Angel in my Arms

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This is just some random something-or-other that I found myself typing. It probably doesn't have to be mixed with a fantasy twist, but it's mostly romance, so I placed it here.

Angel in my Arms

“Get the human! Hurry, before he gets away!”

The human knight ran faster, dodging low branches, jumping loose tree trunks, brushing cobwebs aside. His black armor was tiring him out, the metal digging into his skin, but he took the pain, knowing it was only a simple scratch compared to what the Elves could do to him when they catch him.

“Catch that filth!” shouted the Elfin Commander. “We must destroy the Dark Knights!”

Sir Steel of Galtrod quickened his pace. He couldn’t hear the Elves for they were naturally this stealthy. They could be anywhere, they could be right next to him for all he knew. He only concentrated on running fast, running far away from the Elfin city of Sahlkran. He hated himself for entering that city with his fellow knights, but the girl was just asking for his attention!

“Surround him!”

Steel felt his legs move, if possible, even faster, his lungs hurting from breathing hard. He started to feel a cramp in his side, but he ignored the pain. Every breath was like a thousand knives stabbing into his chest. How he longed for rest, for sanctuary, for safety!

He yelped in pain as an arrow flew through the air and struck his arm. In his short moment of shock as he saw the blood drip through his worn armor, he tripped over a huge tree trunk. He made to catch himself with his hands, but found himself rolling down a steep hill, head over heels. He yelled with pain each time he landed painfully on the ground, branches and rocks scattered all over and denting his armor painfully into his skin. His bleeding arm hurt even more every time he landed on it.

He rolled down for such a long time before he came to a halt at the bottom, lying on his stomach, his armor covered with dirt and leaves and mud, his arm stinging painfully. He laid there silently, not moving, and hoping to appear dead to the attacking Elves.

“There he is!”

There was a moment of silence.

“He’s not moving,” the deep voice of the Commander sounded from above. “Go drag him back up here—”

“She’s gone!”

There was a longer silence as they waited for their fellow Elf to arrive by their sides. Steel couldn’t hear his arrival except for his voice. He remained unmoving, listening intently. Will he be caught and taken to the Elfin King? If that happened, even greater tension would build between the Elves and the Humans, let alone the Elves and the Dark Knights. Steel would be accused of spying for the enemy, and that would do no good for the Dark Knights.

“The princess is gone, sir!” said the breathless messenger.

The Commander scowled. “Like I care about the princess,” he growled under his breath. There was another silence before he said, “Fine. We’ll just let him rot here. Return to the palace and tell His Majesty I’m on my way.”

Steel waited until the Elves were far gone before letting out a huge sigh of relief. It was so close, such an amazing save, he started to laugh at his luck. He rolled onto his back so he didn’t breathe in dirt, but rather fresh air.

After long minutes of relieving himself, he slowly sat up, cradling his arm. The blood rushed from his head, making him slightly dizzy, but it soon passed. He was about to stand up when he noticed someone standing near him.

It was an Elf, but a most beautiful female who seemed to have a radiant glow to her. She wore a simple white gown, her long blonde hair falling about her shoulders. Her thin hands were held together against her chest, her sparkling blue eyes fearfully watching Steel’s every move. Steel felt his heart race again from just looking at her, intimate thoughts rushing through his mind.

Steel made to stand up, but the girl jumped back into the shadows. Steel froze at the sudden move. He held out his hand, palm outwards, and said, “It’s alright. I don’t mean any harm…” He slowly stood up, flinching from his aching arm, the girl wincing as if every move he made gave her physical pain.

“Why are you so afraid?” Steel asked, throwing his hands out, and his hand knocked against his sword’s hilt in the process. Steel flushed slightly and put his hands to his belt. He looked at the Elf whose eyes also went to the belt, to where his hands were. She was afraid he would attack her.

Steel unbuckled the belt and threw it aside, ignoring his pained arm, his sword landing with a clatter against his belt, metal against metal. He held his hands up again to show he was harmless. His right arm, his wounded arm, felt heavy and he could hardly lift it, but he used all his strength to show he meant no harm. The girl didn’t move.

