Young Writers Society

I think this doesn't count as a prologue. Sorry. If you want to use this type of prologue, fine. Don't say I didn't warn you though.

Griffin, I think that's crossing the line to call it a "fake prologue". Sure, you might disagree as to what YOUR opinion believes a prologue should be, but dreaming_mouse, in her outline for the story, believes this to be okay. I know you are trying to help, but this might be how she wants it - every story isn't the same. There isn't a formula for a prologue, it changes each time.

Calling someone else's prologue "fake", however, is not right. There's something called respecting someone else's opinion, especially in regards to something they've created.

I've edited the post according to your recommendations Firestarter.

Wow... this has become popular. For a second, I must admit, I thought I may have my chapter one comments on this story and vice versa, which would have been quite embarrassing.

Okay, I don't think I explained myself very well. When I say underdeveloped, most of the time it means that you could describe your characters a little bit better without having it seem totally corny. You're right in being worried that more character description can sink a story, but I think that just a little bit will turn this into something special.

And there's another thing I want to say. I love the way the characters are expanded on in the prologue, so I can see that you are skilled with characters. However, you did seem a little -- how should I say this? -- cautious about expanding on your character. Almost as if you're so afraid to reveal to your reader about your thoughts on the story and would rather just slowly introduce them.

Even so, that's a common misconception with writers. They wish to draw in the reader with their character and plan on developing this character later. However, this is false. From the very beginning (Rei, don't laugh at me, I'm trying!) a character should have character. There should be reasons for why a character does something, some hopes and dreams, and passion. From the very beginning you should have this. The trick is, with developing a character, to change these aspirations or deepen them.

I have a problem with doing this (just ask Rei ). And I know I should know better, but I do it all the same. I have such a great knowledge of the character, such a deep understanding, that I write obscure things about the character that only I would know, and the reader ends up coming back to me and saying, "I didn't understand this." Or, "Um... what importance does this have in the story?" And I, being the impatient soul I am, end up wanting to yell at them until realizing that they were right and I didn't explain myself. At all.

It's a very common mistake, so don't worry. I do it all the time, and I've seen other writers do it here too. You're a lot better than me, but you did trip up once. I thought that the girl in this prologue was Reina, but at a later point in time (which is one reason why Reina's character didn't make sense to me). The only time when you did mention that this girl was named Sam was in your comments.

That, more than anything, is making the transition between the prologue and the first chapter rather strange. Perhaps Damien can mention Sam's name?

Oops! Now I'm really confused. Don't worry, that happens often...

Don't worry. Ask any writer here who likes well-developed characters, and you'll find that they have done the same thing. And we're only seventeen. Simplicity in writing is not something you learn overnight, so hopefully we'll get better at it, eh?

Well, that's another common problem for those of us who are still learning. Please forgive my assumptions.