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The Boy who was very wise



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Sat Oct 08, 2011 7:59 am
Hecatia10 says...



Spoiler! :
A Brothers Grimm etc styled fairy-tale/ story-with-a-moral I wrote for fun after reading the wonderful 'Enchantress form the stars' By Sylvia Engdahl. A good bit of styling practice too :) Did I manage to keep the style the whole way through? Also, I'm trying to work on humour in writing so tell me If you got a laugh!


Once upon a time there was a woodcutter who had four sons. The youngest brother was named Sameth and he was very wise. One day the woodcutter found that his back was terribly sore and so he asked Sameth to help him cut the week's wood. However, being very wise, Sameth answered; “I cannot perform this task for you.” When his father asked why he replied “I cannot deprive you of the stretching and exercise that is known to help sore backs heal.”
Because the woodcutter knew his son to be wise, he listened to Sameth’s advice and returned to work.


The next week he again asked Sameth to cut the wood, yet once more his son had words of wisdom to bestow, “I cannot cut the wood father,” he said. “A truly good son could not deprive his own father the work that provides for his family. It would be dishonourable and devious”.
“You are indeed wise” his father agreed, and went to chop the wood himself.


On the third week, the woodchopper said “Son, I have thought much about your wisdoms and I see them to be true” Sameth smiled and was pleased that his father believed his words. His father continued; “Today the markets come to town and I know it is your most beloved event of the year. As you are aware, only one can go and it is customary for it to be you”.
“Why it is, my dear father, and I cannot wait to go” Sameth replied.
However his father responded; “There is no need, for I have taken heed of your wise advice. It is a long walk and I know you would not deprive me the exercise that I need for my poor back. And since we must sell our years best wood there I also know you would not deprive me of the work that provides for my family. So I shall go to the markets this year in your place”.

So the father went and the son could not, as was the wisdom of his words.



MORAL: If your parents let you get away with something it’s because they’re plotting their revenge.
Last edited by Hecatia10 on Thu Oct 13, 2011 2:06 am, edited 3 times in total.
  





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Sat Oct 08, 2011 12:10 pm
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Pigeon says...



Hecatia!!!!!!!!!! You posted!!!!!!!!
This is funny! ^_^ There's just a couple of things I'm not sure about:

Once upon a time there was a woodcutter who had four sons.
Why say that there were four sons if the other three never get mentioned? Maybe you could bring them into the story by having the fourth son give each of them advice, instead of repeatedly giving his father advice? And that way each of them could get revenge at the end one after the other. I don't know; just a thought.

It would be un-honourable and devious
should it be dishonourable, not un-honourable?

MORAL: If your parents let you get away with something it’s because they’re plotting their revenge. Also, you're never as clever as you think you are.
The moral is cute and funny, but not entirely in the style of the rest of the piece, which kind of breaks down the fairy-tale/fable feeling it had. If you could reword it to sound like the rest I think that would be better.

Other than that it was awesome! I hope you find this helpful!

- Em
Reader, what are you doing?

  





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Sat Oct 08, 2011 1:50 pm
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Ahnleh says...



I really loved this! I laughed at the end because I can see my parents doing that to me.

I do agree that the moral wasn't in the same style as the rest of the story, though. It kind of jerks you out of the story and style before you're meant to, I think.

Other than that, though, I think you did an awesome job! I love reading these fable-kinds of stories.
Keep going!! :)
"I have always imagined that Paradise will be some kind of liberty."
~Jorge Luis Borges
  








France... doesn't exist?
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