“May I ask why you’re here in this…?” Steel didn’t know how to put it in nice terms. This battle? This mess? ‘This forest’ was pretty general, and Steel knew it would make no sense to ask an Elf why she was in the forest, seeing as they love nature. He hesitated, but ended up just glossing over the idea. “I would think you’d run to your people and tell them you found the runaway human.”

“You are hurt!”

“What?” Steel said, not ready for that statement, and followed her glittering gaze to his wounded arm. He quickly held it, saying, “It’s nothing—just a scratch.” He didn’t want to discuss his wound, not when an angel stood in front of him.

“But…do you not wish to heal it?”

“I can take care of it later,” Steel said simply. “I would hate to worry a pretty lady like you with such a minor problem as this.”

She flushed slightly, but didn’t speak. She looked anxious to help Steel’s wound, but resisted the urge to run to his aid. A heavy silence fell between them, a silence so heavy, Steel wondered if he was just dreaming the Elf. He made to lean back against the tree, assuming the latter idea, when her voice sounded, causing him to stand upright.

“You are human?”

Steel wasn’t ready to hear her speak, and when she did, his heart raced, for he had not realized such a unique voice she had. It was beautifully soft, it sang like angels, and calmed Steel’s every nerve of being caught by the other Elves. She seemed to stumble over the human language, though. She couldn’t quite get the hang of its gross tongue compared to the beautiful Elfin language. And the question confused him. Did she not know what a human was? She was asking as if she wasn’t sure what he was.

“Yes, I’m human,” he replied, hiding his confusion. As a knight, he was raised to respect women, including the women of his enemies. It was difficult for some knights when the woman was as vulnerable as this one, but Steel noticed how respect certainly helped gain her bed for the night.

“I have never seen a human before,” she said, stepping out from the shadows to get a better look at Steel. She was even more beautiful in the sun’s light, her blue eyes glittering up into his dark eyes, examining every strand of his long black hair, every wrinkle in his face, and especially the point of his ears which turned out to not be so pointy.

“Many Elves have never seen a human,” Steel replied, letting her examine him all she wanted. “It’s not surprising to hear.”

“We are not allowed to talk to one when we see a human,” she said easily, not seeming to care much what this meant to Steel.

“What happens if you’re caught?” he asked cautiously.

“We are punished,” she said simply, her blue eyes moving back to his and Steel felt his heart race once again. “We will be tortured to tell them of the human’s whereabouts then thrown into the dungeons for however many years. It depends on the threat of the human. In this case, if I were caught, I would be in the dungeons for possibly fifty years, maybe seventy.”

“Fifty years?! Then you shouldn’t be here!” Steel said sternly, lowering his hands to his sides. The Elf watched his hands until they remained motionless before regaining eye contact with Steel.

“Nonsense,” she replied. “They tell us humans are barbarians, a disgrace to the Elves who first roamed this world. How can I believe that when I see you tell me you mean no harm?”

Steel didn’t know how to reply to that. It was no wonder that the Elves taught their younglings’ humans were evil. However, he was more than pleased to see that she did not take it seriously, and thought him harmless.

“Why do you not run?” she asked suddenly.

Steel was taken aback by the question, but it was a very good one in her defense. Why didn’t he run? Because he wanted to win her bed, that’s why. He couldn’t tell her that, though. She would, for sure, run away to the guards—to that Commander.

“It would be rude to turn my back on a beautiful maiden such as yourself,” Steel said with a crooked smile.

She only returned a soft smile, saying, “That is awfully kind of you, but I can handle myself when I am caught by the guards.”

“And I can handle myself,” Steel returned with a small polite bow. “I am a knight and can certainly ready myself for whatever punishment they give me.”

“How can you be so sure?” she asked, an amused smile crept across her face. “Have you ever been captured by the Elves?”

Steel didn’t reply.

“They are not exactly kind when it comes to torture, though they may seem like they would be easy on you,” she explained.

“I’ll risk it.”

The Elf cocked her thin brow, her smile faded. “You would risk your life just to talk to me?”

“You probably think me insane,” Steel stated, daring to take a step closer to her.

“Oh, no, not insane,” she said, her eyes flickering from his eyes to his feet “I…”

Steel smiled his crooked smile and a pink color rose in her pale cheeks. He took another step closer. “I never caught your name, madam.”

