Young Writers Society

So to start off, as this is an episodic kind of thing, I thought I'd post it here...

Part 1

The kid stumbled through the forest, frightened, alone, and hungry. He ran as fast as he could, and, after much tripping and stumbling, arrived at a clearing. It was oval in shape, and had three trees in the shape of a triangle in the center of it. He looked around. This was nothing like anything he'd ever seen. Then he heard an explosion and turned to see a house on the outside of the oval. The explosion blew a hole in the roof, and a middle aged man clad in hiking boots, jeans, and a red flannel shirt ran out, coughing and wheezing. The boy immediately sensed a lumberjack. He'd heard stories of their cunning and sly tactics. Or was that ninjas? Never the less, he looked at the man, who tripped over a rock and face planted. He writhed about, coughing violently. The rock unfolded two arms and floated up. A Geodude! No way! A second explosion blew out another portion of the roof. Then he stood up.

"Rakkin' frakkin' chemistry! That's what I get fer fiddlin' with what ought not be fiddled with! ."

Then he saw the boy.

"Oy! What're you doin' here? This is private property! Get outta here!"

"S-sir! I'm lost in this forest...I was running to catch up with the other trainers and I guess...I guess I got lost... "

The weak voice trailed off and the man looked up and arched an eyebrow. He walked inside and grabbed a Pokeball before opening it.

"Hydro Pump, Sheila."

The immense red Gyrados began blasting water at the smoldering portions of the house. He walked towards the boy, who now had been reduced to a small heap. He warily poked the boy with the toe of his boot.

"What do you want?"

He was half talking, half crying. The old man flashed back to the day Professor Oak had given him a Chimchar at the Infinita City Pokemon Convention. He smiled fondly and helped the kid up.

"Return, Sheila. So, kid, what're you doing all the way out here?"

He wiped is nose on the sleeve of his shirt.

"I just got my starter from the Convention and I wanted to catch up with the other trainers and I guess I'm lost..."

They walked towards the house when a Pidgeot carrying an Infernape on its back.

"Ah, Flying Rat, Sparky, I see you've returned. How was your excursion?"

They nodded gravely and perched in a tree.

"Those Pokemon! They're yours?"

The boy could not believe it.

"Yep. I don't think it's right to restrain them in a Pokeball. I prefer to let the ones that can roam free roam free. But some of them, like Sheila, can't live outside of a Pokeball where there's no water."

They walked up some old steps, which were crumbling from the years of abuse. They passed a few Tangela hiding in the flower beds, and two young Nidorino wrestled playfully. A Snorlax lay near the edge of the clearing, and a group of Pidgey rousted atop its rotund belly. The boy noticed more and more Pokemon. He looked up and saw a Hypno standing in a yoga like stance high atop the house's chimney, one foot resting on the knee of the other. The one footed position looked precarious, and made the boy nervous. He was amazed by the variety of Pokemon the man had.

"So what starter did you choose?"

The boy fumbled about on his belt for a Pokeball before holding it up proudly.

"A Mudkip!"

The man stopped, and saw the massive Swampert send a powerful blast of water at his Infernape, he could see Jack and the others look on in terror, the chaos enveloping them all. He and Locke, side by side, taking on that traitorous bastard. He shook the thought from his head. It was a long time ago, and he should have forgotten it by now. Yet he could not.

"Mister?"

He spun around and examined the little Pokemon.

"An excellent choice! Although you might want to start using one of these."

He pulled a bandolier off a wall and handed it to the boy.

"This'll make it easier for you to access your Pokemon."

He continued to walk, and then the boy saw it. Through a massive hole in the wall, he saw a hallway lined with shelves, and on those shelves there were hundreds of Pokeballs. Each one had a Pokemon's name inscribed in it. The boy could not help but be impressed.

THE END (of this part, anyways)

The moon was full that night, and it seemed to have affected the city folk immensely. They stumbled around, enjoying themselves by drunk dialing various people in their Pokegears. Three men clad in blood red suits with gold accents strutted through the crowd. The tallest and burliest of the 3 spat.

"I hate Goldenrod..."

They continued walking until they were down a dark alley. A slim, tall man leaned against the side of a building, smoking a cigarette, its brightly glowing cherry casting a dim red glow across his face.

"Hey fellas. I see you got here unharmed."

The burly one looked at the slim one, a singular vein in his neck bulging out.

"What do you want? I ain't got all damn day."

The slim one stood and walked slowly towards the group of three.

"Here. Take this. There's a bar in Jubilife City called 'The Tipsy Turtwig'. Show it to Mike, the bartender. Follow his instructions."

The burly one could handle it no longer. He stepped forward and grabbed the slim one by the collar and lifted him up to his eye height.

"Why're you sending us on this wild goose chase? Hm? I'm gettin' tired of it!"

The slim one's feet twitched before the right foot shot up and contacted the burly one's testicles. He collapsed to the ground. The slim one stooped over and now grabbed the burly one by the collar. He looked him straight in the eye.

"Don't question it. That isn't your line of work. You just do what I say. Understood?"

The burly one nodded.

"Good. Now, I'm gonna give a gift that'll help you remember to do what you're told, when you're told."

