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Forgotten Diety ( Prologue)



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Sat May 10, 2008 3:30 am
Fall_Into_The_Sky says...



Adeline’s fingers trailed the banister. It was coarse and faded, no longer as gleaming as the day they arrived. But that was many years past, back then she saw her father daily. She still remembered the sent of his cologne, and the way his arms held her. One day all that changed. Adeline was sliding down the banister on her 10th birthday, but this time when she pivoted to the floor she was soaked. As she stood up her eyes traveled to the puddle. Her dress smeared with blood clinged to scrawny legs. She started crying because her blue lace dress was ruined. Two little feet slumped towards the kitchen. Pushing the door open, it stopped half way. Angrily she shoved it and it banged against something. The door creaked open and she peaked inside.


The whole town heard her scream that day. Daddy was lying on the kitchen floor and huge pool of blood around him. His daughter hurried to his side and shook him.


“Daddy, please wake up! It’s me Adeline! The game’s over, Daddy! It’s not funny anymore!”


But he never woke up. He didn’t wake up when she shook him. Nor did he when the medics pried her from his lifeless body. She screamed at him as the ambulance pulled away. Her mother held her back. At the last instant she broke free from her grasp and ran after him. That’s where the scar came from. The faster the ambulance drove the faster her little legs took her. But as it turned the corner the lunged for the metal ladder attached to its back. She missed and landed face down in the gravel.


The angel had been too late to save him.
Last edited by Fall_Into_The_Sky on Mon May 12, 2008 5:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The only wrong love is only one never felt.
Live to day as if your would die tomorrow.
Love like you know no other, dream as if they'd come true, hope because you can reach the stars.
  





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Sat May 10, 2008 4:25 am
~Volant~ says...



I liked this!! I liked this very much! It seemed a little rushed, but it's a good beginning.

Fall_Into_The_Sky wrote: “Daddy, please wake up.!” “It’s me Adeline. The game’s over daddy. It’s not funny anymore.”


A little colony of grammatcial mistakes here, mate.

I would suggest:

“Daddy, please wake up! It’s me Adeline! The game’s over, Daddy! It’s not funny anymore!”

But I really liked this. Good job!
Where are we going?
  





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Sat May 10, 2008 3:44 pm
Fall_Into_The_Sky says...



in the later chapters it explains the prologue a bit
I'll post more soon
The only wrong love is only one never felt.
Live to day as if your would die tomorrow.
Love like you know no other, dream as if they'd come true, hope because you can reach the stars.
  





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Sat May 10, 2008 5:51 pm
Jesse says...



The story got my attention right away. You got some talent :). But the first paragraph i found you rushed into her dads death to quickly. You could do a little more explaining whats going on in present time before saying "But that was many years past, back then she saw her father daily."
  





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Sat May 10, 2008 5:51 pm
Angel of Death says...



Wow Fallen this was a very powerful start, it was very sad. I really can't wait to read more.
True love, in all it’s celestial charm, and
star-crossed ways, only exist in a writer’s
mind, for humans have not yet learned
how to manifest it.
  





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Sat May 10, 2008 5:56 pm
angelicahandover says...



Haha. Hey, thanks!

I just woke up thanks to this story! :)

This really grabbed my attention. It seemed rushed, but it was good. Seriously. ^^

I loved it! :)
Love, a wondrous power that Science can't explain.
  








"While we may come from different places and speak in different tongues, our hearts beat as one."
— Albus Dumbledore