This part I think really made the whole story to me. It gave the narrator humor and wittiness, as well as painting a great picture as to how she felt. Plus it made me laughI don’t even know why I bother to come any more. I’m like chopsticks to you, aren’t I? Use it once, play with it a little, then throw it away for the oh-so superior fork while thinking ’Damn those Asian’s and their complicated utensils’. And you know that’s exactly what you’d be thinking. You’re just sarcastic like that. See what you reduce me too? Nonsensical babbling about utensils.
great way to start it out.This seems a little awkward to read, try rewording the "once she came in" section. Since you use "in" a little close together.I swear your eyes were shining once she came in, she just brought in that light with her.
This gives me a sense of the character, which I like the way she's narrated, it's realistic and I'm sure a lot of people can relate to her.I was forced to go and give her that stupid little kiss on the cheek and big I-saw-you-three-hours-ago-but-it-feels-like-forever hug. I wanted to be resentful towards her, but it’s just so damn hard because she’s my best friend andhasshe’s been there for me through a lot.
I would use something a little different to make it more obvious that she's sarcastically exaggerating it.Then of course, making me feel all third-wheelish, you started to kiss for about ten or so hours, completely forgetting the ‘Don’t make out while Christy is around’ rule. How rude.
That even though I was in love with you for three freaking years, she stillgotsether big forest green eyes set on you.
. I assumed it was like a 13/14 year old, so maybe hint a little more at her age. Anyway, this is one of the best pieces I've read of yours, and I feel like I’ve watched you grow into this awesome writer, and I'm so proud *tears up*. Awesome job.
jasminebells wrote: So, I'm kind of hyped up on cough drops and Red Bull. I wrote this in a fit of spastic inspiration and don't be surprised if it makes the list for worst written stories in the universe. Grammar mistakes don't matter much to me, just what you thought overall of the story would be good.
EVIL LLAMA HYBRID MONKEYS.
Btw, the 12+ if for slight cursing.
Dear You,
She looks like a princess tonight. You know it. I know it. Everyone in this god-damned universe knows it.
I don’t even know why I bother to come any more. I’m like chopsticks to you, aren’t I? Use it once, play with it a little, then throw it away for the oh-so superior fork while thinking ’Damn those Asian’s and their complicated utensils’. And you know that’s exactly what you’d be thinking. You’re just sarcastic like that. See what you reduce me too? Nonsensical babbling about utensils.
I swear your eyes were shining once she came in, she just brought in that light with her. I was forced to go and give her that stupid little kiss on the cheek and big I-saw-you-three-hours-ago-but-it-feels-like-forever hug. I wanted to be resentful towards her, but it’s just so damn hard because she’s my best friend and has been there for me through a lot. Then of course, making me feel all third-wheelish, you started to kiss for about ten or so hours, completely forgetting the ‘Don’t make out while Christy is around’ rule. How rude.
Anyway, I played chauffeur while you guys laughed at some inside joke in the back, we got to the movies on time and everything was just awesome. You paid for popcorn and soda and remembered that I wanted Dr. Pepper mixed with Cherry Coke, even though you forgot about her soda combinations (Sunkist with Diet Pepsi and a shot of red Hi-Ci). We all sat together with you in the middle and instead of watching Jackie Chan kick ass, I watched as you put your arms around her and both of you just looked at each other the whole time. You whispered your love and my cheesy romance hating brain barfed while my love deprived heart swooned. I slid as far away from you as I could and tried to focus on the movie.
Half way through, she needed to go to the bathroom and dragged me with her, forcing me to listen to her pee and talk about how great you are and how you volunteer with disabled children and how you‘re getting on the Deans Honor Roll list for the highest Senior GPA and the rest of her babbling. Of course, I already knew this stuff so I just zoned her out and imagined I had stayed with you instead of gone to the bathroom and we talked like we used to before you two broke the best friends rule and started to date.
It sucks, doesn’t it? Because she knew about everything and still went after you. That even though I was in love with you for three freaking years, she still got her big forest green eyes set on you. She was never very trustworthy but I still trusted her with my secrets. And that left me as the quiet best friend of this pathetic play, while you played the handsome but humble male lead and her, obviously as the beautiful seductress. It sucks because you’re still so clueless, still so freaking oblivious to everything. We always joked how she was the female Harry Potter, gorgeous, smart, funny with an exciting past, while I’m the female Ron Weasley, the poor, clumsy red-head, who was always sidekick except I had the brain that sad, little Ron lacked. Now it’s true, because I guess in retrospect, you’re the male Ginny and I’m just a sibling to you. Just a sister, someone to joke with and ask girl advice, no one to ever look at in any other way because that would just seem like incest.
It sucks because I know you like me too, even if you won’t admit it. In the deepest part of your heart, you know it’s true but you’re with her so it’s shameful to think about.
It sucks because even though I swore I was over you, I know I’m not.
And I know I won’t ever be.Respectfully,
Sincerely,
Love,
-Me
I actually have 3 works in the ripening stage, two I'm fixing the spelling and grammar with right now and 1 I'm re-writing with different plot twists and my friend has like 6 pieces that I emailed to her last night. The problem is most of this stuff never ends up on YWS cus' my friend who is the daughter of a published Times Best Selling List or whatever it's called, author and she's really straight up and tells me when it sucks. 
I majorly like it. (worry about grammar and such when you are Red bull sober..haha) 
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