“I never thought my name became important,” she replied. She’s tricky, Steel thought with amusement.

“It’s important to me,” Steel said.

“I do not see how it can possibly be to your interest,” she said, her smile fading.

“Oh, I sure can,” he said, still walking closer to her.

The Elf shifted slightly, her shining blue eyes looking away from Steel’s handsome smile and dark eyes to his feet which stopped right in front of her. She could feel Steel’s hot breath upon her head and an odd sensation filled her insides. She hesitated, not knowing what to do about this new feeling.

“I am Sir Steel of Galtrod,” he introduced, looking down at the beautiful woman before him. His heart quickened as he stood this close to her, felt the warmth from her fragile, yet glowing, body.

“I…” she faltered over her words, confused as to how she really felt. She didn’t know whether to run away from the barbarian or stay with the handsome human. “I am Jade Moonstone,” she said and let out the rest of her breath as she looked up into Steel’s dark eyes.

“Jade Moonstone…” Steel repeated to himself. “I’ve heard that name before.”

Jade’s pink lips parted to speak, but nothing came out. Steel smiled again, causing the pink to rise in her cheeks again. She smiled weakly. “You humans are…very strange.”

“As long as that doesn’t mean barbarian, I’m quite alright with being strange,” Steel said quietly.

She looked down again, away from Steel’s gaze, and suddenly she gasped. “Your wound! It is worsening!”

Steel looked down and found a hole in his black armor, a hole that was so much smaller before. It was larger than his fist now, making his wound more visible and it did look more terrible than it felt. The blood kept spilling out, some of it dried to the top into a darker brown, but there were woodchips and rocks stuck inside it, probably from when Steel rolled down the hill from the guards.

“Please, let me help!” Jade begged, taking his arm in her thin hands. Steel made to take his arm away, but her grip was surprisingly firm. She hesitated before asking, “Could you take your glove off, please? I do not…understand the…”

Steel chuckled and nodded, undoing the buckles and gently slipping off the glove, making the wound appear, if possible, even worse. Jade gasped at the sight. She put her hands to his arm to grasp it, and Steel felt a comforting sigh escape his lips. His eyes closed as he felt the softness of her hands on his skin. Her gentle fingers brushed his wound for inspection, but it didn’t hurt at all. Rather, it soothed him; her skin was like flowing milk, a most breathtaking sensation.

Steel never opened his eyes as she held him. He savored the moment, the most unique touch and most beautiful. It gave him such a temptation that was so hard to resist. She was so close, right in front of him, just a foot away from his own body. One move and she would be his, he could feel it.

“There,” he heard her say in her sweet musical voice that made the moment all the more tempting. “I am afraid I cannot heal wounds that have been made by the Elfin arrows. I am not a healer, merely an amateur in the magical arts of my people.”

Steel opened his eyes and looked down to find the wound cleaned up, the blood wiped away, the woodchips and pebbles gone. Before his eyes, the wound was closing up and healing itself, but caused no pain. Magic. It was Elfin magic.

Jade let go of his arm and smiled up at Steel who marveled at Jade before smiling his thanks. She flushed again as he watched her.

“How could I repay you?” he asked quietly.

“Oh, it—it was nothing,” Jade said quickly, looking away.

“What’s wrong?”

“Why do you look at me like that?” Jade asked quietly. “It gives me a weird feeling in my stomach, and my heart…” Steel put his hand to her cheek and she hesitated in continuing her explanation. She obviously didn’t know how to react to Steel’s touch, but her body had some idea. She relaxed, her eyes closed as he gently stroked her cheek, and Steel sighed as he felt her milky skin on his fingertips. “I…I feel nauseous…”

“No, you feel me,” Steel said softly and, removing his hand, he kissed her ear, his hands on her shoulders.

“What…” she muttered, making to pull away, but Steel held her firmly with his hands, not letting her go. Steel sent more kisses to her ear and cheek, overwhelmed with lust for this angel in his arms.

“Sir Knight,” Jade muttered and withdrew from his kisses to look up at him with a confused and innocent expression, “you touched me…” her voice failed her as she swallowed again. This made it as clear as crystal that Jade was a virgin, which made it all the more enjoyable.

