First, grammar corrections and the boring technicalities:
[spoiler]
Red = My corrections.
Purple = My Suggestions.
[s]Strikethrough[/s] = Omit
The human knight ran faster, dodging low branches, jumping loose tree trunks, brushing cobwebs aside. His black armor was tiring him out, the metal digging into his skin; but he took the pain, knowing it was only a simple scratch compared to what the Elves could do to him when they caught him.
Sir Steel of Galtrod quickened his pace. He couldn’t hear the Elves, for they were naturally this stealthy. They could be anywhere; they could be right next to him for all he knew. He only concentrated on running fast; on running far away from the Elfin city of Sahlkran.
He rolled down for such a long time before he came to a halt at the bottom, lying on his stomach, his armor covered with dirt and leaves and mud, his arm stinging painfully. He lay there silently, not moving, and hoping to appear dead to the attacking Elves.
There was a longer silence as they waited for their fellow Elf to arrive by their sides. Steel couldn’t hear his arrival except for his voice. He remained unmoving, listening intently. Would he be caught and taken to the Elfin King? If that happened, even greater tension would build between the Elves and the Humans, let alone the Elves and the Dark Knights. Steel would be accused of spying for the enemy, and that would do no good for the Dark Knights.
“Why are you so afraid?” Steel asked, throwing his hands out, and his hand knocked against his sword’s hilt in the process. Steel flushed slightly and put his hands to his belt. He looked at the Elf whose eyes also went to the belt – to where his hands were. She was afraid he would attack her.
“I have never seen a human before,” she said, stepping out from the shadows to get a better look at Steel. She was even more beautiful in the sun’s light, her blue eyes glittering up into his dark [s]eyes[/s] ones, examining every strand of his long black hair, every wrinkle in his face, and especially the point of his ears which turned out to not be so pointy.
The Elf shifted slightly, her shining blue eyes looking away from Steel’s handsome smile and dark eyes to his feet, which stopped right in front of her. She could feel Steel’s hot breath upon her head and an odd sensation filled her insides. She hesitated, not knowing what to do about this new feeling.
[/spoiler]
As for the actual review...
I like where you could go with this, but I think things happened wayy too fast. In truth, I find nothing romantic or really enjoyable about people getting physical so fast when they don't even know each other... I think it'd be better if he was simply entranced by her, but that they got to know each other a little better before anything actually happens... My opinion on the matter, anyway.
Also, I think you need more background... but you're off a to a good start =)
Yep I am that evil to do that. I abuse the post and bring up art. hehe. Almost to a full review I think. Getting closer. Closer. Closer/ And I think I am safe now.