He removed the cigarette from his mouth and pressed the glowing hot cherry into the burly one's face. He howled in pain as the slim one let him go. As the other two huddled around their comrade, the slim man simply strode off into the wild Goldenrod night.
_________________________________________________________________________________

The vast ceiling of the forest lay calm and undisturbed, when, suddenly, a man and a young boy on a massive Pidgeot burst through the top of the canopy, twigs and leaves shooting off in a multitude of directions. The boy clung for dear life.

"WHERE'RE WE GOING?"

The boy screamed over the howling air.

"COLDSTONE!"

The older man said.

"SAY, KID, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?"

"YOU CAN CALL ME JEFF! WHAT'S YOURS?"

"SVEN!"

The rest of the brief flight was silent. At last they landed in a modest city that was blanketed with a coating of grey snow. Jeff headed off to the Pokecenter while the older man headed to an apartment building. He took the elevator up, found the room he was looking for, and knocked 3 times. The door slowly creaked open.

"Sven! Long time no see!"

The two men embraced. Sven walked in.

"So. How's it been, Gold?"

MORE TO COME SOON!

The kid stumbled through the forest, frightened, alone, and hungry.

So as a hook this isn't very catchy. Describe the kid, the forest he's running through, the stabbing pains in his stomach from not having eaten. You get the idea .

He ran as fast as he could, and, after much tripping and stumbling, arrived at a clearing. It was oval in shape, and had three trees in the shape of a triangle in the center of it. He looked around. This was nothing like anything he'd ever seen. Then he heard an explosion and turned to see a house on the outside of the oval. The explosion blew a hole in the roof, and a middle aged man clad in hiking boots, jeans, and a red flannel shirt ran out, coughing and wheezing.

This is a whole lot of telling, and no showing, and a bit of an information dump, I can't really get a clear picture of wht you're trying to describe. Try reading it over and slowing it down a little, you're going a bit fast, we don't even know the kid's name and there's already things blowing up .

The boy immediately sensed a lumberjack. He'd heard stories of their cunning and sly tactics. Or was that ninjas?

Alright, instead of saying he 'sensed' the guy being a lumberjack, why not put it a differerent way, saying he sensed it doesn't really make, no pun intended, sense. Also what's with the mistaking ninjas for lumberjacks o_O?

"S-sir! I'm lostin this forest...I was running trying to catch up with the other trainers and I guess...I guess I got lost... "

He was half talking, half crying.

Who is speaking here?

Also let me point out that you really shouldn't reply to your own things, it was already in the 'works with one review' list and now it will have one, but it will show you have to, so you kind of cheated yourself. Next time, just add it into the first post, and just say you added more to it, or just post another part.

The moon was full that night, and it seemed to have affected the city folk immensely. They stumbled around, enjoying themselves by drunk dialing various people in their Pokegears

Okay, just...what??

"I hate Goldenrod..."

Okay so you might want to point out that this guy is talking about a city, and not a flower.

"Hey fellas. I see you got here unharmed."

The burly one looked at the slim one, a singular vein in his neck bulging out.

"What do you want? I ain't got all damn day."

The slim one stood and walked slowly towards the group of three.

"Here. Take this. There's a bar in Jubilife City called 'The Tipsy Turtwig'. Show it to Mike, the bartender. Follow his instructions."

The burly one could handle it no longer. He stepped forward and grabbed the slim one by the collar and lifted him up to his eye height.

"Why're you sending us on this wild goose chase? Hm? I'm gettin' tired of it!"

The slim one's feet twitched before the right foot shot up and contacted the burly one's testicles. He collapsed to the ground. The slim one stooped over and now grabbed the burly one by the collar. He looked him straight in the eye.

"Don't question it. That isn't your line of work. You just do what I say. Understood?"

The burly one nodded.

"Good. Now, I'm gonna give a gift that'll help you remember to do what you're told, when you're told."

He removed the cigarette from his mouth and pressed the glowing hot cherry into the burly one's face. He howled in pain as the slim one let him go. As the other two huddled around their comrade, the slim man simply strode off into the wild Goldenrod night.

This whole bit is extremely awkward, read it over, and try reading it out loud that usually helps me pinpoint the things that are hard to understand or things that seem out of place.

Overall the story needs a bit of tweaking, it's a little flat and confusing, and feels like you're just trying to get the story out and don't really care about the details. But it has potential, and I hope I helped at least somewhat. Feel free to PM me with any questions about the review .

Good luck, and don't forget to review!

~Hope

Eek! I adore Pokemon. Though I stopped watching the episodes after 151 Pokemon... I suck, I know.

Anyway, by episodic, do you mean a bunch of short stories relating to Pokemon? If so, you're kind of awesome! Anyway, I was a bit confused... I think your man and young boy in your first post were related to the guys in the second part of the second post? In any case, I would really like to see t he old man's character drawn out a bit. Also, and this might just be me being very picky, but having watched Ash Ketchum when he was completely new, he was young... but he still had character and could think for himself... if he tried. Right now, your young boy seems a bit too young, as if he's 6 instead of 12. So play around with that!

Good luck!