“It’s a sign of…affection among us humans,” Steel explained easily and wrapped his arms around her as he kissed her cheek and neck, trying to control his lust as best he could. He could feel his hands grope for more of her, but his mind kept telling him to keep calm. A battle raged inside him as he held her closely to him, her warm bodice next to his dark armor. Even through the armor, Steel could feel the warmth that radiated from her.

“There’s Moonstone!”

“Look, it’s the human!”

“The Dark Knight!”

Steel and Jade stepped away from each other so suddenly, Jade nearly fell over. Without hesitation, she closed her eyes and muttered something under her breath. Steel panicked, however. He bent over and picked up his belt, buckling it around his waste as quickly as possible. The Elfin guards were approaching fast. He looked to Jade who still stood there with her closed eyes.

“Jade, you have to run!” Steel said, watching the guards approach, their silver armor blinding his vision. Jade didn’t flinch, only her mouth formed words without sound.

“Get away from her, you filth!” they shouted.

Steel started walking backwards, about to make a break for it. The guards ran down the hill, spears and bows in hand. Steel slipped his glove on and buckled it as he turned around to run. Then he stopped and looked back at Jade who finally watched him with her glittering blue eyes.

“Alliati Bointe,” she said, her soft, musical voice piercing through the loud jeers and commands of the oncoming guards.

Steel didn’t know what that meant, but didn’t have much time to think about it. His surroundings twisted and misshaped, the Elves disappearing from his view, until Steel found himself sitting by a blazing fire back in camp with his fellow Dark Knights.

“Steel!”

“Where’d you go?”

“The General’s not too happy with you.”

His surrounding peers spoke all at once, asking him what happened, where he was, and where his companions were, for they did not return. Steel stood up and ignored the knights as he walked away to his tent. Alliati Bointe…Steel didn’t know what those words meant, but he could hear Jade Moonstone’s voice echoing those words in his mind, and, though he missed that moment with her, he felt soothed from those words, as if everything would work out.

Alliati Bointe…

Alliati Bointe…

“Steel Goldstone!” roared the angry voice of General Ariake Tornheart. “Report to my tent immediately!”


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There it is. Hope it was worth posting. ^^' :oops:
Last edited by JabberHut on Sat Dec 22, 2007 4:09 am, edited 4 times in total.
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This was pretty good!
I would suggest finding a different, more original name for your MC. Steel is a bit stereotypic.... Anyway, this was well written and it kept me interested the whole way through. However, having someone fall in love with someone who is on the other side of a war is also stereotypic. However, your characters were realistic, and you descriptiond and dialogue flowed nicely. Keep up the good work with this, I would also suggest that this be rated PG13....




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Let me just say you scored fifty on the lust scale my friend and while I was reading, it literally took my breath away. Your description was distinct and different and made me think... Whoa!

I loved the idea about the elves and humans not getting along at all, but the female elf coming to the knights aid and therefore sparking off some lust and love issues, a little bit like Romeo & Juliet. Although, I didn't really like how the female elf was blonde as whenever I read something along these lines, the girl is always blonde and there is no variation.

Your punctuation is over-done in some places and the use of commas is immense so that when I'm reading it, it tends to be structured like a list.

Other than that, this is brilliant and I want to ask... Will there be more?
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I agree with the others. Also, I would suggest not using so many exclaimation points, especially when Jade is speaking. You don't need them. A period is just fine and will still get your message across to the readers. ;)

Other than that, this story was brilliant. Seriously, I have no negatives. It was a wonderful read. In the words of the person above me 'Will there be more?'
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." ^_^




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I actually liked this story. A bit long [but of course I'm always short of time], and is it just me or does the guy seem to fall in love with her a bit too fast? I mean, pardon me if I've skipped anything, but he just meets her and a few minutes later he's stroking her cheek and kissing her passionately. XD

Oh, well. I liked this story. 8 out of 10, which is pretty good on my scale. :]
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Loved this story! Please post mroe soon. I can't wait to see what happens =D
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To tell the truth, I got much better reviews than I thought (and more are welcome!). I don't know if there'll be more. I was having a brain fart with my fantasy story and this popped in my head, and the romance in my fantasy doesn't come 'til MUCH later, so it was a bit irritating and had to be taken care of. XD

