Young Writers Society

Two missions. That's how it started on that very Sunday. For two missions to be completed but only one got to be operated. Now as he looked at her lying in that hospital bed, he regretted doing his.

"Andre Michaels?"

He looked up at the nurse, with that same distant facial expression that would hurt her, every time she came inside the room.

"Someone is here to see you," she informed, not making any eye contact

Before she left, she watched as the dark-skinned boy held onto the girl's hand. The girl's hair covered her head, with it's ends flowing down on the bed. Her hand lay on the boy's lap, being caressed by his hands. She was beautiful with her caramel skin and soft lips. It was as if she was a saved princess when he carried her here; the blood on her arm staining his hands with tears pouring down his face

"It's all my fault," he kept whispering.

The nurse finally left and in came Andre's mother and the girl's brother, Dean. Andre didn't lift up his eyes but stopped caressing the girl's hands. He stood up, kissed her on the forehead, and whispered to her "I love you"

Dean made his way towards Andre and took him by the neck. Andre didn't flinch with the fury present in Dean's eyes and let out an exhausted sigh. His mother tried to take him out of Dean's grasp but he was too strong.

"This is all your fault. Now..she's-"

"I know" Tears stung Andre's eyes

"No you don't know! You knew nothing about her! Now she's-"

"I did know her. But not for long since she's..."

They both couldn't utter the word but simultaneously they whispered it.

"Dead"

Very rarely do I get to review prologues and I'm glad I haven't caught this book mid way through - it can sometimes be hard to catch up!

AngelKnight900 wrote:When in the hell will I never need prayer?, he asked himself and then laughed at it. Prayer did nothing but take my mother away

AngelKnight900 wrote:Andre was a rookie but he had potential. He kept his head high during the initiation but he was expected to get a promotion.

Info dump. I'd consider expanding this a little.

That's all really in terms of nitpicks but I'm not sure why this is a prologue. Expand it sufficiently and it would be perfect for a first chapter! The last comment I have is that you need to remember to show, not tell. If you're getting confused on it then follow the link here. It should tell you all you need to know!

Keep writing,
Icy.

I am very intrigued by your prologue. I am interested as to who these people are, how the girl died and the circumstances of which caused her death. My only nitpick is this:

They both couldn't utter the word but simultaneously they whispered it.

It would be better if you revised the wording of this sentence as utter and whisper are pretty much the same thing. Other than that, an awesome prologue. It's not that often that I get to review such things.
I will be interested to now when chapter one will be released if it hasn't already been done so.
Five out of five all the way.
-jaetwee.

This is great. I'm not good with pointing out grammatical errors or things like that, but as far as I see there aren't any. I like how your prologue is already emotional. with the girl dead, and with Andre blaming it on himself, it makes you want to know what happened to her, and what Andre might have done to make it happen. I can't wait to read more peace