“Embherliegh, I’ve done it!” Brian yelled.
“Oh?” said Emberlieghye. “What did you find?”
Brian slapped the board with a ruler. It shook.
“I’m glad you asked, mindless construct! As I have prior-ly deducted, this dimension is sentient, all native persons such as yourself are running on the same ‘software’, and if said dimension is going to need a catchy name! But that can come later!"
Emberghleie blinked. “So what’s the breakthrough?” she said.
“Time!” proclaimed Brian. “I have decoded time! Here it is not merely slow, or fast! It is missing bits! It runs by scenes, Emmery,” he said, jumping around to point at relevant bits of squiggle on the board to illustrate his points, “Like the god of time is getting bored, and going to the toilet!
Time can last as long as it needs to for a string of trite gags and obligatory sexuality to play out for just long enough to wear out the novelty, individual variance in patience notwithstanding! Time happens when it is interested in us, and when it gets what it wants or loses interest, it moves on!
Like a four year old with a fast forward button, Emmalee!”
Emberghleie stared. She looked like what the sound of an abused computer fan’s loud humming would look like if that sound had a face. She smiled slowly. Far too slowly.
“Gee, that sure is complicated. I couldn’t imagine what it’s like to understand all this stuff,” said Eimbherliey. “You really are a genius, aren’t you?”
Brian grinned. “Well, more or less.”
“So much genius, I bet you remembered to consider the Tempogridanaeal Axis Flux.”
Brian froze.
“The what,” he said.
“The Tempogridaneal Axis Flux.” said Emberley, batting her eyelashes innocently.
Brian fell to his knees. He stared at the flat texture of library carpet. It looked like a free use texture copy-pasted from Google Images, and it smelled like failure.
“The Tempo…” Brian whispered. He put his palm to his forehead. “I’m going to have to change a few numbers.”
Brian slowly, laboriously, got to his feet, and looked back at the board. He sighed.
His profound academic gloom was broken by a knock at the door. It must have been one of his poor directionless companions, looking for guidance!
“I’ve almost cracked it!” Brian yelled, before he could see who it was. “I have considered EVERYTHING and I’ve almost cracked it!”
He opened the door. Outside, there stood Arthur, and a second Emberleigh.
Brian closed the door.
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