However, because it received such good reviews and many questions about some more, I may consider writing some more...after I edit my chapter of my fantasy. xD

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i liked this story! It had a nice plot and nothing seemed to be missed out. I loved how you made the the elf so innocent in description. I wish you would right more to it!

keep postin!
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Aas a lover of fantasy, I really liked this. It was good how you opening with an actiony scene, and I felt a a bit of suspense when Steel was playing dead. I loved how he kept thinking about getting in bed with her the whole time. It made me laugh. XP One thing that I found cliche, however, was Steel's unusual name. What kind of parents name their li'l baby something like "Steel?" It's just one of my peeves.

Good luck, and keep writing! =3

(I'll look forward to it!)
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"He yelled with pain each time he landed painfully on the ground, branches and rocks scattered all over and denting his armor painfully into his skin."
You use "painfully" twice. Try changing one of the words. That will make this sentence flow smoother.

"He rolled down for such a long time before he came to a halt at the bottom, lying on his stomach, his covered with dirt and leaves and mud, his arm stinging painfully."
This doesn't make sense. Try this: "He rolled down for a long time before he came to a halt at the bottom. Lying on his stomach, covered with dirt and leaves and mud, his arm stung with the pain of a thousand needles." Or something like that.

""Oh, I sure can,” he said, still walking closer to her." There should be a "Oh, I'm" or "Oh, I am" Or "Oh, it".

"“It’s a sigh of…affection among us humans,” " "sigh" should be "sign"

This was excellent! Please write more! I loved it. Excellent plot. I would never have thought of this! Jamie Bondage
"It is better to save than to destroy, and that justice is most righteous which is tempered by mercy." Mark Twain




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This was truly one of the better pieces I've read here.. Good job, and I hope there'll be more!
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Thank you very much, everyone!

Chayonz--I'm glad you liked it. It was a random piece sitting in my head. I wrote it out so I wouldn't have to think about it anymore, that's all. ^^;

KingKamor--It is a fantasy, so strange names are not that uncommon. However, since his name has been pointed out several times, I might change it to something more creative. ^_^

Jamie Bondage--Long time, no see! Thank you for catching those mistakes. Sometimes I get so into writing the story, I forget to check grammar. ^^;

Karma--Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. ^^

Since I'm getting so many good comments, I may think about continuing this. However, my fantasy story, Finding Atlantis will be my top priority. I'll think of continuing this when I come to "writer's block."

Thanks much, everyone!

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Was I just caught in the middle of escape? The escape of a human? I believe I was! I really like this idea and the plot. The characters are nice too. But I might recommend you try a few things.

1- While Steel is trying to escape the clutches of the bad guys you should add a brief rundown of WHY he is running away. Otherwise the reader is just sitting there wondering what is going on and what the point of the running is. You do explain a little, but I think you should add a little more so readers can make sense of the story and immediately jump into the story.

READERS NEED MOTIVATION! MOTIVATE THEM! MAKE THEM WANT TO READ!

2- The description. You describe FANTASTICALLY. Especially the way you describe the wounds Steel has and how you describe Jade Moonstone. You should add more details to your story so the reader can have the vivid image you'd like them to see. Be descriptive, but not too descriptive at the same time.

REMEMBER THAT READERS ONLY SEE WHAT YOU TELL THEM TO SEE! THEY CANNOT SEE WHAT YOU SEE UNLESS YOU SHOW THEM.

I hope my review helped and I didn't mean to offend your story in any way. I hope you take it as criticism and not as rudeness xD
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I apologize for using caps :oops: sorry >< You see I just joined and I, forgot the rules.
You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself into one.

The writer, when he is also an artist, is someone who admits what others don't dare reveal.




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Awww, why'd you stop?

I usually don't like that kind of thing, but you wrote it well. I kind of wished that you had explained more about Steel and his history, like why they call him the Dark Knight. I was also curious about why the Elves don't like humans so much, and you didn't really go into detail of why they were after Steel anyway.
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