I'm going to try not to repeat what others have already said. I love the way you executed this piece, and the idea was touching to say the least.
What I had a problem with (and I'm not sure how to get around it) was that there was too much emphasis on her flaws. Don't get me wrong; I loved the flaws. I just think he spent to much time thinking about them. To me, the whole point was that he doesn't care about them. Why, then, does he spend most of his time thinking about them? At the same time, I liked how you didn't fall into the "I don't notice the...." trap. Like I said, I'm not sure how to get around it because the story is in his POV, but maybe if you spent more time describing her body language, (like her pulling up the scarf/ hiding her scar, etc.) and with him admiring what he liked about her, rather than her flaws. Does that make sense? Ah well.
My other issue was the knife attack. It felt contrived to me, and unrealistic. Sure, I can believe that she was attacked, but a blade accross the face without serious injury? I dunno. And something about it being an injury happening later on makes her self-consciousness seem like less of a big deal. I think it would be better if it happened when she was younger, so it is something she's used to, rather than having to adjust to. That way her self-consciousness would be something she's been putting herself through for her whole life.
Or, to put it another way, I feel like her motivation for being self-conscious shouldn't need extra reasons. Not everyone has a knife scar, but most people don't like some aspect of their appearances. One of the things I liked most about this was how universal the characters seemed without being generic--because of that, I just think the knife scar is unnecessary. Of course, this could be just me.
Heh, and before I started this review, I decided not to do nitpicks, but this stood out to me:
I started to see my playmate and best friend more as a girl. My mother teased me for taking so long to do so.
While I still aimed snowballs at her face, my eyes strayed all too often to her eyes and lips.
1. The first sentence made me read it twice before I understood.
2. If he's aiming at her face, he's also looking at her eyes a lips (which I'm assuming are also on her face.) I still like the idea, though.
To echo what other reviewers said, I really liked how the characters didn't have names, and how you avoided clutter--I think it's the perfect length right now. Thanks for the good read! I'll be looking out for other stuff by you in the future.
Lupis
P.S. Sorry, I'm no good at titles either. If I think of any suggestions though, I'll let you know.
Gender:
Points: 7715
Reviews: 522