

and the face, Oh the face, looms over my shoulder, threatening,

Should I take you? Yes.

Engulf, he shall, the dead. But I am not gone yet.

No not yet: the story has ended.





I have no idea. My go at a serious poem; I imagined a storyteller sitting in a rocking chair in an old library, only lit by a fire. I might put that in a book...



4/30

The last day!
Hooray!
I feel I've only just begun,
the challenge.

It is over now,
and I hold success
in my palm
for I have finished.

Thank you YWS
for making this happen,
and the great people I've met.

I cannot thank you
quite enough
for all you have done.

Thank you YWS! Love you all for making this place happen; it's inspired me to finally sit my butt down and write!