Young Writers Society

Yeh, Terrwyn, I shamelessly ripped of Green Day.

Wow.. I LOVED the scenery changes! Reminded me that I need to show changes of season in my own story.. It was beautifully written, anyway. Not concentrating on the relationship as much as the mental breakdown of one who has lost his love. Excellent work..

Wow, Crysi commented on something of mine...Thanks!

I lke the title.

Wow. Definitely a very pretty piece. Now, there were some things you weren't sure about ...

I don’t think my heart can take much more beating from me remembering the amazing times we shared, sorry.

I think the "sorry" at the end is the thing that keeps throwing me off, but now that I really look at it, the wording is kind of clunky. How about something like, "My heart beats too fast and too hard to even remember the times we shared together." That's not a whole lot better, but I'm positive you are capable enough to work this out.

I was left to salvage the remaining of my life

Remainder? (Sorry, just a little nit-pick)

How can it give and take so easily, without thought or feeling, without ever noticing that its boundless power can have consequences.

I absolutely loooooove this line, by the way. ^.^

The indifferent people move like blurs. I don’t care if they don’t care. I’m safe in my own insecurity, as their faces glance up and down, shocked, perhaps even appalled.

First you say they are indifferent, but I know *I* wouldn't be indifferent if I saw a naked man walking down the street! I would be as you described in the third sentence, shocked. I don't know, just a bit of conflicting emotion I caught on the second time around. And, if this counts for anything, I do disagree with your English teacher on the naked issue; I'm curious, on what grounds did she not like it? Did she say?

Wow, long post! I really do love this, though; it's very relatable and accessable, not to mention absolutely gorgeous. I hope you will write more! ^.^

Woah, talk about brining up dead topics ... I think this was the first piece I posted on the site!

Anyway, thanks Zel and Skye.

*glances at dates* Woah! Oops! Oh well, it doesn't make it any less good. ^,^

haha... yesh... much old, but sometimes the olders are the more classic. The beginning when things are new, uncertain and cautious. But that is a good story... despite the late date.
Lady

Ha! I'm reading a necromanced topic! *does a dance*

No, but seriously, the description is pretty at times, but sometimes it's overwhelmingly beautiful and it makes me want to reach out and give you a big hug because it's so freaking awesome and...

Why did you stop doing prose again?

This is the first thing I posted on YWS! hah.

Thanks Snoink ... I've never really stopped doing prose, for some reason I just find poetry more fulfilling and less effort (lol).

True... when school time comes, I tend to write very quick poems and barely write any stories. But still! This was pretty.

So these were the good ol' days of YWS, huh?

Oh yes. So long ago ... I used to write so many things back then! Now I'm lazy and lucky to produce one thing in a couple of months.

Alas, I never have any time for prose ... schoolwork, girlfriend and friends kinda screws with my writing timetable so ... yeh. *Jack dreams of the days when he had no life*

*laughs* Too bad you erased your blog... Do you know how many times you complained about not having a life? That's brilliant.

Anyway, I remember I really liked this piece. You sounded so... in awe of my commenting, lol! That really makes me laugh.

Wow, Jack, I'm really impressed! Especially if this was the first one you posted on the site. He. Even though gacking ideas from songs is a little cheesy, you pulled it off in a not so cheesy way. Time moves effortlessly, and I really appreciate that, because I have problem with it myself. I'm glad this was brought back up!

-Sarah

Wow, I remember skimming through this about one year ago and not knowing how to post. I can easily say this is very beautiful, it's unfair that you have talent and I don't

Oh well, I am far too busy to give a good critique but I really did love it. (Works and comments at the same time)